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We all want clarity, to feel solid about our decisions and choices. We want to know what is best for us. What path to take. We realize at a deep level that no other person can give us the answer. We may seek reflection and input from others, but we are doing so to hear ourselves speak our first thoughts, notice our response to this advice, to see if we agree or disagree and why.
We know there is information available to us that is immeasurable, essence level insight. Stuff we can’t explain even though we try to explain it. We wish we felt a more solid about to the intuitive guidance available to us. We want to know we are making choices that will lead to happiness.
Clearly interpreting our inner-guidance is not a skill taught in school or at home. Often when we have an intuitive aptitude for reading other’s energy it is a result of needing to develop this skill for our own safety or survival. It can be more difficult to see our own truth when our intuitive skills were cultivated from a point of trauma or lack. To develop clarity we need to remove obstacles to our vision.
There are as many layers of experience influencing us as there are years in our life, some would say more. When we begin to focus attention on listening to our inner-guidance, it’s like learning to walk all over again. Our legs are a little wobbly, we let the momentum of gravity move us forward and toss a leg out to balance ourselves, then another. Only learning to trust its support and gain confidence in our body as we maintain our balance with each forward step.
To develop the skill of trusting our intuitive guidance, a daily meditation practice is essential. This doesn’t need to be an hour with your eyes rolled back into your head and an empty mind. The type of meditation I refer to is tuning into your energy body for 5 or 15 minutes. I do so every day while walking my dog. It’s that simple. Focus awareness on the following elements:
- Grounding Cord – that which connects us to the foundation of the earth, our root extending from the tip of our spine to the center of the earth
- Cosmic Energy –energy from the spirit realm, flowing down into us from the crown of our head
- Earth Energy – energy from the earth, it runs up through our legs to join with the cosmic energy
- Aura Bubble – our personal space as defined by an energy field that surrounds our physical body
- Center of Head – the space between your ears and behind your eyes where you “see” rather than “feel” intuitively
Tuning into these energy tools and claiming them for ourselves, will dissipate the fog of doubt and help us clean out external influences. Meditation is an essential form of spiritual housekeeping that allows us to see clearly. From the
space of greater clarity we can even identify when we need external perspective to get beyond our own blocks. Meditation prepares us for deep listening, the kind that helps us break through the mistof uncertainty so we can align action with our vision to create the life we want.
“You should know how I feel.”
The closer we are to a person the more we assume they will interpret and respond to our needs and desires without verbal communication. It’s tempting to try to intuitively read other’s needs to reduce conflict in relationships but in doing so we enter hazardous territory.
Our first point of reference in any situation is how we would feel or experience it. That is the root of why people expect others to know how they feel. Those of us who are naturally intuitive first experienced reading others feelings and needs empathically (second chakra). When we empathically read there’s a tendency to match the emotion which alters our clarity.
As we evolve our intuitive skills to a point of better boundaries, we move out of feeling a person and matching the energy, into a space of seeing (sixth chakra). When seeing rather than feeling we are in a stronger position to provide support, if it is welcomed by the person in need.
Another hazard of reading someone’s needs and responding, rather than asking for direct communication, is identifying the source of truth we are seeing. Each human has four need centers:
- body
- mind (conscious or subconscious)
- emotion/heart
- soul/spirit
These aspects of Self are not always in agreement. Our need centers perceive their yes/no with different priorities and filters. The body may determine rest is the top priority while the mind and emotions override it with an agenda that they perceive is more important to complete before rest is allowed. When we try to gauge this priority for someone else and respond to what we see, we come across as controlling rather than supporting what they know to be true for themselves.
In addition, when we read others without their permission, even if it is from a place of wanting to help, we are intruding on their psychic space. That intrusion whether consciously noticed or not, creates discomfort for the person we are reading. They feel outside energy in their space and find it harder to get clear on their own needs. They push back actively or passively to try to regain a sense of stability for themselves.
People we care about may insinuate they want us to read their minds or know what they need without us asking them, but when we do there are many potential land mines to navigate. Our best course of action is to communicate more than necessary when we sense someone needs something from us before we act. And stay focused on keeping a clear awareness of our own needs so we can communicate them to those who support us.
Have you ever wondered why some relationships end with a sense of being unsettled even when it is clear that the reasons for being together, the attraction or the love have faded away? We all have soul level contracts with many people. They consist of agreements made through conscious commitments to each other and unresolved experiences we have shared that build a backlog of karma.
Relationships that include experiences of pain or commitments unfulfilled leave us with a sense of incompletion. You know it’s over but it’s not really over, it’s just over for this lifetime. It’s the same for relationships that start but stop before the past karma has been resolved.
On a spirit level, karma is our energetic bank account, a reserve of resources we’ve built up from experiences as a soul. This energy carries forward into our new encounters. Karma is also a backlog of unresolved energy we have the opportunity to heal or release. As we wander this lifetime we are presented with opportunities every day to create more karma through our interactions.
When we have karma with someone, it means we have a history as soul’s together, experiences both positive and negative. We may have been married in the past, friends or opponents in war. We may have betrayed another soul, saved their life or had incomplete access to information about our experiences together, which left us unresolved as we exited that lifetime.
We are attracted to relationships where we have karma we need to complete. There’s something for us to do together and we feel it in a magnetic way. There’s a commitment to keep, a debt to fulfill, amends to make or we simply had such a great time with this soul in a previous life that we want to celebrate the reunion and have some more fun.
If we are in a relationship that releases that unresolved backlog through new experiences together, eventually we’ll get to a point where we feel there’s not as much drawing us to the person. We feel less attracted. The zing of excitement that the unresolved karma generated may leave the relationship feeling lackluster, in a slump, even boring. Often when the intense karma is complete in an intimate relationship one or both people feel it’s lost something and they want to end the agreement.
When we find ourselves at this juncture in a relationship, we need to create a new purpose for being together, such as agreeing to build joyful experiences together. With two willing and committed souls, making it past this threshold of awareness can take our relationship fulfillment to new heights.
If we want to release karma with another and they are not a willing participant in the healing process we can start by calling on our spiritual resources. At the basic level it requires taking responsibility for our contribution to the karma that has been created, whether it was through allowing ourselves to be the victim or inflicting some harm on another.
Using clairvoyance and soul healing tools in my work, I help clients look at the unresolved- energetically charged experiences in their relationships. In this process we release the charge on past experiences, bring the relationship agreement into the present desired state and communicate with the Akashic Record keeper to update the soul records with this new information. The soul agreement healing allows us to move forward without that sense of incompletion even when the other person is not interested in participating in resolution.
The word control has a bad rap. It’s associated with being anal, uptight, rigid, difficult and domineering. There are ways that control supports our health and others that block us from having joy. The two primary faces of control that we look at as we cultivate our intuitive awareness are:
1) Control that sets a clear boundary for our energetic space
2) Control of others, an intrusion into their energetic space
This first type of control helps us maintain “seniority” or “authority” over our energetic space. In activating this type of control we claim our true power to be the one calling the shots regarding our soul’s experience in this body. When we don’t exercise seniority in our psychic space (sixth chakra, center of head), other people’s energy and the energy of spiritual entities (beings without a body) can get in our aura and alter our emotions and perspective.
The presence of another’s energy in our psychic space, alters our clarity and drains our power. One indicator that someone’s energy is in your space, versus your own thoughts seeking them out, is a thought of them that pops into your mind while you are doing another focused activity. For example your mind is engaged in a project or conversation, thinking a specific line of thought then – bink – out of nowhere their name or a thought of them interrupts your thoughts.
It does no harm to move their energy out of your psychic space and give yourself room. This can be done using the simple visualization of their energy moving out of the center of your head into a bubble and sending that bubble of their energy back to them.
The second type of control has earned its bad rap, yet it is generated from our human nature, so no one is immune. From the earliest age we develop abilities to control and manipulate others to get our needs met. It’s a survival skill and comes from a place of innocence. As we grow-up, especially if our basic needs are not met, these skills may evolve into unhealthy controlling behaviors that intrude in other people’s energetic space. Often they show up in the guise of trying to help someone, provide advice or fix something we perceive is broken in them. Whenever the attempt to heal or help is engaged without the permission and consent of the person you have energy on, it becomes controlling and has negative results.
Most controlling behavior is subconscious. The controller perceives they are doing something positive to help the person they are trying to control. But it doesn’t feel that way to the person being controlled. Even if it sounds good, it still feels sticky-icky when help comes from a place of control. And the deeper motivation behind it is always to make the person controlling feel better. The out-of-control healer (OUCH) intrudes into our psychic space. This disrupts our clarity and undermines our personal power.
As an exercise in consciousness we can use our intuition to notice when we are pushing an agenda, not staying neutral to someone’s choices or pain. This usually results in wanting to fix their problem or take away their suffering. These are the points where we are most likely to invade their space with unwanted help, trying to make ourselves feel more comfortable by controlling our perception of their pain.
To develop our intuitive awareness we need to heal our use of control energy. This happens when we exercise seniority over our space and become conscious of our controlling behavior, shifting into a place of neutrality around another’s choices and experiences. Then we can truly help them in ways that honor their own spiritual seniority.
A Dark Night of the Soul is a period of time or season that many of us on the spiritual journey find ourselves in once or more in our life. The Dark Night comes unexpectedly through some change or experience that causes us to question all that we’ve known to be true. It is a time where we find ourselves feeling disillusioned with a temporary loss of faith. What we trusted appears in a new light to have been temporary and incomplete. The foundation we’d built our perception of the world on shifted and in that shift we found ourselves unsettled. What felt meaningful feels meaningless, what seemed solid looks unreliable, what we thought we knew to be true comes into question.
Walking through a Dark Night of the Soul period requires intense resilience. It pushes our edge, uses every ounce of our psychological capacity for survival. The Dark Night can be triggered by things like divorce, loss of a job, loss of a role or identity we’ve identified with or physical illness. Where it takes us is a profound void that may feel like depression, hollowness, hopelessness, emptiness and doubt.
How do we endure this mental and spiritual struggle? What gets us through the void and back to a point of inner-peace? I’ve found that, an essential aspect of the healing and growth the Dark Night has to offer comes through the following conscious choices:
- Acknowledging that the cycle of living in the unknown has purpose.
- Calling on our inner-guidance with much more frequency and consistency.
- Moving our body to allow the cycle to stay in motion on the physical level.
- Seeking support through the council of spiritual mentors who have walked the path before.
These paths of self-care give us strength and help us see that we will make our way to a season of light again.
The Dark Night may feel like a stuck place in our external life or a place where everything is in chaos. However stagnant it feels or looks in the physical form it is an active season for the soul. The soul is in chrysalis. It has gone within and on certain levels may require us to go unconscious about some of the work underway. Transformation, upgrading our soul to integrate all the bits-and-pieces we’ve been encountering in our self-awareness and growth at the deepest level.
Some of these levels of processing are beyond what we can or are ready to consciously “see” as they transform. We have to be patient and trust the inner activity. We have to ask our mind, as it seeks to fix what appears to be broken, the mind that wants a solution, wants answers, to be patient while the Dark Night chrysalis is evolving us from the caterpillar to the butterfly.
The void has us fear a loss of Self. It has us feel alone and as if we may have lost all of the ground we had gained through our conscious growth and commitment to self-awareness and health. In reality there is no loss, at the other side of this deeply challenging soul searching cycle we find ourselves renewed, more mature, with an inner radiance that transcends our prior light.
The Dark Night is a soul crisis. It pushes us to the full extent of what we feel our soul is capable of handling. It may temporarily break our spirit but the Great Spirit/God never gives us more than we can handle. The discovery of our inner strength, the renewal and appreciation for what generates inner-peace for us, makes the journey through the void, the rebirthing of our higher Self, well worth the battles we face when staring at the unknown.
Awhile back I spent some time reflecting with a friend on what a great job would look like. Without focusing on the form it would take, we listed the types of experiences I would like to have with co-workers, clients and the company. The values, environment, support to do my job, working hours, how I would feel, how much time I wanted alone or interacting with others. The door was open in my view to self-employment, working for a company and the form of vocation. I made my wish list into two-pages of affirmations focused on what I’d like to feel in my work and income earning space. For a month I read the list every day reminding myself of what I desired to create and adding the occasional fresh possibility. Then I got distracted by life and let it sit in a drawer for a year.
When I came back to my wish list, I was in the process of considering a job offer that would allow me the time to do my soul’s purpose work as well as have a steady income working part-time for a technology company doing work I also love to do. In writing out my wish list I had realized that I had a diversity of needs that may not all be met through one type of work. I was amazed at how the job being offered lined up with my vision.
The desire for meaningful work haunts so many of us. Often we have a lack of clarity on what a great career would be for us. I discovered that by removing the labels of the job function and type of business, focusing on a how I want to feel and live day-to-day, I was able to create vibrational clarity for my career space. Following the Law of Attraction I chose to shift my energy to match what I desired until it showed up.
Beyond fleshing out our needs and desires for a work space we can use meditation tools to prepare our energetic body to receive what our hearts desire. Here’s a simple meditation for cleaning out and architecting our career space:
- In a meditation space, start with visualizing a fresh grounding cord, the attachment from the base of your spine to the earth. This root creates a solid foundation.
- Imagine a rose floating a couple of feet in front of you and notice the stem of the rose running down into the earth. This is our career cleanout rose. See any belief or energy held in your body that is blocking a positive work experience move out of your aura and into the rose. Some examples to cleanout: confusion, fear of failure, control, financial fear, the belief that work has to be hard, other people’s judgments, self-judgment. When this rose is full of all that unneeded energy, cut the stem and send it off to a faraway place and watch it explode.
- Visualize a new rose for your career design/vision. Visualize dropping into the blossom of the rose all of the energies you would like to experience in your work space. Some examples: ease, financial prosperity, respect, fun, work/life balance, flexibility, intellectual stimulation or inspiration. When the rose is full of all that you want to create, ask your higher power/God to bless it, cut the stem and release it to the universe to seed your vision.
Some people fuel their life by tapping into the energy of others. The most skilled energy consumers find a way to hook into us and keep us hanging. Part of their pattern is use of a compelling promise that goes unfulfilled. It is sticky to keep us from detaching from them. This type of draining relationship connection feeds on our deepest desires, making it particularly hard to reclaim our power.
We may notice the relationship has us waiting on a future return but subconsciously feel there’s a payoff in it for us, the fulfillment of something we need. Our desire may be the love they offer, the purpose we feel from helping them, a sense of being valued, or the influence we may gain from connection to their projected power. I call this the hook and retreat energy dynamic.
This friend, lover or family member frequently says or insinuates the value of staying connected to them is in a future promise. “When I do ______, you’re going to get ______.” When I make a lot of money, when I become famous, when I get a divorce, when I get promoted, when I die, when I finish whatever I am doing that requires me to ask you for more energy than I give you in return. Unfortunately the time of rebalancing rarely comes. The energy consumer hasn’t figured out how to generate their own power so they seek it in outside sources. If they do finally achieve a goal, there’s no lasting payout for us because their target changes to a future date.
We all have been on both sides of energy exchange; no one is immune to moments of giving or taking out-of-balance. But when we experience hook and retreat, our body will let us know through a sensation of tightness or queasiness in our belly. This is the location of our third chakra, where we activate our personal power. The body notices that our power is being redirected. The result is less energy for our own creations and a sense of being off-balance.
The hook and retreat relationship has moments that make us feel crazy. The words, actions and energy of the energy consumer are questionable enough to evoke a sense of uncertainty. Our intuition is trying to make us aware of the deception. The energy consumer always believes their own story so they don’t realize they are being deceptive. The imbalance created from the cord into our core makes it hard to see clearly and remove ourselves or renegotiate the relationship.
Here are a couple of tools you can practice to reclaim your power when you have been hooked:
- Clean out your 3rd chakra. Visualize a gold rose and see it mopping out that belly area front to back, soaking up all the energy that is not yours in that space. Imagine the rose flying somewhere far away and dissipating. Call your energy back to you from any person you’ve given your power away to and fill the empty space with your own vibration.
- Visualize a Protection Rose in the space between you and this person. The intention of the rose is to filter out any attempts to attach to your energy.
The stealth aspect of this behavioral pattern is how it taps into our subconscious desire. We are seduced by a subversive agenda. The truth that we are never going to get the need met is hard to see. It feels possible and it feels strong. By reclaiming our energy space we have the opportunity to see the relationship more clearly and gain energy to use for our own creations.
There are a lot of mixed social messages about power. People strive for it, fear it, are drawn to it, angry at it and feel guilty about wielding it. It is suppressed, idolized and ridiculed. From an early age we are taught to conform to the collective, and therefore redirect or deny aspects of our will. Most of us were trained to fear showing our power because we were punished for doing so. When we deny or suppress our power we are restraining our capacity to contribute good creative energy to the world. Power is directed energy.
If you feel guilty about being your naturally powerful Self, here are some reminders of why it’s good:
- Owning our personal power allows those around us to relax because they don’t have to “care take” us or guess about what we need. We’re solid, clear.
- When we express our truth in a vulnerable and authentic way, we’re more powerful and approachable.
- Activating our will power allows us to overcome inertia, move forward in life.
- Setting clear intentions is powerful. Magic happens when we are in this zone.
Disempowered people don’t seem to be living much at all. They carry lots of disappointment, anger, apathy and depression. To stand in our power (truth) we have to be willing to disappoint people we care about in the short run. They may not like our choices but if we make choices to please others, that are not true to our path, we eventually will disappoint them with our lack of full investment in the decision.
Healthy power does not dominate but vibrates truth. The more we align with the truth of our desire to create and allow it to flow, activating directed energy, the greater we feel. The third chakra is where our will resides, our core, the center most pivotal point of our physical body. To release social programs and other self-imposed limitations to our power, we can clean out the third chakra and fill it in with our own vibration.
In the meditation space, imagine a large bubble a few feet away from you. See all the energy that is not yours but in your third chakra move out of it into this bubble. Send the control energy, family expectations, pressure to conform, apathy, anger or fear energies that are in this space out to the bubble. When the bubble is full and your third chakra clear, imagine the bubble floating to a far away place and pop it in your mind’s eye. Then give your third chakra a new color that represents your vibration today (any color but white).
Anodea Judith writes in Wheels of Life, The User’s Guide to the Chakra System, the third chakra is home to “the spark of enthusiasm that ignites power and will.” We all desire to live ignited, inspired lives. We have this ability within us. It’s simply a matter of clearing away what is blocking our natural power so we can live purposefully.
It’s the perfect time of year to clean cobwebs and dust bunnies out of the corners of our life. The budding of spring evokes a desire to let go of what no longer matches our vision to make room for something fresh and new. Both in our physical world and our spirit, clearing energetic space lightens us up and brings us into the present moment.
To prepare ourselves for new opportunities that show-up along our path in love, at work or home, there are some spiritual spring cleaning tools we can use that don’t cost much more than time and intention.
In ancient spiritual traditions energy is cleared and healed with ritual smudging. Smudging is the act of burning sage, sweet grass or other plants, such as those collected near a place where a lightning strike burnt the earth. The sacred smoke purifies an area or object. Combined with spiritual invocation the smoke absorbs and neutralizes any negative energy. It cleanses the space to make way for new creation.
In The Smudging and Blessings Book Jane Alexander writes, “Cleansing a space or our bodies with techniques such as smudging clears away all the emotional and psychic ‘garbage’ that may have gathered over years or even hundreds of years.” Begin with a lit smudge bundle or braid of sweet grass and something to catch ashes, walk through each room of your home or office and take the smoke to each of the corners of the room. If the weather is nice, open doors and windows to allow fresh air to flow through, moving energy with the planet’s breathe.
After you have smudged the space take a moment to sit meditation. Clear your mind of distractions with deep breathing. Notice the grounding cord connected from the base of your spine down into the center of the earth. When you feel clear and centered visualize a large rose in the center of the home or office space. It’s stem running down through the floor, through the layers of the earth and rooting into the core of the planet. Then see a gold thread coming from each of the top four corners of the building or property into the center of the blossom of the rose. See four more gold threads connecting from the bottom corners of the space to the blossom of the rose. Mentally intend that the space is set at your vibration, in present time, today’s date. If you share space with others you can include their energy.
Clearing and owning the space we live and work in can be done as often as we like. It keeps the vibration current and in alignment with our energy. It makes the space more cooperative with our movements and rest. It removes the distraction of energetic holdovers from past inhabitants or events. Ultimately, cleaning our energetic space increases our intuitive clarity.
The January 2011 issue of Discover magazine presented results of research by neuroscientist Lauren Silbert that proved we can get inside someone’s head when they are communicating with us. Her study scanned brain activity determining that “among the most attentive listeners, key brain regions lit up before her words even came out, suggesting anticipation of what she would say next. ‘The more you anticipate someone, the more you’re able to enter their space.’ Siblert says.” Research now proves what psychics have long known to be true, as we engage with the people in our life, subconsciously we are communicating with non-verbal or spiritual energy mind-to-mind. As we hone our intuitive awareness we want to clearly hear our inner-guidance, therefore it is important that our center-of-head space is free from outside influences.
The better we identify and remove the distortions of perception based on other people’s influence in our energy field, the greater clarity we gain. This starts by owning our sixth chakra, the center of head space. The sixth chakra is where our intuition and analytical mind reside. As science confirms, it’s normal for people to get in each other’s space through this chakra since it is the telepathic communication channel. If a person pops-up in your mind unexpectedly, you can be sure they have energy in your space. It is a subconscious way for the person to feel they have some insight into what might come next in the relationship by reading the other person.
As part of the foundational meditation taught in psychic training we start every class with grounding our energy and cleaning out our sixth chakra. There are a lot of fun ways to do this, all are forms of visualization. With your eyes closed try one of these exercises. Follow-up by filling-in that same space with your own energy:
- See that center-of-head being sprayed clean with a fire hose
- Watch everything that is not your energy get blown away by a high-powered fan
- Put a slide at the edge and imaging all the energy that is not yours sliding down and out
- Visualize a bubble outside of your aura collecting up all the energy that is not you, then send that bubble somewhere far away and pop-it.
Through regularly cleaning out any energy in your center-of-head space that is not you and replacing that with your own vibration, you are able to more easily access your inner-guidance and trust it.
