The Light and Dark Side of Control
The word control has a bad rap. It’s associated with being anal, uptight, rigid, difficult and domineering. There are ways that control supports our health and others that block us from having joy. The two primary faces of control that we look at as we cultivate our intuitive awareness are:
1) Control that sets a clear boundary for our energetic space
2) Control of others, an intrusion into their energetic space
This first type of control helps us maintain “seniority” or “authority” over our energetic space. In activating this type of control we claim our true power to be the one calling the shots regarding our soul’s experience in this body. When we don’t exercise seniority in our psychic space (sixth chakra, center of head), other people’s energy and the energy of spiritual entities (beings without a body) can get in our aura and alter our emotions and perspective.
The presence of another’s energy in our psychic space, alters our clarity and drains our power. One indicator that someone’s energy is in your space, versus your own thoughts seeking them out, is a thought of them that pops into your mind while you are doing another focused activity. For example your mind is engaged in a project or conversation, thinking a specific line of thought then – bink – out of nowhere their name or a thought of them interrupts your thoughts.
It does no harm to move their energy out of your psychic space and give yourself room. This can be done using the simple visualization of their energy moving out of the center of your head into a bubble and sending that bubble of their energy back to them.
The second type of control has earned its bad rap, yet it is generated from our human nature, so no one is immune. From the earliest age we develop abilities to control and manipulate others to get our needs met. It’s a survival skill and comes from a place of innocence. As we grow-up, especially if our basic needs are not met, these skills may evolve into unhealthy controlling behaviors that intrude in other people’s energetic space. Often they show up in the guise of trying to help someone, provide advice or fix something we perceive is broken in them. Whenever the attempt to heal or help is engaged without the permission and consent of the person you have energy on, it becomes controlling and has negative results.
Most controlling behavior is subconscious. The controller perceives they are doing something positive to help the person they are trying to control. But it doesn’t feel that way to the person being controlled. Even if it sounds good, it still feels sticky-icky when help comes from a place of control. And the deeper motivation behind it is always to make the person controlling feel better. The out-of-control healer (OUCH) intrudes into our psychic space. This disrupts our clarity and undermines our personal power.
As an exercise in consciousness we can use our intuition to notice when we are pushing an agenda, not staying neutral to someone’s choices or pain. This usually results in wanting to fix their problem or take away their suffering. These are the points where we are most likely to invade their space with unwanted help, trying to make ourselves feel more comfortable by controlling our perception of their pain.
To develop our intuitive awareness we need to heal our use of control energy. This happens when we exercise seniority over our space and become conscious of our controlling behavior, shifting into a place of neutrality around another’s choices and experiences. Then we can truly help them in ways that honor their own spiritual seniority.