To See and Be Seen

April 7, 2010

When someone sees you for who you truly are it feels like a ray of morning sun on your face.  We all want to be seen and accepted without judgment.  It is rare to find a person who can see us for who we are without their projections intruding into that view.  As infants we receive a form of unconditional love from our mother.  We have yet to do anything intentionally to warrant her disapproval.  We are her creation and she is proud of that.  As we grow we explore and test the environment we are in.  Curiosity drives us to take risks that may not receive the approval of our care takers.   We begin to understand and be shaped by the responses of those whose approval we desire. 

Inside is the authentic Self that yearns to be loved and approved of by those we desire to share love with.  We can connect with others in a real and loving way by striving to be more neutral to the aspects of their character that are different from our own.  That does not mean denying the existence of our judgments.  It means looking at what formed them.  They are an indicator of an area where healing is available to us.  The more we take responsibility for our own projections onto others, the greater freedom we gain.  Less of what they do disturbs us.  We are able to look at it and be grateful for the reminder of our own humanity.  We are able to have more compassion on ourselves. 

Neutrality is one of the most powerful tools available to our intuitive truth.  Without it we run the risk of not seeing clearly.  When we carry emotions like guilt, obligation, judgment, pain or fear we adjust our information in response to a projected desirable outcome.  Neutrality is about taking the energetic charge off of a perception, releasing the need to control others.  Letting it be okay for them to be where they are at.  Neutrality does not assume a lack of compassion or empathy.  It doesn’t prevent you from having opinions about issues or experiences.  What it does is free you from your resistance and blocks to seeing the truth.  By giving others the gift of your neutrality you are able to see them and hopefully they will be able to come closer to truly seeing you.  Namaste (the light in me sees the light in you).

  • Chris says:

    A very thought provoking post. Being able to achieve neutrality on a regular basis requires overcoming the inherent biases one picks up along life’s path–certainly a challenge.

    • Natalie says:

      Thanks Chris, Seeking neutrality takes me deeper into the subtle motivators behind my automatic responses. I consider it a life long journey! Natalie

  • Sandy Paul says:

    It’s very difficult to be truly neutral when encountering someone who challenges my sense of OK-ness (Maybe if I close my eyes, plug my ears and hold my nose 🙂 but I do strive to find acceptance and understanding, and move from judging to compassion. I was in Winco the other day when an extremely obese woman came riding up on her scooter. My first reaction when seeing her was definitely not neutral. Then I shifted into thinking, “she must have a glandular problem”. But I still didn’t want to be near her or look at her. I realized later that the step beyond mentally ‘classifying and accepting’ her physical appearance was to move to compassion…definitely a challenge!

    • Natalie says:

      When I’m struggling with compassion and neutrality, tt helps me to remember that we all have wounds and mine are just in another form. I am most often challenged because the behavior I’m witnessing is an aspect of myself that I’m struggling to love/accept/heal. Thanks for the beautiful dialog. As we explore our vulnerabilities we free ourselves.

      • Sandy Paul says:

        Hi Nat ~ Patti told me you are treating her to a trip to Hawaii. How awesome and generous. There is pay back for all that diaper changing!

        Yes, we all have our wounds that are healing, and compassion is the key to that healing – for ourselves and what we can give to others. The challenge is to stay in that state of heart and mind…

  • v. scott thompson says:

    Now I understand how my screwed up-ness can be seen without triggering a whole cascade of emotionally charged over-reactive backlash. I am grateful for Your neutrality and wish to move toward developing my own. Namaste

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