Archives For relationship

Connection is essential to feeling loved. We chase away loneliness when we choose to reach out to connect with people in the simplest of ways, eye contact, a smile, touch or an honest share of our feelings.  Connections make life meaningful; contribute to our sense of belonging and feeling seen.

In December I was reflecting on past holidays as I decided what I wanted to create for my own experience.  On one side of my family, I looked forward to being together because there was connection. We connected through conversation, music, crafts, games and sharing a meal.  On the other side of my family, holidays weren’t negative but gathering together was sort of mundane.  Family members didn’t know how to connect.  It didn’t seem anyone looked forward to spending time together.  People went through the motions of preparing a meal and opening gifts because that’s all they knew. It felt lonely even within a group of people I loved.

Love and connection is a two-way street.  It requires two participants to be willing, interested and open to revealing themself.  It can be vulnerable and not always comfortable to connect.  Reaching out to connect can be misinterpreted because people have different points of reference. We may be distrusted, seen as intrusive or manipulative based on the recipient’s experiences/projections or if our energy comes from a place of neediness. More powerful than our resistance to trust connecting with others is the essential need we all have to be seen and accepted for who we truly are, to be loved and validated for our essence without contingencies.

Connection in current culture requires some effort and intention.  Our worlds aren’t designed to be inter-dependent, rather independent.  We are taught to be self-reliant and not ask too much from others.  We are taught distrust of strangers.  A sense of community has to be sought out and is no longer organically part of our cultural experience.

There is so much constantly happening around us that we often either let the vibration of our environment direct our feelings or find ways to check-out to tolerate it.  The habit of maintaining a certain degree of distance in operating in the world, to keep our energetic sanity, also deprives us of the vitality offered through connections.  Connections can only be fulfilling and sustainable if they come with healthy energetic boundaries.

Connection can be as simple as looking someone in the eye and smiling as we pass them by. Acknowledging them, seeing them rather than leaving them in the periphery of our experience. No matter what I am doing, if I feel connected, whether it is to a person, an animal, nature or God, I experience life as very rich and fulfilling.

When I notice myself feeling lonely or wondering about life’s meaning, I ask myself, how can I connect in a way that brings me into greater alignment with myself?  What can I offer in the connection so it is balanced and mutually beneficial? When I reach out to connect, my energy always shifts in a positive way.  My spirit drops deeper into my body. I relax, feel more peaceful and purposeful.

The process of self-discovery is not a linear path. We become aware of an essential truth, something we are capable of, something we desire to hold in a prominent focus as we move forward in life and then somehow, often without even realizing it we get side tracked, thrown off course.

These meanderings in our process of living, feeling we’ve lost our Self for a while, aren’t for lack of setting intentions, making a commitment or willingness.  The experiences always show up for a purpose. They are additional opportunities to get clear and hone-in on the pure vision of what we are creating with our lives. They may show us what we don’t want or they may show us more specifically what we do want. They definitly show us the areas where we are ready to grow.

Sometimes what we know we want is put on the back burner due to circumstances that feel out of our control, economic, family or other responsibilities.  Other times it’s in response to a relationship or a group of people in our lives.

As an intuitive person the energies around us influence our feelings.  What we manifest is rooted in our emotions toward something.  So feelings are a critical factor in our creations. A partner or a social circle can work to awaken us in beautiful ways but can also pull us off track with their emotions or differing priorities.

When we feel another’s energy and respond to it, we are to varying degrees matching their vibration. I call this mirroring. Empathic intuition is one form of this. We sense the emotional energy and match it from the second chakra.

Without the conscious awareness of holding our own energy space we can get lost in mirroring through our empathy and not stay rooted in our Self.  We make a better witness, and offer a sense of strength and grounding to others, when we have a clear awareness of what are our feelings versus the feelings of another.  It is through mirroring or taking on the energy of our environment that we get thrown off course… if there really is such a thing… we are side tracked with an opportunity for new awareness.

To hold our course, the vision we want to create in our lives, we need to learn how to be present for others in a deeply feeling way while holding our presence for ourselves. We strengthen this ability by regularly meditating to refresh our sense of being grounded (first chakra), clear our energy field of energy that is not our own (sixth chakra) and call our energy back to fill us up.

There’s no need to be self-critical about the cycles of losing and finding our Self over and over again. Honestly, this process is what we are here for, to remember who we are at the very essence, heal, grow and to have experiences that help us see our truth more and more clearly each day.

I was reminded of the power of vulnerability at my book group this month. One woman shared a perceived failure, a self-judged imperfection and we all relaxed more deeply into our Self. The energy of the room opened up and became more connected. We each saw ourselves reflected, in the quiet moments where we are alone with our inner voice. We reached out to comfort the Self we saw in her. We held her with more compassion than we might hold ourselves.

We spend an immense amount of unconscious energy holding up the identity that we feel safe letting others see. The curious thing is that when we share our challenges, the less than shiny aspects of ourselves in healthy relationships, instead of activating the judgment of others, it invites them to love us more. They receive a signal that their own rough edges will be loved too. Suddenly there is new found safety in being a full-spectrum human being.

We all have experiences we count as failures, imperfections, things that don’t turn out the way we’d hoped, relationships, situations that got messy and we mired around in the muck. We weren’t our best. We should have known better, is what we tell ourselves. And we have periods of crisis that feel like about as much as one soul can handle, whether it’s external circumstances or an internal battle that stresses our life to the max.

Yet we still have to show up in our life. We can’t permanently take a vacation from everything and everyone to avoid being seen in the midst of it. The rough spots in the road of life evoke a deep sense of vulnerability. How much do we have to prop-up the Self that is doing “just fine,” or “great,” to the world while struggling in private?

It’s in the poop, the dirty, imperfect parts of our life that we learn the most. It busts us open and helps us grow. The discomfort stretches us. But unless we are a chronic complainer that drains the energy of everyone around with our misery, we generally hide these challenges from most of the world or save them for our closest loved ones. There is a reason for this. Our closest loved ones have established a known level of safety. We can live a richer life by allowing deeper vulnerability with more people in our lives. It literally shifts the energy of every future moment.

Our intuition helps us tune-in to supportive places and relationships in our lives to reveal our challenge. Simply giving a short but honest answer to the stranger who asks, “How are you?” allows them to admit their own full spectrum of emotion to themselves and have a better day with the relief of it… “It’s been a rough day but I’m hanging in.” This isn’t about dumping your shit on others, rather allowing the truth of you to be seen by another in a way that allows you both to relax into the present moment rather than faking it. This is how the poop gets beautiful. It’s the real, the true and the authentic Self revealed. The most beautiful state of existence.

Sex, Love & Soul Contracts

Natalie —  February 15, 2012 — 3 Comments

Soul contracts or relationship agreements have a heavy influence on our experience of attraction and attachment. When we have a relationship agreement or soul contract with someone we find ourselves drawn to them and may not understand why. We just know that something strong is pulling us to connect.

Attraction is a combination of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. The enduring connections combine all aspects aligned for both parties. When one party experiences a significantly stronger attraction than the other and the relationship doesn’t take root or roots itself in shallow soil.

Sexual connections with someone we have a soul contract with can be expansive, crack us open and leave us wanting more. The momentary energetic oneness stirs up all that our souls have known together. It can be both ecstatic and excruciating. Beyond the primal physical and psychological aspects of our mating game, what is it that hooks us in? Why might one person think its love and the other not?

When we have a soul contract with someone, a promise we’ve made in this life or a past lifetime, both parties don’t always see the agreement the same context. It may be there is a debt owed from incomplete karma. Or our promise was to show-up to remind the other person of something they asked us to remind them of, even if it doesn’t feel so loving when we deliver the message.

Our messenger may arrive when we aren’t in a good place to receive the message or they may not relay the message in a form we comprehend. We may react, stir the pot with awareness that isn’t fully informed, and create more karma with each other rather than healing or competing past unresolved energies.

We may feel like we’ve known the person forever although we just met. We might feel an irrational sense of attraction when we have nothing in common; or an unexplainable sense of attachment after a short encounter. These are not just psychological or physical responses. There is a layer of spiritual activity a play.

When both parties are present to the possibility of the soul contract, healing and growth is heightened. A powerful aspect of self-responsibility comes when we own our ability to update our relationship agreements rather than be at the whim of whatever comes.

If you have a soul contract you are ready to update to present time you can do this by going into your mediation space and visualizing the relationship agreement with the particular person, the contract:

  • See the details or general aspects of the agreement and choose what parts you would like to keep which parts you are ready to release.
  • Imagine the parts that are outdated being crossed off the contract.
  • Send the request through your intention to the soul of the other person.
  • Sign the new contract with your mark, to make it real.
  • Put it in an imaginary bubble and ask the Supreme Being to bless it.
  • Ask your Akashic record keeper to record a copy of the new agreement and to give a copy to the other person’s record keeper.

If the relationship is very deep and influential you may need outside help from a professional clairvoyant healer to see clearly the aspects of the relationship that need to be adjusted. Romantic relationships, love and sex are powerful influencers in the human experience. Honor that power with your positive intentions and give yourself grace for the healing process.

My grandma doesn’t hear very well even with hearing aids, but if she’s tuned-in she knows what’s going on even from the other room.  This is especially true if you don’t want her to hear what you are saying! I noticed in a recent visit with her that I’d be thinking of something and she’d come in from the other room and answer my question or suggest we get milk at the grocery store, something I was about to mention.  Yet there are certain people in her life, her children in particular, that she has a harder time hearing than the rest of us.

Her physical sense of hearing doesn’t get temporarily worse and she’s demonstrated that where her hearing falls short she can make up for it with her intuition. But like many of us who are challenged by certain relationships in our lives, the unresolved energy between her and her children causes her to resist what they have to say. She can’t hear it and it has nothing to do with the volume, her ability or her intuition.  She’s blocked.

We figure out how to navigate our home environment using all six senses, first learning to intuitively read our parents before we understand verbal communication.  As adults, when we ask family members to engage in new levels of communication sometimes they just don’t get it and seem to sort of glaze over.  This happens in marriage and long-term friendships too.

We try to communicate in many different ways and find that it’s not getting through. Our friend or family member can’t hear us.  All approaches to expression fail to get the point across.  We might as well be speaking a different language given the lack of understanding or recognition.  And we wonder if our intuition is misleading us that something is amiss because our loved one doesn’t validate our experience with acknowledgment.  It’s frustrating.

What we are experiencing is a threshold of capacity in the person.  While it may seem that it is their choice not to hear us, it is more likely a spiritual or emotional block so deep that they can’t consciously make the choice.  We are trying to accomplish the impossible.  The only way to get past this block is for the person to have some form of healing breakthrough that opens them up to hearing. It can’t be forced and it will only happen if they seek out the shift for themselves.

When we’ve reached a point where it’s clear that nothing we say will get through.  Our best path is to turn our attention inward and begin clearing out the blocks in our own energy field.  In mediation, we visualize energy moving out of physical body such as rejection, resistance, judgment, frustration and any sense that we won’t be ok unless this person hears us. The energy can move into a rose or bubble then that object, as seen in our minds-eye is sent to a distant place to dissolve.

After we’ve cleaned out our aura body we feel lighter.  To complete the empowerment process we can visualize filling our space in with the sensations of having our needs met in relationship, of being heard, understood and accepted.  Then in the physical world, find a place where we can communicate our experience and be heard, acknowledged, even if that is in the privacy of our own journal.  We focus on building relationships where we are heard.

How We Express Our Intuition

Natalie —  November 22, 2011 — 2 Comments

My brother playing music with some friends

It is human nature to want to express our experiences, to be heard, seen and understood.  Every form of art is connected to this desire to express.  Musicians, painters, actors, writers, movie makers are all giving voice to an aspect of their experience in a creative way, exploring their light or shadow with words, role play, stories, color and sound.  The act of expression in-and-of-itself provides a sense of relief and comfort.  Without an audience we can express and still feel energy has been moved through writing in a journal or singing alone in the car.  It allows us to find peace or at least a feeling of forward movement.

The throat chakra is where we carry the energy of communication and expression.  Our relationship with expression can be hindered and altered due to the responses we receive from others and how we interpret them.  Our sixth sense intuitive awareness may have led us to express things as children that were outside of the comfort zone of adults.  We noticed an unspoken truth that the adults around us didn’t want to acknowledge and spoke up.  The response ranged from invalidation (being told we’re wrong) to punishment.

Through the experience of others discomfort with our expression we learn to control it, shut it down or present it in terms easier for people to handle.  If we grow up only getting attention for negative behavior we may learn to use our expression to intentionally make people uncomfortable.  This can result in self-sabotage, conflict and attracts negative energy from others.

Artistic expression is where we are granted permission to show the full spectrum of human experience from beauty to pain, without being directly judged.  A song about heartbreak, a painting that draws out the beauty of our environment, a poem that mysteriously hints at secrets one wouldn’t speak out loud, we accept and applaud.  Yet if the artist takes their conversation out of the art form and to the dinner table of life we suddenly become uncomfortable with the raw truth.

To get beyond the socially acceptable framework of art as a forum to express our full-spectrum of intuitive awareness, we have to revisit old wounds and remove the rules that were programmed into our behavior before we were conscious of our free will.  This means noticing when our throat or belly gets tight as a signal from our higher Self that we are holding onto something that may need to be to expressed.

As we notice these beliefs and automatic responses in our body and behaviors that aren’t in alignment, we can have an internal conversation with the information.  Ask our self, “What do I want to do as an adult with this awareness in this situation?” It may be enough to acknowledge that we need to physically leave, or we may notice it’s necessary for us to directly address some unspoken aspect between us and another person.  The more neutral and non-judging we can be in expression of our experience, the more powerfully it lands.

The power of our intuitive awareness is not in the knowing but in how it impacts our life.  When we pay attention to our inner-signals and speak up with those who we trust our inner-guidance has purpose.  We’ve all said in retrospect, “I had a feeling that person wasn’t trust worthy” but if we had communicated our awareness to a third party we trusted for reflection, it may have protected us from some harm.  Expressing our awareness gives our consciousness a place to land and mull over the insight. Expression allows the flow of energy generated in a given situation to continue uninhibited without getting bottled up or stuck. It grounds our relationships in the present moment.

My desire for a spot close to the front of the airplane had me sit in a middle seat between two women on a fight home to Denver last week.  Expecting the usual, ignore the stranger next to you, behavior of business travel, I was surprised to immediately be in conversation with the woman sitting to my right.  I can’t even remember how the conversation started but it didn’t pause until we landed two hours later.  By then I had heard 72 years of stories, Naomi’s life in a nutshell, and more importantly witnessed her joyful perspective on life.

Her vibrant energy created a shift in me, revitalizing my sense of appreciation and possibility.  Inviting me to match the level of joy she lives in.  If I blur the lens of the words that passed between us, the pure vitality Naomi offered through her positive perspective was transformational.

Each of us radiates energy that is a combination of our natural essence, our beliefs and energies we’ve held onto that we’ve accumulated along the way.  Often we don’t notice our own energy, what we are presenting as a vibration to the world.  When our energy is clear of fearful beliefs more
of our natural essence shines and we attract energy that matches what we want in our lives. In order to experience the spark of inspiration that generates transformation we have to be available to human connection.

The most powerful insights can come from the perspectives of strangers. They have a fresh perspective, one we haven’t been exposed to before.  They don’t know our history and we are inclined to listen more closely to someone we just met.  Our awareness is heightened.

The type of connection I experienced with Naomi was wonderfully unexpected.  We can prepare ourselves to recognize these opportunities and be open to the transformational energy that is available through connection.  We prepare by taking time to align our vibration with our essence. Start in a meditative space:

  • Send a psychic “hello” to your essence, your soul, your authentic Self.  Allow your inner voice to ask if there are beliefs that are pulling you out of alignment with your essence?
  • Visualize those fears, disturbances and non-aligned energies moving out of your space into a bubble.  Watch the bubble float to a distant mountain top and pop, transforming the energy into a new form.  This makes more room for your own essence to expand.  You may want to repeat this with several different focus areas in your life. Where you are showing up with a certain identity, such as work, romantic relationship, friendship, health or creative practice.
  • Imagine a big golden ball of light hovering above your head.  In the center of that ball is a magnet calling your energy back to you from any places you have left it that you are ready to retrieve it from. Once the golden ball of light is full of your essence, in your minds-eye reach up and pop it.  See the energy of your essence flow down into you, filling in all the space that was opened when you moved out the non-aligned vibrations.

We naturally attract matching vibrations into our lives.  Sometimes we have the fortune of attracting a connection that wakes us up and elevates us to a new level of self-awareness.  I believe this happens when the person we encounter can see past our current state and notices our soul’s essence.   The practice of consciously setting our energy invites connections that are transformational.

Ghost buster at Zombie Crawl Denver 2011

All Hallows Eve is creeping in with curiosity and playful energy about ghosts, zombies, paranormal and the dead in various forms.  When people feel something tangible that they can’t see or touch it can be frightening and a thrill.  As a person who is regularly aware of the presence of Spirits, I find it curious how often we make ghost or Spirits out to be scary tormented messengers of darkness.   What we are reflecting with this perception is awareness that the Spirit is stuck, disturbed, unable to move on and find peace.

We all are Spirits with a physical body and when we die our Spirit continues to exist.  What we call a ghost is the Spirit of a person, as it existed in a particular lifetime.  Ghosts linger in a physical place often where the person once spent time while alive.  Their Spirit was unable to complete some aspect of their experience from that life and remains stuck, revisiting the trauma or unfinished commitment.

On the night of the Zombie Crawl in Denver a couple of clients of mine went to a stately old hotel for a cocktail and struck up a conversation with the bartender about rumors of the hotel being haunted.  They were given permission to wander the halls to see what they might find.  With their perception tuned to the paranormal, they were open to seeing what wanted to be seen.

Suddenly in a certain hallway they both started feeling a heavy energy.  One of the women felt as if she was being choked and couldn’t breathe. They decided they’d had enough and returned to the hotel lobby, shaken.  Curious they asked a hotel employee if anything strange had ever happened in the room number they were next to when the sense of suffocation occurred.  A young woman had hung herself in that room.  Clearly the disturbance of her energy when she took her own life left her Spirit unresolved.  Her ghost is still lingering in the place of her death waiting for a healing that will allow her soul to move on.

Similarly when I see a Spiritual entity in a person’s aura space often it is stuck and ready to move on.  It has an  agreement with the person created in the past that is no longer serving either.  We create agreements with Spirits (some angels of light or darkness, some disincarnate human souls) when we need help with a life experience that we feel we can’t manage ourselves.  They help us stay safe in certain circumstances but when we outgrow the circumstances they may stay stuck in our space, required to keep the agreement.

Another way we may be associated with a Being is through our family.  Our ancestors create agreements with Spirits that get passed down through the generations to their descendants.  These Spirits can be in our energy field subtly influencing what we attract into our lives or are attracted to, without us being aware of it.

There are also Spirits that get into our aura space without personal or familial invitation.  We take them on as part of our healing agreement with another person, to help them clear the Entity.  Or we participate in an activity that opens our energy field to them.  These Spirits are looking for energy or healing, and enter our aura because we are open to it.

Spirits are everywhere. We don’t need to fear them because we are in a position of power.  We always have the authority and choice to end agreements with Spirits and command that they leave our space.  One way to do this is to visualize a gold cord attaching them to God/the Supreme Being so they can move on/out of our energy field and take their next step as a Spirit. By doing so we are setting both the Spirit and our spirit free.

“You should know how I feel.”

The closer we are to a person the more we assume they will interpret and respond to our needs and desires without verbal communication.  It’s tempting to try to intuitively read other’s needs to reduce conflict in relationships but in doing so we enter hazardous territory.

Our first point of reference in any situation is how we would feel or experience it.  That is the root of why people expect others to know how they feel.  Those of us who are naturally intuitive first experienced reading others feelings and needs empathically (second chakra).  When we empathically read there’s a tendency to match the emotion which alters our clarity.

As we evolve our intuitive skills to a point of better boundaries, we move out of feeling a person and matching the energy, into a space of seeing (sixth chakra).  When seeing rather than feeling we are in a stronger position to provide support, if it is welcomed by the person in need.

Another hazard of reading someone’s needs and responding, rather than asking for direct communication, is identifying the source of truth we are seeing. Each human has four need centers:

  • body
  • mind (conscious or subconscious)
  • emotion/heart
  • soul/spirit

These aspects of Self are not always in agreement.  Our need centers perceive their yes/no with different priorities and filters.  The body may determine rest is the top priority while the mind and emotions override it with an agenda that they perceive is more important to complete before rest is allowed.  When we try to gauge this priority for someone else and respond to what we see, we come across as controlling rather than supporting what they know to be true for themselves.

In addition, when we read others without their permission, even if it is from a place of wanting to help, we are intruding on their psychic space.  That intrusion whether consciously noticed or not, creates discomfort for the person we are reading.  They feel outside energy in their space and find it harder to get clear on their own needs. They push back actively or passively to try to regain a sense of stability for themselves.

People we care about may insinuate they want us to read their minds or know what they need without us asking them, but when we do there are many potential land mines to navigate. Our best course of action is to communicate more than necessary when we sense someone needs something from us before we act.  And stay focused on keeping a clear awareness of our own needs so we can communicate them to those who support us.

Relationship Karma

Natalie —  August 24, 2011 — 4 Comments

Have you ever wondered why some relationships end with a sense of being unsettled even when it is clear that the reasons for being together, the attraction or the love have faded away?  We all have soul level contracts with many people.  They consist of agreements made through conscious commitments to each other and unresolved experiences we have shared that build a backlog of karma. 

Relationships that include experiences of pain or commitments unfulfilled leave us with a sense of incompletion.  You know it’s over but it’s not really over, it’s just over for this lifetime.  It’s the same for relationships that start but stop before the past karma has been resolved. 

On a spirit level, karma is our energetic bank account, a reserve of resources we’ve built up from experiences as a soul.  This energy carries forward into our new encounters.  Karma is also a backlog of unresolved energy we have the opportunity to heal or release.  As we wander this lifetime we are presented with opportunities every day to create more karma through our interactions.

When we have karma with someone, it means we have a history as soul’s together, experiences both positive and negative.  We may have been married in the past, friends or opponents in war.  We may have betrayed another soul, saved their life or had incomplete access to information about our experiences together, which left us unresolved as we exited that lifetime.

 We are attracted to relationships where we have karma we need to complete.  There’s something for us to do together and we feel it in a magnetic way.  There’s a commitment to keep, a debt to fulfill, amends to make or we simply had such a great time with this soul in a previous life that we want to celebrate the reunion and have some more fun.

If we are in a relationship that releases that unresolved backlog through new experiences together, eventually we’ll get to a point where we feel there’s not as much drawing us to the person.  We feel less attracted. The zing of excitement that the unresolved karma generated may leave the relationship feeling lackluster, in a slump, even boring. Often when the intense karma is complete in an intimate relationship one or both people feel it’s lost something and they want to end the agreement.  

When we find ourselves at this juncture in a relationship, we need to create a new purpose for being together, such as agreeing to build joyful experiences together.  With two willing and committed souls, making it past this threshold of awareness can take our relationship fulfillment to new heights. 

If we want to release karma with another and they are not a willing participant in the healing process we can start by calling on our spiritual resources.  At the basic level it requires taking responsibility for our contribution to the karma that has been created, whether it was through allowing ourselves to be the victim or inflicting some harm on another. 

Using clairvoyance and soul healing tools in my work, I help clients look at the unresolved- energetically charged experiences in their relationships.  In this process we release the charge on past experiences, bring the relationship agreement into the present desired state and communicate with the Akashic Record keeper to update the soul records with this new information.   The soul agreement healing allows us to move forward without that sense of incompletion even when the other person is not interested in participating in resolution.