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Life throws us obstacles, bumps that come out of nowhere. The goal is to stay loose enough to adjust to the changes and centered enough to keep in control when the shit hits the fan. When the ground beneath us moves so fast that it’s hard to focus, we have to tune into our intuitive knowing, stay in that controlled out-of-control state.
Skiing and snowboarding teach us this flexibility. If you want to enjoy your journey downhill there’s no option but to be 100% present; aligned body-mind-spirit. Adjust to the shifting terrain, in the moment.
Our core (third chakra), center-of-gravity is in the bliss zone, balanced with velocity, snow and the contour of the mountain. When another skier crosses our path, a mogul, rock or tree faces us, we turn but we don’t turn permanently away from our intended path. We take a turn that avoids collision and another turn that returns us to our direction of choice.
In the moment we may recognize that our chosen path is not taking us in a direction that is going to bring us pleasure, success or good circumstances, so we permanently redirect our course. If we don’t foresee the need to turn or the obstacle throws us out of our center we’ll crash. Varying degrees of wipeout occur, depending on how tuned-in we were to our body and our surroundings.
We make graceful turns when we are centered in our truth, tuned-in to our surroundings and willing to adjust course when the flow points us in a different direction. Practicing mediation tools each day gives us this core strength when faced with any challenge. To do this we:
- Take the time early in the day to clear our mind (sixth chakra) of the past and other people’s energy or agendas.
- Ground (root chakra) our energy in the present day.
- Call any of our scattered energy back to ourselves and visualized it filling every cell of our body.
Being grounded and saturated in our true essence is the bliss zone. It allows us to be present for the obstacles in life and to navigate them without feeling as much trauma. It feels aligned, peaceful and full of possibility. Taking responsibility for our life by owning our energy space teaches us that we can keep our focus yet be flexible enough to make graceful turns.
Soul contracts or relationship agreements have a heavy influence on our experience of attraction and attachment. When we have a relationship agreement or soul contract with someone we find ourselves drawn to them and may not understand why. We just know that something strong is pulling us to connect.
Attraction is a combination of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. The enduring connections combine all aspects aligned for both parties. When one party experiences a significantly stronger attraction than the other and the relationship doesn’t take root or roots itself in shallow soil.
Sexual connections with someone we have a soul contract with can be expansive, crack us open and leave us wanting more. The momentary energetic oneness stirs up all that our souls have known together. It can be both ecstatic and excruciating. Beyond the primal physical and psychological aspects of our mating game, what is it that hooks us in? Why might one person think its love and the other not?
When we have a soul contract with someone, a promise we’ve made in this life or a past lifetime, both parties don’t always see the agreement the same context. It may be there is a debt owed from incomplete karma. Or our promise was to show-up to remind the other person of something they asked us to remind them of, even if it doesn’t feel so loving when we deliver the message.
Our messenger may arrive when we aren’t in a good place to receive the message or they may not relay the message in a form we comprehend. We may react, stir the pot with awareness that isn’t fully informed, and create more karma with each other rather than healing or competing past unresolved energies.
We may feel like we’ve known the person forever although we just met. We might feel an irrational sense of attraction when we have nothing in common; or an unexplainable sense of attachment after a short encounter. These are not just psychological or physical responses. There is a layer of spiritual activity a play.
When both parties are present to the possibility of the soul contract, healing and growth is heightened. A powerful aspect of self-responsibility comes when we own our ability to update our relationship agreements rather than be at the whim of whatever comes.
If you have a soul contract you are ready to update to present time you can do this by going into your mediation space and visualizing the relationship agreement with the particular person, the contract:
- See the details or general aspects of the agreement and choose what parts you would like to keep which parts you are ready to release.
- Imagine the parts that are outdated being crossed off the contract.
- Send the request through your intention to the soul of the other person.
- Sign the new contract with your mark, to make it real.
- Put it in an imaginary bubble and ask the Supreme Being to bless it.
- Ask your Akashic record keeper to record a copy of the new agreement and to give a copy to the other person’s record keeper.
If the relationship is very deep and influential you may need outside help from a professional clairvoyant healer to see clearly the aspects of the relationship that need to be adjusted. Romantic relationships, love and sex are powerful influencers in the human experience. Honor that power with your positive intentions and give yourself grace for the healing process.
Work energy is great to access at the appropriate times but it puts a damper on warm connections with loved ones and can override our personal needs, the true juice of a joyful life. Shifting our lead energy vibration between work and non-work time can be difficult. There is pleasure derived from certain aspects of the work and it takes our focus off of other aspects of life we have less control over. Our focused, productive analytical Self is “on” and were getting things done but how do we change the tone when the work day is done?
Today I was reminded of the unspoken lesson that Mister Rogers reinforced at the beginning of each TV program. He walked in the door of his home, took off his suit jacket and put on a cardigan. Then he changed out of his professional shoes and into sneakers. All while singing! He ritualistically shifted gears as soon as he got home, to a focus on relaxation, connection and playfulness.
In addition to changing our clothes or moving into a new environment, we can consciously change the volume of certain vibrations of energy in our space. Visualizing an imaginary gauge in front of us to make adjustments, like a fuel gauge reads empty to full, the needle can show us how full our space is of a specific energy. Is our analyzer on 75%, decision maker at 50%, income earner and task oriented Self at 100%? What about our creative energy, curiosity, sensuality, adventurousness?
At the start of a work day we turn up those energies that will be helpful to in getting our work done. At the end of the day imagine turning them down and turning up the volume of the vibrations you want to experience while not working. You may also want to visualize the energy from all of your work encounters and activities moving out of your space into a balloon and either tie the string holding that energy balloon somewhere to retrieve later when needed or set it free to move out of your aura field, leaving a cleaner space for your next focus.
I’m applying the Mister Rogers principle to consciously shift my energy from work to personal time… won’t you join me? Turn down the analytical, achievement oriented business vibration and turning up the creative, nurturing, permission to relax vibration at the end of your work day.
- Photo by Patrick Yuen
Heeding the direction of our intuition sounds wise and like a no-brainer but what happens when our intuition doesn’t give us the answer we want to hear? We all have subtle agendas behind the questions we ask ourselves. These conscious or unconscious hopes and desires create bias or resistance to the direction we receive and may cause us to negotiate with our inner-guidance.
When we don’t get the answers we want from our intuition we are tempted to change the truth by looking at it from a different angle. Being pragmatic we ratchet up the volume of our analytical mind to overpower the subtler intuitive messages. We cajole, bargain and try to talk ourselves out of what we know, or we outright rebel, doing what we want, only to suffer the consequences.
All of these inner conversations are forms of manipulation or attempts to get what we want even if it’s not the best thing for us. Crazy yes, but we all do it. Sometimes not getting the answer we want is simply getting no answer, and having to live in the unknown for longer than we are comfortable. The inner-critic and task master doesn’t like not having an answer so we pressure the inner-guide to give us what we want and NOW.
The internal conversation that occurs in this standoff can be frustrating and keep our minds spinning in circles. The worst part is that these negotiations tend to hit is in our blind spots. We don’t even notice them happening until we’ve missed an opportunity or made a poor decision, based on our agenda rather than our intuition.
When we notice ourselves in a circular conversation that undermines our inner-guidance, it’s an opportunity to step back and take a look at the source of our resistance. What belief is in our space blocking us from accepting a path that is for our highest good? Is it fear that we won’t get our needs met, fear that we’ll take a certain path and fail or is someone else’s agenda in our space influencing our choice? It may even be a global or cultural fear influencing us.
Meditation, being grounded and clearing our energy space of outside influence brings us closer to our truth. Examples of these practices can be found in my other blog posts such as The Meditative Path to Clarity, Own Your Space and A Dream Come True, Can You Have What You’ve Always Wanted. Resistance to guidance from our intuition can be seen as a reminder to align our body, mind, emotions and spirit. To reclaim our energetic space and examine what inside us would prefer to stick with a predetermined agenda rather than take a path that is for our higher good.
Ghost buster at Zombie Crawl Denver 2011
All Hallows Eve is creeping in with curiosity and playful energy about ghosts, zombies, paranormal and the dead in various forms. When people feel something tangible that they can’t see or touch it can be frightening and a thrill. As a person who is regularly aware of the presence of Spirits, I find it curious how often we make ghost or Spirits out to be scary tormented messengers of darkness. What we are reflecting with this perception is awareness that the Spirit is stuck, disturbed, unable to move on and find peace.
We all are Spirits with a physical body and when we die our Spirit continues to exist. What we call a ghost is the Spirit of a person, as it existed in a particular lifetime. Ghosts linger in a physical place often where the person once spent time while alive. Their Spirit was unable to complete some aspect of their experience from that life and remains stuck, revisiting the trauma or unfinished commitment.
On the night of the Zombie Crawl in Denver a couple of clients of mine went to a stately old hotel for a cocktail and struck up a conversation with the bartender about rumors of the hotel being haunted. They were given permission to wander the halls to see what they might find. With their perception tuned to the paranormal, they were open to seeing what wanted to be seen.
Suddenly in a certain hallway they both started feeling a heavy energy. One of the women felt as if she was being choked and couldn’t breathe. They decided they’d had enough and returned to the hotel lobby, shaken. Curious they asked a hotel employee if anything strange had ever happened in the room number they were next to when the sense of suffocation occurred. A young woman had hung herself in that room. Clearly the disturbance of her energy when she took her own life left her Spirit unresolved. Her ghost is still lingering in the place of her death waiting for a healing that will allow her soul to move on.
Similarly when I see a Spiritual entity in a person’s aura space often it is stuck and ready to move on. It has an agreement with the person created in the past that is no longer serving either. We create agreements with Spirits (some angels of light or darkness, some disincarnate human souls) when we need help with a life experience that we feel we can’t manage ourselves. They help us stay safe in certain circumstances but when we outgrow the circumstances they may stay stuck in our space, required to keep the agreement.
Another way we may be associated with a Being is through our family. Our ancestors create agreements with Spirits that get passed down through the generations to their descendants. These Spirits can be in our energy field subtly influencing what we attract into our lives or are attracted to, without us being aware of it.
There are also Spirits that get into our aura space without personal or familial invitation. We take them on as part of our healing agreement with another person, to help them clear the Entity. Or we participate in an activity that opens our energy field to them. These Spirits are looking for energy or healing, and enter our aura because we are open to it.
Spirits are everywhere. We don’t need to fear them because we are in a position of power. We always have the authority and choice to end agreements with Spirits and command that they leave our space. One way to do this is to visualize a gold cord attaching them to God/the Supreme Being so they can move on/out of our energy field and take their next step as a Spirit. By doing so we are setting both the Spirit and our spirit free.
We all want clarity, to feel solid about our decisions and choices. We want to know what is best for us. What path to take. We realize at a deep level that no other person can give us the answer. We may seek reflection and input from others, but we are doing so to hear ourselves speak our first thoughts, notice our response to this advice, to see if we agree or disagree and why.
We know there is information available to us that is immeasurable, essence level insight. Stuff we can’t explain even though we try to explain it. We wish we felt a more solid about to the intuitive guidance available to us. We want to know we are making choices that will lead to happiness.
Clearly interpreting our inner-guidance is not a skill taught in school or at home. Often when we have an intuitive aptitude for reading other’s energy it is a result of needing to develop this skill for our own safety or survival. It can be more difficult to see our own truth when our intuitive skills were cultivated from a point of trauma or lack. To develop clarity we need to remove obstacles to our vision.
There are as many layers of experience influencing us as there are years in our life, some would say more. When we begin to focus attention on listening to our inner-guidance, it’s like learning to walk all over again. Our legs are a little wobbly, we let the momentum of gravity move us forward and toss a leg out to balance ourselves, then another. Only learning to trust its support and gain confidence in our body as we maintain our balance with each forward step.
To develop the skill of trusting our intuitive guidance, a daily meditation practice is essential. This doesn’t need to be an hour with your eyes rolled back into your head and an empty mind. The type of meditation I refer to is tuning into your energy body for 5 or 15 minutes. I do so every day while walking my dog. It’s that simple. Focus awareness on the following elements:
- Grounding Cord – that which connects us to the foundation of the earth, our root extending from the tip of our spine to the center of the earth
- Cosmic Energy –energy from the spirit realm, flowing down into us from the crown of our head
- Earth Energy – energy from the earth, it runs up through our legs to join with the cosmic energy
- Aura Bubble – our personal space as defined by an energy field that surrounds our physical body
- Center of Head – the space between your ears and behind your eyes where you “see” rather than “feel” intuitively
Tuning into these energy tools and claiming them for ourselves, will dissipate the fog of doubt and help us clean out external influences. Meditation is an essential form of spiritual housekeeping that allows us to see clearly. From the
space of greater clarity we can even identify when we need external perspective to get beyond our own blocks. Meditation prepares us for deep listening, the kind that helps us break through the mistof uncertainty so we can align action with our vision to create the life we want.
“You should know how I feel.”
The closer we are to a person the more we assume they will interpret and respond to our needs and desires without verbal communication. It’s tempting to try to intuitively read other’s needs to reduce conflict in relationships but in doing so we enter hazardous territory.
Our first point of reference in any situation is how we would feel or experience it. That is the root of why people expect others to know how they feel. Those of us who are naturally intuitive first experienced reading others feelings and needs empathically (second chakra). When we empathically read there’s a tendency to match the emotion which alters our clarity.
As we evolve our intuitive skills to a point of better boundaries, we move out of feeling a person and matching the energy, into a space of seeing (sixth chakra). When seeing rather than feeling we are in a stronger position to provide support, if it is welcomed by the person in need.
Another hazard of reading someone’s needs and responding, rather than asking for direct communication, is identifying the source of truth we are seeing. Each human has four need centers:
- body
- mind (conscious or subconscious)
- emotion/heart
- soul/spirit
These aspects of Self are not always in agreement. Our need centers perceive their yes/no with different priorities and filters. The body may determine rest is the top priority while the mind and emotions override it with an agenda that they perceive is more important to complete before rest is allowed. When we try to gauge this priority for someone else and respond to what we see, we come across as controlling rather than supporting what they know to be true for themselves.
In addition, when we read others without their permission, even if it is from a place of wanting to help, we are intruding on their psychic space. That intrusion whether consciously noticed or not, creates discomfort for the person we are reading. They feel outside energy in their space and find it harder to get clear on their own needs. They push back actively or passively to try to regain a sense of stability for themselves.
People we care about may insinuate they want us to read their minds or know what they need without us asking them, but when we do there are many potential land mines to navigate. Our best course of action is to communicate more than necessary when we sense someone needs something from us before we act. And stay focused on keeping a clear awareness of our own needs so we can communicate them to those who support us.
Have you ever wondered why some relationships end with a sense of being unsettled even when it is clear that the reasons for being together, the attraction or the love have faded away? We all have soul level contracts with many people. They consist of agreements made through conscious commitments to each other and unresolved experiences we have shared that build a backlog of karma.
Relationships that include experiences of pain or commitments unfulfilled leave us with a sense of incompletion. You know it’s over but it’s not really over, it’s just over for this lifetime. It’s the same for relationships that start but stop before the past karma has been resolved.
On a spirit level, karma is our energetic bank account, a reserve of resources we’ve built up from experiences as a soul. This energy carries forward into our new encounters. Karma is also a backlog of unresolved energy we have the opportunity to heal or release. As we wander this lifetime we are presented with opportunities every day to create more karma through our interactions.
When we have karma with someone, it means we have a history as soul’s together, experiences both positive and negative. We may have been married in the past, friends or opponents in war. We may have betrayed another soul, saved their life or had incomplete access to information about our experiences together, which left us unresolved as we exited that lifetime.
We are attracted to relationships where we have karma we need to complete. There’s something for us to do together and we feel it in a magnetic way. There’s a commitment to keep, a debt to fulfill, amends to make or we simply had such a great time with this soul in a previous life that we want to celebrate the reunion and have some more fun.
If we are in a relationship that releases that unresolved backlog through new experiences together, eventually we’ll get to a point where we feel there’s not as much drawing us to the person. We feel less attracted. The zing of excitement that the unresolved karma generated may leave the relationship feeling lackluster, in a slump, even boring. Often when the intense karma is complete in an intimate relationship one or both people feel it’s lost something and they want to end the agreement.
When we find ourselves at this juncture in a relationship, we need to create a new purpose for being together, such as agreeing to build joyful experiences together. With two willing and committed souls, making it past this threshold of awareness can take our relationship fulfillment to new heights.
If we want to release karma with another and they are not a willing participant in the healing process we can start by calling on our spiritual resources. At the basic level it requires taking responsibility for our contribution to the karma that has been created, whether it was through allowing ourselves to be the victim or inflicting some harm on another.
Using clairvoyance and soul healing tools in my work, I help clients look at the unresolved- energetically charged experiences in their relationships. In this process we release the charge on past experiences, bring the relationship agreement into the present desired state and communicate with the Akashic Record keeper to update the soul records with this new information. The soul agreement healing allows us to move forward without that sense of incompletion even when the other person is not interested in participating in resolution.
The word control has a bad rap. It’s associated with being anal, uptight, rigid, difficult and domineering. There are ways that control supports our health and others that block us from having joy. The two primary faces of control that we look at as we cultivate our intuitive awareness are:
1) Control that sets a clear boundary for our energetic space
2) Control of others, an intrusion into their energetic space
This first type of control helps us maintain “seniority” or “authority” over our energetic space. In activating this type of control we claim our true power to be the one calling the shots regarding our soul’s experience in this body. When we don’t exercise seniority in our psychic space (sixth chakra, center of head), other people’s energy and the energy of spiritual entities (beings without a body) can get in our aura and alter our emotions and perspective.
The presence of another’s energy in our psychic space, alters our clarity and drains our power. One indicator that someone’s energy is in your space, versus your own thoughts seeking them out, is a thought of them that pops into your mind while you are doing another focused activity. For example your mind is engaged in a project or conversation, thinking a specific line of thought then – bink – out of nowhere their name or a thought of them interrupts your thoughts.
It does no harm to move their energy out of your psychic space and give yourself room. This can be done using the simple visualization of their energy moving out of the center of your head into a bubble and sending that bubble of their energy back to them.
The second type of control has earned its bad rap, yet it is generated from our human nature, so no one is immune. From the earliest age we develop abilities to control and manipulate others to get our needs met. It’s a survival skill and comes from a place of innocence. As we grow-up, especially if our basic needs are not met, these skills may evolve into unhealthy controlling behaviors that intrude in other people’s energetic space. Often they show up in the guise of trying to help someone, provide advice or fix something we perceive is broken in them. Whenever the attempt to heal or help is engaged without the permission and consent of the person you have energy on, it becomes controlling and has negative results.
Most controlling behavior is subconscious. The controller perceives they are doing something positive to help the person they are trying to control. But it doesn’t feel that way to the person being controlled. Even if it sounds good, it still feels sticky-icky when help comes from a place of control. And the deeper motivation behind it is always to make the person controlling feel better. The out-of-control healer (OUCH) intrudes into our psychic space. This disrupts our clarity and undermines our personal power.
As an exercise in consciousness we can use our intuition to notice when we are pushing an agenda, not staying neutral to someone’s choices or pain. This usually results in wanting to fix their problem or take away their suffering. These are the points where we are most likely to invade their space with unwanted help, trying to make ourselves feel more comfortable by controlling our perception of their pain.
To develop our intuitive awareness we need to heal our use of control energy. This happens when we exercise seniority over our space and become conscious of our controlling behavior, shifting into a place of neutrality around another’s choices and experiences. Then we can truly help them in ways that honor their own spiritual seniority.
A Dark Night of the Soul is a period of time or season that many of us on the spiritual journey find ourselves in once or more in our life. The Dark Night comes unexpectedly through some change or experience that causes us to question all that we’ve known to be true. It is a time where we find ourselves feeling disillusioned with a temporary loss of faith. What we trusted appears in a new light to have been temporary and incomplete. The foundation we’d built our perception of the world on shifted and in that shift we found ourselves unsettled. What felt meaningful feels meaningless, what seemed solid looks unreliable, what we thought we knew to be true comes into question.
Walking through a Dark Night of the Soul period requires intense resilience. It pushes our edge, uses every ounce of our psychological capacity for survival. The Dark Night can be triggered by things like divorce, loss of a job, loss of a role or identity we’ve identified with or physical illness. Where it takes us is a profound void that may feel like depression, hollowness, hopelessness, emptiness and doubt.
How do we endure this mental and spiritual struggle? What gets us through the void and back to a point of inner-peace? I’ve found that, an essential aspect of the healing and growth the Dark Night has to offer comes through the following conscious choices:
- Acknowledging that the cycle of living in the unknown has purpose.
- Calling on our inner-guidance with much more frequency and consistency.
- Moving our body to allow the cycle to stay in motion on the physical level.
- Seeking support through the council of spiritual mentors who have walked the path before.
These paths of self-care give us strength and help us see that we will make our way to a season of light again.
The Dark Night may feel like a stuck place in our external life or a place where everything is in chaos. However stagnant it feels or looks in the physical form it is an active season for the soul. The soul is in chrysalis. It has gone within and on certain levels may require us to go unconscious about some of the work underway. Transformation, upgrading our soul to integrate all the bits-and-pieces we’ve been encountering in our self-awareness and growth at the deepest level.
Some of these levels of processing are beyond what we can or are ready to consciously “see” as they transform. We have to be patient and trust the inner activity. We have to ask our mind, as it seeks to fix what appears to be broken, the mind that wants a solution, wants answers, to be patient while the Dark Night chrysalis is evolving us from the caterpillar to the butterfly.
The void has us fear a loss of Self. It has us feel alone and as if we may have lost all of the ground we had gained through our conscious growth and commitment to self-awareness and health. In reality there is no loss, at the other side of this deeply challenging soul searching cycle we find ourselves renewed, more mature, with an inner radiance that transcends our prior light.
The Dark Night is a soul crisis. It pushes us to the full extent of what we feel our soul is capable of handling. It may temporarily break our spirit but the Great Spirit/God never gives us more than we can handle. The discovery of our inner strength, the renewal and appreciation for what generates inner-peace for us, makes the journey through the void, the rebirthing of our higher Self, well worth the battles we face when staring at the unknown.
