Own Your Inner Asshole
I have a high tolerance for assholes. It took me a pandemic to realize it, but now I know I’m an asshole too. I suppose delayed recognition isn’t surprising. I justified my asshole behavior as being honest or having good boundaries. It’s because I'm psychic and know stuff others don’t, right? Or because I am healthily skeptical.
Once it really hit me, I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes. And I’m still laughing at my inner asshole as I write.
My dad used to say that I had a high tolerance for assholes, and guys with big noses, because he is an asshole and has a big nose, he’d say. It’s true. I can put up with some of the best assholes out there. I became an expert when I worked in the technology industry for 22 years, where tolerating people who lack empathy or social filters is necessisary for survival.
Recently I had a session with a medical intuitive. During the call I found myself bluntly expressing my disagreement with some of the beliefs that she stated. I felt so stubborn and certain. I even said “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I don’t agree.” For a couple days I found myself thinking my asshole thoughts, holding on to my stubborn beliefs. Then it hit me, “Seriously Natalie, you're being an asshole. You do this for a living so you are being arrogant, close minded and self-justifying. Stop it!”
Then I started laughing. And I’ve laughed a lot about it since. What a relief to "own" my inner asshole. At the time, my boyfriend played a funny song for me by Harley Poe. It helped me laugh even more. Morons Idiots and Assholes, which one are you? May be a bit of all three? Don’t listen to it if you are easily offended.
As empaths we can be overly sensitive to what someone else wants and needs -- sweet and pleasing to keep the peace. Saying or doing what makes another person feel good even if it’s not our truth. At the same time our inner asshole feels irritated or arrogant about what we know that others can’t see. Or what we have had to filter out to fit in.
It seems the craziness in the world has brought out a lot of our inner assholes. Judgments, certainty we know truth and other people are wrong or just stupid. Less of a filter. Maybe because filters are usually let down more at home and we are all spending more time in our homes.
My friend, we’ll call her Lenny, got a birthday gift recently from her husband and didn’t respond appropriately. Instead, with no filter, her true feelings showed. The look on her face said it all, “Really? Pink candles, I hate pink.” Her kids called her out on it, “Mom, you’re supposed to at least pretend like you like it.” But she just couldn’t. And I guess that’s what this time is bringing up for so many of us.
For empaths it is harder now than ever to have a filter between what you feel, “see” or “know” and how you express it. It’s harder to laugh at yourself, because the world is so serious right now. On top of that, if you have a habit of sensing and taking care of others needs before your own, it’s hard to feel lovable when your inner asshole shows up for everyone to see.
We all have one, so hopefully owning your inner asshole helps you laugh and release the stubborn energy like it did for me. As the old joke goes. “What was the last thing the mosquito saw when it hit the windshield? Its own asshole.” I’m just now getting the irony.