How do You Know When to Change a Soul Agreement?

There are junctures in life, transitions that are a natural part of development or made by choice, that indicate a soul agreement change is an order. A parent-child relationship evolves to parent-adult, when the child grows up.  Commitments made in a marriage end at the death of one partner or with a divorce. As I covered in an earlier blog post, the soul agreement goes beyond the psychological shift and change of physical circumstance.

In cases where there isn’t a clear relationship transition, it’s not as obvious that an update is in order. In a marriage of 30 years the agreement isn’t the same as it was at 5 years of marriage, yet aspects can be stuck in the original agreement.  Here are a few clues to help you identify where you can benefit from changing your soul agreements.

When you repeatedly think about a past experience or have a mental conversation with a person who is not present.  This is a person or situation with which you need to update your agreement.  The conversation in your head kicks-in frequently when you relax and are not focused on a task.  And sometimes it even disrupts something else you were thinking about or doing.

If you feel frustrated, dis-empowered or “off” from the persistent distracting thoughts, you might find yourself pushing the person away in your mind saying, “Leave me alone!”  The disruption has purpose. It’s happening to let you know something is unresolved, that you need to release, shift or directly communicate in a relationship.

Another way you can know a relationship soul agreement needs to be updated is when you feel angry about expectations from a person that you don’t want to be required to fulfill. This anger helps you notice that you need to revise your boundary in the agreement. When an agreement is in need of update it often has low vibration emotions attached to it like guilt, shame, abandonment, judgment or control.

For example, you feel guilty for saying “no” to someone when they ask you to do something you’ve always done for them at work, like schedule a meeting for a group of people. Your job has changed and you are no longer in the position where that is part of the agreement. You need to set a new boundary and update your agreement to match the new role so others don’t continue to expect you to do things that were part of your old position.

In another case, you may have an agreement to listen to a friend when they have had a bad experience. They want to dump their pain or anger to feel better. And you’ve signed up through your choice to listen. You may have a sense of guilt for abandoning them in their suffering if you don’t listen. Yet every time you have a conversation where you get emotionally dumped on, you feel worse and your friend feels better. They may even thank you for being a good friend. The benefit of changing or ending an agreement like this is that it allows you to have your own experience, rather than getting thrown “off” or drained by their emotions and upset.

In summary, the primary signals that a relationship soul agreement is ready to be updated:

• A relationship has clearly changed (end of job, romantic partnership)
• A relationship has changed over time but the person is not honoring the change
• A relationship drains your energy
• You experience distracting or dis-empowering thoughts of the person
• You feel negative emotions about something that used to be okay for you in a relationship