That Irritating Life Lesson — the Gift that Keeps Giving
Avoiding conflict is a one of my lifelong lessons. In fact, I’ve learned to have clear energetic boundaries so I can avoid conflict. But as much as I try, I still encounter places in my most intimate relationships where I have to face my discomfort.
The closer someone is to me, the harder it is to tell them if something they have done doesn’t work for me. I can’t say exactly why conflict feels so risky but that’s the way cruxes work. Those life lessons that itch at your blind spots, hiding in plain sight only to keep coming back to invite growth in different ways.
I have a friend who enjoys a good scrap and has fun with conflict. For me, even witnessing it between people when I’m not part of the energetic fist fight can leave me feeling tense, exhausted, my stomach icky. So, I avoid it if I can.
I’ve faced layers of this avoidance head-on over my lifetime, getting better and better at directly addressing conflicts in many areas of my life but then another lesson pops up and I get to look at it again from that fresh and annoying angle. It’s the gift that keeps giving.
Avoidance of conflict isn’t in my best interest when I allow myself to get whacked or depleted by someone’s energy repeatedly because I don’t tell them how I feel or that it is not ok.
Recently when facing one of these moments I asked myself, “what is the worst thing that could happen if I told the person they hurt me, whacked me or dumped on me with their energy?” They could leave my life. They could be angry with me. They could turn it around and make it my fault. The worst of these possibilities for me is their anger.
Avoiding conflict is avoiding anger. My anger. Their anger. When anger isn’t addressed directly it gets sticky, icky, whacky, hurtful. This isn’t a psychology lesson but an energy lesson I’m talking about.
When anger comes up I always look for where my boundaries have been crossed. Many people have told me I have some of the clearest boundaries. They don’t know it’s because it’s my crux, my unsolved question, the point of difficulty I faced thoughout my life and truly the pivotal point which if resolved can shift me into an entirely different perspective or experience.
I see a lot of cruxes when reading clients. Lifelong lessons that keep coming back in a different form. It’s my biggest joy to find the root of a crux and help someone see and heal the heart of the issue. We all have soul specific challenges to walk through in life. The goal is not to eliminate these gifts that keep teaching us, but to learn from them and shift the pattern. They are our soul teachers.
People have lifetime cruxes around relationships, money, illness or a particular pattern of wounding. I have more than one. They all are in the relationship area. The one on my radar at the moment is my pattern of avoiding conflict.
I’m the peace maker. Heck, my younger self was a participant in a multi-national peace education workshop. I believe inner peace is more important than happiness. It is sustainable. I’ve learned to make peace within myself and not run away when I am in the face of conflict. I’ve learned to have clear boundaries. But I’m still working on the sticky aspect of saying the words that call a loved one to account when I feel hurt, disrespected or dumped on by their energy.
So, I breathe into this part of my humanity. I ask my soul, my spirit guides and my mentors for guidance on facing this crux. And I try to balance the part of me that is irritated by it with the part of me that is grateful that I know it’s actually happening so I can open to the next step in the lesson.
p.s. Give peace a chance 😉