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Well it Matter in 50 Years?

Natalie —  September 11, 2013 — 2 Comments

At times in life I notice I’m not putting my priorities in the right order. The tyranny of the urgent, whether it’s someone else’s request or something I expect of myself, has me neglecting what I know in my heart is most important… my physical/mental/spiritual health, the people I love, life balance. Two weeks ago my priorities were put to the test. I had a business trip lined up, meetings, airfare, hotel, rental car and my dad was being hospitalized for a blood transfusion with a mystery illness that had been wearing him down for six weeks with fever, fatigue, then stomach pain and lots of weight loss.  I live in Colorado, he lives in Oregon. I intuitively knew his life was in danger when I had seen him last but he was too feverish to realize it, besides no one in Urgent Care had expressed much worry about his progressive deterioration.

That Monday morning I was struggling with what to do, Dad was playing down how serious it was when I spoke with him on the phone.  Should I keep my work commitments or go be with my Dad who I knew was fighting for his life, without a diagnosis?  In the state of emotional stress I realized I needed support to follow through with my desire to drop everything and drive to Oregon. I texted a friend and asked if he would drive with me. When he said yes, I felt a huge relief and started taking action to cancel my business trip that was meant for the next day. As soon as it was decided a big wave of peace washed over me. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring but I knew that my priorities were right and I would have no regrets.

In moments of crisis, decisions can feel overwhelming and doing what we need to do feel impossible.  It seemed all the tools I had for centering, self-reflection and getting clear weren’t within reach.  I called on those who know me best to be my anchor and remind me not to doubt my intuition.  To ignore my dad’s “don’t worry,” to set aside my clients “I need the demonstration this week,” and choose what would bring peace for my soul.  I had to press beyond my fear of letting others down, be it family or business associates, and lean on the strength of friends.

At my technology job it was one of the worst possible times for me to need to redirect my energy to family. I reflected on the sage advice from my manager Bill at my first job after college, “Is it going to matter in 50 years? If not, don’t stress about it.”  In 50 years it would matter if I was there for my dad and it wouldn’t matter if I postponed my business trip.

When the time came to let work know my circumstances, I received 100% support from colleagues, clients and management.  I felt the grace of their understanding and acknowledgement that we are all human with needs that come before work.

After being quarantined and run through many tests, they discovered my dad had a parasite, one that kills 100,000 people a year and almost killed him, but is curable! What a relief that it was discovered in time.  And while he’s recovering, I’ve been able to be here at the family Ranch for more time than I thought would be possible for me this year; a blessing in disguise.  This is in a profoundly nurturing place for my soul.  I’ve also had time to spend with my mom and brother who are both facing different mystery health challenges, and witnessed many surprising layers of family healing.

I was reminded from this experience that when I feel confused and am struggling to get clear on my intuitive truth, it’s still there.  I just have too much emotion between me and it, to see it clearly. At those times I can call on the people who know me best to help me clear away the emotional-charge and get grounded enough to see.

It all comes back to trust. When I went through my divorce at age 27 one of the big lessons I learned was that intimate love isn’t sustainable without trust. If you don’t trust your partner to consider your needs when they make choices that impact you, it disrupts the flow of love.  Yet the root of trust is in our relationship with our Self.  Recently one of my teachers put it to me this way, “You have to trust yourself to face and work through whatever life presents.”

It is not about the trustworthiness of another so much as trusting ourselves to make a good choice and to handle whatever life brings. An unspoken pain we feel when someone we trust betrays us is Self-doubt. Why didn’t I see that coming?  We may experience love and trust most measurably in our response to others but we first have to trust our Self.  Trusting our Self is an expression of Self-love.

To cultivate awareness and understanding of our intuition we have to start with trust.  It takes trust to listen to the messages from our heart, soul and body, the gut feeling or sense of what is our correct path regardless of outside validation.  We often over-analyze our intuitive insights by stacking the information up next to what we consider as facts; the provable data.

That provable data comes from past experiences, information the world tells us is reliable, evidence bent on helping us feel safe and in control of the outcome.  This logic first approach is a natural survival response, assessing the potential outcome of a choice and our safety in the situation.  Yet it undermines our inner-guidance.

Most of us can reference times in our life where we discounted our intuitive voice and continued down a path that had a less than desirable outcome.  In retrospect we acknowledged that we knew that the path wasn’t in alignment with our truth but something stopped from listening to that voice. We let the facts create doubt, or made a comfortable choice rather than one that was a bit uncomfortable which would have offered us greater ease and less pain in the long run.

Another facet of learning to trust our Self is being able to decipher when we are projecting onto a situation our desired outcome, rather than seeing it clearly. I truly believe that we have aspects of destiny at play in our lives and to meet our soul’s mission we can either do so with ease and grace by listening to our inner-guidance or we can struggle through it resisting the less comfortable path.  We’ll still get there but the journey through the lessons of our soul’s mission is more tiresome and painful when we don’t trust or inner-guidance.

Learning to trust our Self is as simple as listening to our intuitive nudges. Most often our intuition speaks gently to us and we have to slow down and intentionally listen to hear it.  It is not a drill sergeant demanding we pay attention and act in accordance to its directive.  Rather our intuitive-guidance is a resource we can choose to open up to. A partner in the path of life whom we can cultivate trust with just as with any relationship, through experience.

When people ask me what I do the conversation always gets interesting.  I balance both a mainstream technology career with my soul work as a clairvoyant.  People are really curious about what it’s like to be a psychic.  The word itself is loaded with assumptions, religious judgments, fear and misinformation.  They often ask, “How is it that you see things?”  Every psychic sees a bit differently but there are many similarities in how we see, in clairvoyant images, clairaudient hearing or clairsentience touch of an object or personal item to knows it’s story.  I see information visually, a stream of images crossing my minds-eye and tap into a stream of consciousness that is available on the non-linear plane and translate it into words.

When I’m in a clairvoyant reading space I am looking at the soul signature of the person who has given me permission to do the reading.  Every soul is unique, which is why it doesn’t matter if the person is in the same room or on the other side of the planet. It’s like tuning into a radio frequency or going to a websites IP address.  People come with questions or a desire for healing in certain areas of their life such as relationship, career, finances and health.

With a psychiatrist, one expresses their feelings, analyzes the motivations, comes to understand and change mental/emotional habits that are not constructive in order to reduce their stress.  The intent of psychology is to heal emotional wounds and feel more at peace.  The form of clairvoyant work I do, accesses a deeper subconscious layer often out of reach with psychology.  This view point looks at one’s souls history which some call the Akashic Records or Book of Life.

Unresolved experiences from the past unconsciously influence the present experience.  When I read, I look at the spiritual body, the unconscious layers of experiences that continue to influence what a person is attracting into their life. These aspects frequently find us repeating similar situations, relationships, etc. even after we have worked through and changed the psychological pattern.

Behind every question I’m asked is the desire for change, something isn’t going the way the person would like it to. They want to experience life differently, with inner-peace, a sense satisfaction or dreams fulfilled.  As I scan the aura, I use the chakras as a map of the body’s energy field indicating what the energy is related to: safety/survival (1st), creation/sexuality (2nd), power/manifestation (3rd), giving/receiving love (4th), communication (5th), analytical and intuitive mind (6th), connection with spirit (7th). I identify where there are blocks to the person creating the experiences they want. These area’s light up and that’s where I dive in deeper to then see the origin of the pattern.

As I watch this information presented, like a flow of images on a movie screen in my mind’s eye, I communicate what I’m seeing in the clearest way possible to the person I am reading.  In parallel, I am silently communicating with the spirit realm intervening on their behalf to erase blocks, deprogram ineffective belief systems, move out foreign energies and release any unresolved energetic charge from the past that is holding the person back in that specific area.

I choose to use my clairvoyance for healing, this means while I see future potential outcomes I don’t believe in reading them.  It is my personal desire not to promote attachment to a future that will change as we make choices that affect our life.  This keeps the door open for our choices to mold our life moment-by-moment into something more beautiful than we may have ever imagined.

While only some of us decide to hone our ability to see and understand what we are seeing to the extent that those labeled psychic have.  I believe that all of us have intuitive awareness available to us. We can each cultivate more of it through awareness, clearing out the cobwebs of our own agenda and learning tools for interpreting what we see.[subscribe2]

Our inner-voice is speaking but can’t get a word in edgewise with the constant connection to technology.  I guiltily admit to my habit of filling every free moment with technology check-ins.  On my phone, I tap into the world through online news, text, email, Facebook, Twitter and play Words with Friends.  It’s habitual, comforting and addictive.  Drinking my morning coffee, I check my phone. Waiting in line at the grocery store, I check my phone.  Decompressing at the end of the day, I play games on my iPad or iPhone.  All of the moments when I used to pause and really listen to myself, are being filled with mental activity through technology attachment.

Last week when I sat in meditation to just listen, no question, no agenda, I felt uncomfortable.  I set my phone on airplane mode so I wouldn’t get interrupted, then set the iPhone timer for fifteen-minutes hoping I could make it through the seemingly grueling long nothingness.  Sitting still isn’t my forte. I walk meditation and journal daily as ways to center and connect with my inner truth.  I quickly was reminded, that thoughtlessness was nourishing.  It refreshed my mind like a cool washcloth on a fevered forehead.

At fifteen-minutes when the iPhone marimba sounded, I turned it off and stayed floating in mediation for a full 45 minutes. At times I received clarity about something in my life unresolved, other moments just silence. The mediation erased the sense that there was too much to do, too much information to keep up with. It returned me to feeling “All is well.”

There is a stress inherent in the information age, the stress of keeping up and the stress of processing the constant stream of input. Ongoing technology connection keeps that stress active, even in down times.  We have become conditioned to constant mental stimulation.  We don’t even notice our minds are tired.  The stress relief and nourishment that comes from quiet time is as important as getting a good night’s sleep.

The next time you have to wait, instead of turning to fill the time with the constant stream of information served up with ease from your phone, just sit there, wait.  Let your mind be still.  It’s very relaxing once you get past the discomfort. It will release tension you don’t even know you are carrying.  Listening to our inner-voice takes discipline.  We have to turn off distractions and give ourselves permission to take the time to do nothing.

Calling on Angels

Natalie —  May 17, 2012 — 2 Comments

Communication with spiritual support, angels and the Divine, is like breathing.  It’s available every day and in parallel with any other activity.  We breathe while we speak with a friend. We breathe while we do the laundry. We breathe while we take a shower.  We breathe while we drive.  There is not a time we’re not breathing.  Prayer can be like that, an ongoing conversation with our angels. It doesn’t need to wait for a special moment.

We forget.  We save up our conversations with God for important occasions where we’re feeling pressed, stressed, in a pinch and we don’t see another way through what we are facing without difficulty.  Or we feel guilty asking for help from the spiritual realm when we are facing difficulties.  Always coming with our hand out, we hesitate to ask.  We especially forget to talk to our angels and guides when things are good, and express our gratitude.

To cultivate an intimate relationship with Spirit, we have to trust that our angelic support is available at all times.  Spiritual helpers are not sitting in judgment of our failure to ask earlier, nor are they upset that we are just remembering they exist.  They want to hear from us no matter what the topic. They want to help with the little and the big challenges.  They want to celebrate the good things with us too.

The purpose of requests for spiritual assistance is not to get out of our responsibilities or avoid the consequences of our choices. It’s to help us be present for them with strength and a lighter heart. It is to instill us with faith, that whatever the outcome, it is all going to be okay.  We’ll make it through the conflict, pain or uncertainty.

Communication with our spiritual support, angels and higher power, is very similar to listening to our intuition.  It is initiated through our thoughts in connection with our heart’s intent.  It’s a conversation with the invisible but all-present source of assistance.

We typically listen for intuitive insight, yet we have a habit of asking/talking more than listening in communication with God.  Listening is important.  Answers to prayer show up in mysterious ways.  If we don’t quiet our mind long enough to listen, we may miss the answer, or at least a piece of the gift.

We breathe while we listen. We pause, walk the dog, take a yoga class, we still our mind to hear the voice of God.  It’s a sacred space between our soul and Spirit.  It is available to us at any moment.  When we feel alone this support is right there in our midst.

A few weeks ago I rented the movie Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I’d heard the book was great but hadn’t read it. Artistically the movie was exceptional, suspense, storyline and cinematography great. What struck me was that millions of people watched the violent scene of sexual abuse in the film. I am a believer in the freedom of expression. Yet I found the violence of some scenes psychically disturbing. They were more than just images and sounds, there was spiritual vibration attached to them. They stuck with me energetically for many days.

Cultivating our intuitive awareness increases our sensitivity to the energy behind everything including movies, television and music. Yet we live in a culture where we are expected to be okay with graphic images of violence and abuse. And culturally we ignore that they are contributing to the global consciousness through their vibration. There is a desensitization that occurs.

Staying present for a movie like this asks us to ignore our body’s response to witnessing sociopathic behavior, to keep our eyes open and ears open and take it in. For those who are abusers this imagery feeds their imagination, gives them ideas. For those who are victims, this imagery reopens wounds and creates more fear.

My body’s response to the first violent sexual abuse scene in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was tightness in the stomach a slight nausea. I found myself closing my eyes periodically because I wanted to understand the story but not have the images in my memory. Movies, video and television tap into several layers of senses. This is why they are so powerful. They can make us laugh, cry and enraged. They shift our mood. We take them in primarily through sight and sound. But we also feel the emotions that these images and sounds activate. Emotions are what make us feel alive.

When we feel tightness in our belly (third chakra), it’s our intuition trying to tell us something. Third chakra is where we hold our personal power. My stomach tightness was telling me that I was witnessing something that was threatening to take my power, by activating fear through witnessing of sexual predator, violence and abuse.

Violence in the news, television and movies has desensitized us through repeated exposure. It has trained us to ignore the intuitive signals from our body. This desensitization has caused media to increase the raw and dramatic nature of the violent imagery in order to get our emotional response. When they get an emotional response they have an energetic hook into the viewer and can sell more of whatever they want to sell. They have succeeded in making us feel, even if the feeling is negative.

To cultivate our intuitive nature we have to undo the desensitization that we are conditioned with. We feel the world around us more intensely as those layers of desensitization are removed. It requires us to be conscious of the imagery that we are feeding ourselves because we feel the energy and notice how it is impacting our body and mind. When our body responds with tightness and withdrawal rather than openness and ease, we are signaled that whatever we are facing is not life giving but life taking. Positive emotions are life giving.

On the path to increase our intuition we are cultivating an openness that has us feel what we see on television and in movies. Re-sensitizing ourself leads to a greater sense of aliveness but it changes what we choose to take in.

Lake Austin Dock

I was at a local watering hole on the shore of Lake Austin last week, with a co-worker and some of his friends.  The topic of my hearts work, clairvoyant reading, came up in conversation. As has happened many times in my life, my colleagues curiosity set off a peppering of questions, doubts and a challenge. How is it possible to do that?  Prove it!

I was in my last two days of taking a month off from seeing clairvoyant clients to allow spiritual renewal for myself.  Austin was icing on the cake, full of inspiration, a city after my own heart, where you can take a “sweaty yoga” class from 10:30 pm till midnight on Friday night.  It was perfect timing to have my soul’s vocation questioned.

When my commitment to intuitive seeing and healing was affronted with a demand “read me now!” it was tempting to put a wall up, resist the intrusion, just say NO. But I found myself closing my eyes in a packed open-air bar asking my colleague to say his name three times, and then ask me a question.

Explaining the way I see doesn’t energetically answer the question of what it means to be a psychic who doesn’t read the future, rather reads what is blocking people at a soul level from creating what they want in life to help them heal.  Understanding it is more experiential than analytical. When I opened my eyes after 10 minutes of witnessing his soul, moving energy and being in the meditative state, I felt great.  I looked at my colleague and his entire countenance had shifted.  He was softer, had opened-up and no longer doubted. He was still curious but not demanding.

One of the root lessons in my spiritual path has been learning to have healthy boundaries around my sense of intuitive awareness.  Healthy boundaries includes taking time off to renew, saying “no” when we need to, not violating a person’s boundaries by psychically reading them without their consent.  It also means learning to not automatically empathically feel everyone around you and avoiding the temptation heal people who haven’t asked for it.  It means, distinguishing what energy is me and my experience, and what is yours and your experience.

As an intuitive our nature is to sense what is beyond the five senses in the environment around us.  It can be tricky not to take that sense of awareness too far by taking the information personally when it has nothing to do with us.  Or by matching it so deeply we mistake the emotional energy or physical pain as our own.

I responded to my colleagues demand to “prove it” because I felt relaxed, spontaneous and willing to share this part of myself with someone authentically curious.  I also wanted to observe myself reading with permission in the cacophony of a crowded bar and feel safe doing it.  As a younger woman I did not have the trust in spiritual protection to hold my space in that environment.

We all experience intuition in slightly different forms.  Some see images, some hear the voice of guidance, others feel sensations in the physical body, or prophetically see a specific future potential as destined.  Regardless of how we know what we know, there is not a need to prove it to anyone.  Our intuition is a gift of Divine guidance to help us through our personal experiences.

When we share that information with others as a professional we will occasionally be challenged by clients or strangers.  This challenge comes to strengthen our seniority in what we know. The less we doubt the validity of what we see, the more we can smile and be amused when others challenge us with their doubts.

Image thanks to http://performance-rules.com

Last week I was at my osteopath’s Dr. B, who had a student in training assisting the appointment.  As she was examining my back, he instructed her, “Listen to your right brain.  It knows where the spine is out of alignment. See how you’re hand has gone back to the same spot three times. You’ve got to turn off your left brain. It is making you question what your right brain knows.” In my world Dr. B was asking his student to listen to her intuition, to turn off her analytical minds interruptions and validate her sixth-sense awareness.

What was curious to me is that this medical doctor adamantly stated that the disrupted flow of spinal fluid could be felt without any equipment, simply touching the body and listening to the right brain.  He is very good at his work, and yet explaining how he knows what he knows to a student, was challenging in medical terms.

All good healers, whether they are doctors, dentists, psychiatrists or massage therapists actively use their intuition whether they acknowledge it or not.  My osteopath doesn’t think his awareness is of an intuitive nature.  His form of intuitive knowing is innate and he’s spent significant time cultivating it.  He doesn’t realize that it’s any different than the way his student might read a patient’s body.

We all experience intuitive data differently. While the information is the same, the way it comes to us can be a feeling a sensation in our own body, seeing a mental image, hearing a voice that provides direction or simply knowing without an indicator from one of the other five senses.

Dr. B impatiently instructed his student, “Your right brain will give you the yes. Turn off your left brain!” To cultivate confidence in our intuition, we also have to set aside the left brain analytical mind and listen for the yes.  When we are aligned with the intuitive yes, there is a sense of peace that comes even if the information is difficult.

Our sixth chakra (center of head) is where we hold both our intuitive knowing (right brain) and our analyzer (left brain).  The analyzer is trained to process facts, calculate evidence and derive answers.  The analyzer does not do well with information that has no correct answer such as emotions, bodily sensations and spiritual awareness.  That’s not its job.

Yet we try to force our left brain to process all of our experiences because we are taught that logic, science, having firm unchanging answers is the most valued in our society.  Many of the best insights into non-linear challenges come when we focus our attention away from the question and let our intuitive mind, in parallel, process the emotions and senses around it.

Repetitive, creative activities stimulate this, such as jigsaw puzzles, knitting and working in the garden.  We are present yet our left brain is distracted, giving our right brain room to breathe.  It takes practice to follow the doctors’ orders, set aside our left brain and listen to the right. It feels awkward at first, vulnerable.  Yet the more we do it, the more clearly we hear the yes, and the more our intuition informs our every experience.

Photo by Patrick Yuen

Heeding the direction of our intuition sounds wise and like a no-brainer but what happens when our intuition doesn’t give us the answer we want to hear?  We all have subtle agendas behind the questions we ask ourselves. These conscious or unconscious hopes and desires create bias or resistance to the direction we receive and may cause us to negotiate with our inner-guidance.

When we don’t get the answers we want from our intuition we are tempted to change the truth by looking at it from a different angle. Being pragmatic we ratchet up the volume of our analytical mind to overpower the subtler intuitive messages. We cajole, bargain and try to talk ourselves out of what we know, or we outright rebel, doing what we want, only to suffer the consequences.

All of these inner conversations are forms of manipulation or attempts to get what we want even if it’s not the best thing for us.  Crazy yes, but we all do it.  Sometimes not getting the answer we want is simply getting no answer, and having to live in the unknown for longer than we are comfortable.  The inner-critic and task master doesn’t like not having an answer so we pressure the inner-guide to give us what we want and NOW.

The internal conversation that occurs in this standoff can be frustrating and keep our minds spinning in circles.  The worst part is that these negotiations tend to hit is in our blind spots.  We don’t even notice them happening until we’ve missed an opportunity or made a poor decision, based on our agenda rather than our intuition.

When we notice ourselves in a circular conversation that undermines our inner-guidance, it’s an opportunity to step back and take a look at the source of our resistance.  What belief is in our space blocking us from accepting a path that is for our highest good?  Is it fear that we won’t get our needs met, fear that we’ll take a certain path and fail or is someone else’s agenda in our space influencing our choice? It may even be a global or cultural fear influencing us.

Meditation, being grounded and clearing our energy space of outside influence brings us closer to our truth. Examples of these practices can be found in my other blog posts such as The Meditative Path to Clarity, Own Your Space and A Dream Come True, Can You Have What You’ve Always Wanted.  Resistance to guidance from our intuition can be seen as a reminder to align our body, mind, emotions and spirit. To reclaim our energetic space and examine what inside us would prefer to stick with a predetermined agenda rather than take a path that is for our higher good.

The Magic of NOT Knowing

Natalie —  October 26, 2011 — 6 Comments

True creation requires stepping into undefined space where our question stays open, unknown.  When we latch onto an answer too soon we limit our potential to see.  We shut down the magic that comes from wonder and curiosity.  We engage the analytical mind without allowing space for our intuition.

This empty space full of potential “the void,” can only exist if we allow it to.  The void is an exceptionally challenging place to live.  It’s counter to our survival instinct, that wants to feel safe by having answers. Yet allowing space for the unknown is where we experience breakthroughs in awareness.

Breakthroughs are precious moments where our consciousness shifts and we see from a new perspective.  Unless forced by circumstances, most of us don’t intentionally make time in our lives for the creative void.  When life wants to get our attention, we find ourselves in a challenge that requires we wait, pause, slow down and NOT know.

Our analytical mind wants to have the answer and move on.   It gets frustrated by delay.  It is compelled to solve whatever dilemma or puzzle is before it.  It doesn’t like to be put on-hold while we allow ourselves to be in the unknown, waiting for new possibilities to be reveal.

Our intuitive mind has a more gentle approach.  It gives us signals, hints, opportunities to notice the contribution it can provide.  It doesn’t bark at us but calls to us.

The analytical mind harasses us for explanations, justification and evidence before we act on our intuition.  The  intuitive mind invites us to trust the creative zone of questions that have no pre-defined answer. It leads us, one awareness at a time, in a direction we might never have imagined, to places we never knew existed.

The magic of creation expands when we honor the gifts of both our capacity to look at what we experience with logic as well as trust our intuitive observations.  We are culturally taught to let the analytical mind direct our lives.  By doing so, we miss many opportunities to get out of a rut and onto a new path.  We repeat the same old annoying patterns in our lives.

To cultivate a juicier life, we can intentionally create spaces of NOT knowing.  Instead of jumping to the way we’ve always done it or repeating what we see others do, we pause in the void to allow room for a new creation.  It is uncomfortable to hold this undefined space. Yet it is critical to choose to NOT know long enough to deeply listen to our intuitive signals.  When we do, we hear spiritual direction that guides us on a path less predictable, more magical.

This blog post was inspired by a speech given by Ron Walters at a technology conference in Boise on the importance of boldness, curiosity and nothing/allowing space for the unknown in the design process.