Are You an Asshole for Having Boundaries?

September 24, 2019
Boundaries, Energy Leaks, Empath

We all know that a person can be asshole if they disrespect your boundaries. But what if you have healthy boundaries and someone thinks you’re being an asshole for not giving them what they want? What they believe is a request for support is really an energy hook.

They may have learned that to get what they needed they had to hook someone with their energy, create conflict, withhold information, say something shocking, manipulate with their suffering. They didn’t get what they needed without disrupting someone’s energy field.

Kids are masters at testing boundaries. They want you to show them if you care, can connect and how to engage in ways that get a positive response. They try a lot out and adjust their behaviors based on the responses they receive. If ignored or given inconsistent messages about their energy boundaries, they may be little assholes pushing you to get attention negative or positive.

Adults are those same kids 20 or 50 years later, repeating the rules around boundaries that they learned. Wielding their energy in ways that they were taught by their family and friends.

Healthy energy exchanges are when two people are honoring each other’s contribution. It a literal sense it is getting paid for work performed at a rate that reflects the work. In an energetic sense it is showing up for your friends and family to help them in balance with the ways they show up for you. Not being a taker or giving so much it depletes you.

Healthy energy boundaries exist when you have defined your aura in a way that is clear. What is welcome and what is not. This means that others aren’t allowed in your space without agreement and equal exchanges of energy. No cords, hooks or vampires allowed. Not walls or detachment – these are unavailability to connect in healthy human energy exchange.

Healthy energy exchanges and boundaries sound a lot easier than they are because we all have been conditioned based on what was normal in our families and the responses we’ve received from the world. For empaths who are more sensitive to other’s energy it is even harder because when you feel what others are feeling in your body, you’re letting it get into your space.

When you start using tools to manage your energy boundaries, people who are used to getting in your space may think you are an asshole. Particularly those who are used to taking more than they give. Or if you’ve been the asshole that invades others space unconsciously for most of your life, setting healthy boundaries will make your relationships better in more ways than I can explain.

How do you create healthy energy boundaries? By practicing simple visualizations to set your space. Do it daily until it becomes part of you.

  • Close your eyes and imagine you have a connection from the base of your spine to the center of the earth. It is your grounding cord. You might see it as a tree with roots, a beam of light, an animal tail.

  • Clear out the center of your head – the space between your ears, behind your eyes is your 6th chakra where you get your intuitive information – use a firehose or fan to empty the space. Make sure no one is in there but you.

  • Now visualize a translucent bubble around your body that defines where your energy ends and begins, your aura. Paint it a color. Let the color fill any holes and reset any bulges to bring it to perfect balance, arms-length away from your body.

  • Put up protection on the outside of your bubble. Imagine a beautiful rose in front of you full of kindness, a rose that filters out negativity. Replicate that rose behind you, to your right, left, above and below your aura bubble.

  • Finally see a big golden ball of energy like the sun above your head. Imagine it is magnetically calling your energy back to you. Watch it fill up with the bits of your essence you are reclaiming from places you’ve been, people you’ve engaged with. Pop the golden ball of your energy and see it flow down into the top of your head like honey. Filling you up from head to toe.

These simple steps practiced regularly define your energy space and put you on the path to more equal exchanges of energy and healthier boundaries. Lack of energy boundaries is the number one contributor to anxiety and exhaustion. The more intentional you are in how you set your energy field the less other’s will get in your space.

So maybe for a while people think you are an asshole for changing your boundaries, but it’s worth it if you get to have inner-peace and healthy energy.


If you want support setting your energy, check out my Empath Strength Training Group that meets 2x a month online

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