Archives For relationship

Before you were born your soul vowed to fulfill your purpose for this lifetime. It included plans to seek certain experiences, gain new awareness and complete some karma. You made promises to other souls to reunite for fulfillment of your commitments.

You may have vowed that you would heal pain from a past-life conflict in this life so you have revisited it to resolve or release its power over you. You may have had a great love with a soul and vowed to continue it in another lifetime. Now you are here living! What your soul committed to before entering this body may not be what you want to do.

What if you are ready to change or let go of those vows? What if you want to make some new commitments? How do you do it without the old vow continuing to pull you back to the original plan? The old vows need to be released to make room for the new ones. When you approach your soul’s vows consciously, it shifts what you call-in to experience in your day-to-day and the big picture of your life.

The astrological energy leading up to the Solar Eclipse on August 21st 2017 is focused on ending, updating and creating new vows. That means it is a potent time to work with your vows while supported by the universe.

There are 3-steps to prepare to update soul vows. They also support your intuitive clarity:

  1. Clean Out Your Aura
  2. Align to Your Higher Self (soul essence)
  3. Fill-in with Intentional Energy

Once you have taken the 3 steps preparing for clarity, take time to write down or think through what vows you have made to in your relationships, your body, your home, your work, your economic experience, your sense of purpose. Then ask yourself, “Is this commitment in alignment with who I am now? Is this vow needing change or is it great as-is?” You may feel the response in your body, a softening or a tightening of the belly. Listen.

With that information, notice the vows that create a tightening in your body or that you know are not in-alignment with your present or desired soul experience. Scan for what is out of alignment, toss some options to your soul Self and see which bring a softening to your belly (3rd chakra).

Ask yourself, “Does this agreement feel balanced? Does this vow honor my higher self? What does it feel like if I give myself permission to let it go? To change it? Am I complete with this commitment?”

Where changes in vows are with another person, I recommend both intentional updating of your soul agreement and direct communication. (check out my blog post on updating soul agreements)

Where vows are shifting with your Self, there is both the spiritual aspect and the physical action. Spiritually you can call on your higher self to update these vows. I will go into depth on this in a short course starting in June (click here for course info).

Soul vows are a choice, conscious or unconscious. A commitment that you need to refresh/keep current regularly, even in the best of times, so they don’t become stale, outdated or even harmful. Take advantage of this magical time to support the reset of your vows leading up to the Solar Eclipse of August 21st 2017.

I like to say, the reason it’s important to include, “until death do we part,” in marital vows, is that you want the soul contract of marriage to end at the physical bodies death.  As much as you love each other, you may or may not choose to come back together in another lifetime.

Relationship soul agreements are commitments you make to another person that last beyond your body’s lifespan. Love, romance, sensual steamy desire for another and elation when you are with the beloved is one of the primary drivers in our soul experience.

Connection with the beloved, when at its climax, feels like your soul’s reason for being. We all want to feel in love, to be in love, to feel loved, to feel seen, to be cherished by our beloved, and desired. To feel alive in the presence of the other.

Then why is love so hard? Why do long-term relationships seem to be more about working stuff out, tolerance, and compromise, then being turned on? And why are short-term relationships often so fraught with misunderstanding?

I believe it is because, through the power of love, you are fulfilling your soul agreements.

Beyond the hormones, mental and emotional attraction to partnership, there is this deep river of your soul’s drive to resolve unresolved experiences, or complete incomplete agreements. Unresolved or incomplete experiences are created by both positive, ecstatic love connection, and not so positive, painful interactions.

You come back together in your relationship soul agreements to either recreate an amazing feeling you want to experience again, or to resolve the old karma of a painful or traumatic experience. Maybe both.

For example, you may feel strongly that you are meant to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same for you. You have an unresolved soul agreement with them. One they are choosing not to show up for in this lifetime. Or you may feel compelled to stay in an abusive relationship because of your past life together. Karma that keeps you feeling you have a debt to pay or aren’t free to leave.

Our souls create relationship agreements both consciously and unconsciously. Marriage is a conscious agreement. But what type of soul agreement is created through physical intimacy? While science has some interesting things to say about love, there is little acknowledgment given to the soul’s experience of sexual connection.

Both partners enter with their own beliefs and soul agreements to play out. Is the intimacy a new celebration of what’s possible or is it revisiting an old soul agreement? The impact of merging energy goes beyond the mind, emotions and body.

Seeking consciousness of your relationship soul agreements and directly communicating what they mean to you with your lover is the best way to create positive love connections. It is vulnerable but powerful. It helps you avoid going down a painfully familiar path and unconsciously recreating repeat experiences. Experiences that may create more of the pain they were trying to heal.

You have the power to update, change or end your relationship soul agreements. The more you release of the souls unresolved experiences with your beloved the more joy is possible in the present. You stop working out old karma and start enjoying the moment.

Here’s a free guided meditation I made to help you update your soul agreements: Download

The Shadow Side of Soul Agreements

Natalie —  December 13, 2016 — 1 Comment

Soul agreements are equally dark and light. The karma created between an abusive person and their victim. Two warriors fighting in a battle. A parent who did not want their child and the unwanted child. Lies, betrayal, control, neglect, inflicting pain on another, these happen every day and create karma in relationships.

Call it karmic debt or unresolved past experiences, the shadow side of soul agreements may have even more impact on your life than the light. Why? Because the wounds, incomplete business and unresolved experiences, leave a signature in your energy field that attract more of that energy until it is resolved or released from your soul records.

The shadow side of a soul agreement can be a simple as someone stealing your wallet. The thief creates an unresolved karmic debt, by taking what isn’t theirs. The injury to your sense of safety or power can mark your energy field in a way that calls-in other similar experiences. Like attracts like. Whether your energy is stolen or an object is stolen.

You may mentally and emotionally process the experience to heal, yet find that the unresolved trauma in your energy field continues to attract thieves or energy vampires. Both the karma with the thief and the soul memory need to be cleared, to reclaim your power.

In the realm of what your soul remembers but your mind does not, you carry layers of unresolved experiences. Here’s example of a shadow soul agreement that shows up as a daily challenge.

You work with a person who pretends to support your success but continuously undermines it behind your back. Through words that plant doubtful seeds with management, they poison your opportunities for advancement while smiling to your face and bringing you a birthday card. They have felt familiar to you from your first meeting and you experience conflicting sensations of love and hate toward them.

It maybe more than insecurity or competition that is at play. You have a soul agreement with this co-worker. What would you have “agreed” to in a prior life together that results in this behavior?

You may have agreed to show up to remind each other to own your power and this person is pushing you to own your power by challenging it. You may have had an unresolved conflict in a past life where you were competing for attention from parents or a lover, and they didn’t get the attention they needed, so they continue to compete with you. You may have undermined their power in a past life, so they are now retaliating to undermine your power.

You’ve participated in creating shadow soul agreements too. Whether intentional, unconscious, or accidental, these unresolved energies between souls outlast lifetimes, repeating the patterns in new experiences. You will recreate an experience in a different form until you learn the lesson it has for you.

Changing your habits, mental and emotional patterns are a big part creating new experiences. But releasing the energetic charge from the soul memory and updating your soul agreements set you free to complete the lesson.

Whether past life or present, shadow soul agreements are an opportunity to heal both the isolated incident and the layers of karma our soul carries with it in the present. You don’t have to keep repeating the lesson when you claim your power to release unresolved soul agreements.

When you fall in love a lot of what attracts you to your beloved are matching beliefs, wounds and behaviors. They feel familiar. Will you continue repeating generational and personal patterns, or choose to change them?

The terms of your soul agreement are established in the early stages of courting. Some may even be in place from past lives your souls shared. Over time these agreements evolve through changes in commitment, communication and behaviors.

Yet some aspects of your soul agreement are operating based on old beliefs, wounds or past life unresolved experiences that brought you together.

For example one partner comes to the relationship with a family belief that prosperity requires stress, effort and hard work to obtain and maintain. This survival level wound has him working long hours to provide a lifestyle that he doesn’t get to enjoy, while resentment builds for his wife who seems to get all the benefits and doesn’t seem to be working as hard.

His wife has a matching wound. It is a wound to her personal power. She believes she will be punished if she exerts her power to manifest prosperity. As a child she was repeatedly reprimanded by her mother for using her power to get what she wanted. So she has chosen a career that doesn’t allow her to express her power.

When she takes steps to heal that wound she decides to make a career change to feel more empowered. Her husband encourages her. Yet because he believes that it is hard to generate prosperity, he influences her to take a job that is hard for her. It doesn’t fit her nature and she continues to feel disempowered.

On the surface it looks like they are working together to support the change in their soul agreement around prosperity but unconsciously the old pattern is still playing out. Until their matching soul level wounds and beliefs are released, the pattern will keep rearing its head in different forms in their relationship. Keeping them stuck in the lack of true prosperity and creating tension.

As your relationship with your beloved grows, your beliefs and old wounds have an opportunity to shift. Your soul agreement needs to be updated along the way. You came together for a purpose. The connection needs a renewed purpose to thrive. When you ask to see, heal and shift outdated aspects of your soul agreement you create new purpose to thrive in love and partnership.


I offer couple’s soul agreement readings with both partners present. It takes an immense courage for two people to look directly at their relationship agreement. It is a very powerful soul freeing evolutionary step.

Being naked before another, merging bodies, vulnerable with desire, allows the soul to be seen in ways not available in other forms of relationship. A soul agreement with the beloved, the pleasure and intensity that it offers, is one of the strongest, if not THE most powerful desire of the body-soul experience.

Its power is in merging and vulnerability. It draws out all of your beauty as well as sneaks its way into your shadowy corners. It can be unfathomably supportive or painfully destructive.

Seeking or finding your soul mate, has a resonance of destiny. If you don’t feel seen or fully connected with your lover, you may not believe you are with your soul mate. Yet something unexplainable keeps you together. You can’t seem to break free even if this lover is not “the one.” You have yet to complete your soul agreement.

Does it feel like you “knew” each other before you met? Or are you just now finding each other for the first time this lifetime? What are you here to do together? Having a strong soul agreement can feel like you’ve found your soul mate, but have you?

Old soul agreements have many influences from one or more past life experiences. When you choose to come back together in the form of lovers /life partners, you have commitments to keep. It can be a simple as recreating the love you shared or as complex as paying a karmic debt. It always involves resolving incomplete past experiences together.

When you call in a new soul agreement for a lover /life partner, it can be an evolution of your soul. It can also be that you are ready for a different soul lesson and this lover is available to facilitate it.

Some connections end too soon, leaving a longing. The soul agreement not complete. Others last longer than you may think is needed. Once you’ve worked through your karma or kept your past life commitments to each other, the sense that there is something to do together may fade. A new agreement needs to be created for the relationship to thrive.

When a romantic partnership changes or ends, or if one or more partner is ready to change the form of the relationship, updating the soul agreement smooth’s the transition. Letting go is easier. Creating a new way is available.

A true soul mate is the beloved with whom you have a current soul agreement; one who is a kindred spirit, lover, friend and evolving with you as a soul.

Click Here to download a free guided Soul Agreement update audio file.

Soul Agreements with Family

Natalie —  December 2, 2015 — 2 Comments

You are born surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who are part of a web of souls coming together for a collective soul agreement. Your longest-term soul lessons come from family members, whether they are physically present or absent from your life. The way you receive or reject each other, nurture or neglect each other, control or empower each other, encourage or put-down each other.

Having a soul agreement with each of these key players in your life means:

  • you have information you are here to learn from each other
  • you may have promises to keep from your past soul encounters
  • or unresolved karma

It does not guarantee that you will keep these agreements. Nor that family will behave in a way that is loving, kind, helpful or growth oriented. Sometimes soul agreements involve retraction, contraction, obstacles, pain, loss, suffering or aloneness.

Family soul agreements are the juiciest kind as they get activated before your soul-body consciousness kicks in. The physical body’s early development is an incubation time for the soul. The soul in a new body has to surrender to an infant’s limitations and learn to eat, sleep, walk, talk, read, count and many other skills needed to survive.

In that early time when you are completely dependent on your care takers for survival, you are open to the imprint of your mother, father, siblings or others who take care of you. How they feel about themselves and how they feel about you forms your view of yourself. The lens you see the world through. Their beliefs and behaviors set unconscious programs in place that you may carry with you your entire life.

In the cauldron of their own soul lessons, your arrival into your family may have come with joy or fear.  The tone of your arrival is reflective of your soul agreements with your family. You may have a soul agreement to arrive under the sunny energy of true love. Or you may have an agreement to come in at a certain time, even if the timing isn’t convenient for them, it may even be stressful or unwanted.

Soul agreements with family contain a heavy portion of loyalty, sometimes beyond what is healthy.  Therefore, abandonment is exceptionally painful when it comes from family. The ripping away of the biologically programmed survival connection can forever haunt a person’s life.

If you’ve had difficult or abusive relationships with family members, it’s hard to image that your soul chose the agreement. Remember the future is not written. Each soul involved in a relationship has a choice and each day every soul chooses in every moment if they will listen to and live from their wounds and fears or seek healing and love.

So know that although you may have a soul agreement with difficult family members, it doesn’t mean you are required to continue to tolerate abuse. These souls may have an obligation to fulfill with you from a past life. They may have come in with the intention of healing and found the world around them cultivated more wounds, pain and fear.

If you are here to cultivate love and healing, which I suspect you are because you are reading this blog post, then you’re taking the opportunity to shift the trajectory of your soul agreements. You can alter these agreements through your spiritual intentions, through shifting what you are willing to experience with your family members.

You may love your family and also choose to complete your soul agreements with some of them at the end of this lifetime, or even before this lifetime ends. You also may set the intention to meet again in some future soul shape and journey in new ways. I offer guidance on how to do this in the post How to Change a Soul Agreement.

You have the power to heal, resolve or complete your family soul agreements even if the other person is not willing to participate in this shift. The simple truth in family soul agreements is that no matter which role you are playing in the family, parent, child or sibling, you are each other’s teachers.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you’ll know exactly what to do. Michelle Ventor

A soul agreement relationship can feel confusing when you don’t know if it is for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sometimes you get overly attached and the relationship ends. Other times you feel complete after the purpose of your work together is done.  Not all people arrive to a sense of completion at the same pace.

If your agreement is for a reason, your encounter is generally quick.  You get in a fender bender. The kindness that you and the other driver respond with provides an opportunity for both of you to heal your fears of a stranger’s anger.  Agreements for a reason may show up to complete a past life commitment or be a Divine hand to point you in a different direction than you were heading.

Agreements for a season last longer. They can involve helping someone through a challenging time, or showing up for each other in ways that push you to evolve. They’re more likely to leave lingering feelings of attachment when they end.

A “season” soul agreement came through my life fifteen years ago. I worked with Theresa, a woman who was single and pregnant at forty. The father was older than her, and chose not to be involved although they’d been engaged when she got pregnant. He didn’t want to become a father again at his age.  Her family was unavailable to support her.

One day at work she mentioned that she was going to start her Lamaze classes soon. I asked her, “Who is going with you?” She replied that she was going alone. I felt compelled to offer to go with her. She accepted my offer although we were only acquaintances. We attended birthing classes together and I was at the hospital when her daughter was born. We kept in touch for a year after the birth, but when I changed jobs we lost contact.

My soul agreement with Theresa and her daughter Hannah was simple; support them through this challenging time. Don’t let them go it alone. I felt compelled and can’t explain why, it was our soul agreement. A sure sign you have a soul agreement is when you feel compelled to do something beyond the level of your existing relationship.

I would love to know how they are doing, but our relationship agreement was completed in the season of Theresa’s pregnancy and first year of her daughter’s life. It faded with love, acceptance and appreciation on both sides.

You may feel sad or disappointed when a relationship fades after an intense journey shared together. Yet if you have completed your soul agreement it is natural that there is no draw to continue connecting.

In some cases, one person may be clear that the agreement is complete or they may decide not to complete their agreement in this lifetime. That can create residual karma and cause you pain. If you don’t feel at peace about the end of a relationship it is time to update your soul agreement. Alternately if you want to maintain a continued connection after the purpose of your coming together has been fulfilled, it helps to update your soul agreement with new intentions.

In next week’s blog I’ll provide a guideline for updating your soul agreements.

We are born into a soul agreement with our parents and other family members, we make friends, go to school, have relationships, manage our finances, we may marry, have children, work, move homes and be part of various social circles over time.  All of these experiences involve temporary or lasting soul agreements that are created with individuals or groups of people, places, inanimate objects and organizations.

As each of these agreements is created, it is created based on the needs and intentions of all parties at the time the agreement is initiated. Most relationship agreements are created with more unspoken and unconscious assumptions than openly acknowledged ones. Such as, “because we are married you will comfort me if I feel sad.” That may not be part of the agreement for both parties. Over time we experience changes in agreements such as moving to a new residence, the end of a relationship, a change of jobs or graduation from school.

Yet certain endings lingeringly haunt our thoughts. We know the relationship, job or phase of life is over but we don’t feel complete, the past is distracting and interfering with feeling at peace in the present.  This isn’t a rational experience of the mind, it doesn’t line up with the external information we know to be true. It is the soul agreement that is still operating based on a past commitment.

We may also find that we are living in an agreement we no longer want to be in as it stands. Such as, relating with a parent that still treats us like a child, a partnership that has become emotionally abusive or a job that drains our energy the moment we walk into the door.  We feel stuck and unable to change the experience, even though we’ve tried.

There is something deeper than our external circumstance that seems to be holding us in an agreement that is no longer serving us. It is the spiritual aspect of the agreement.  A soul agreement transcends our physical obligations and our mental figuring. It is our soul’s contract to show-up in a specific way. We have the power to change our soul’s agreements and open to new more aligned experiences.

For the next few months I will be writing on this topic to help you understanding how the unspoken aspects for your agreements affect your energy, inner-peace and ability to create new agreements for yourself. I will give you tools to change, end or update your soul agreements.

We’ll look at the following types of agreements:

  • Family (parent, sibling, child)
  • Love partnerships
  • Friendships
  • Home (Community, Living Space)
  • Groups/Organizations: Work, School, Social Circles
  • Money
  • Activities (Sports, Arts)
  • Animals (Pets and Spirit Totems)
  • Spiritual Entities (angels, guides, genetically inherited and those taken on from others)

To build a foundation for shifting our agreements, I will cover the difference between agreements with others and the agreements with our Self. In our soul agreements with others, I will touch on how one party to the agreement may hold the power position in the creation of the “terms of the agreement” and the impact of that imbalance of energy. I will also cover how to intentionally create new soul agreements.

Please comment and ask questions here and on Facebook to let me know what you’d like me to focus on.

Even the best of us can be fooled sometimes, believing what we are told by someone who is being dishonest. We lean toward accepting what someone says as the truth until it strays outside of believable or we have an experience with them where we discover a lie and become skeptical.

As we cultivate our intuitive awareness, we start to notice when we receive indicators that a person isn’t being forthcoming, a gut feeling. Our belly (third chakra) tightens when we sense dishonesty. Deception is one way people use to maintain power in a situation. That may simply be due to the person’s need to feel in-control, invulnerable or to keep us seeing them in a certain light.

Recognizing dishonesty becomes trickier when the person truly believes what they are saying or feels justified in their actions. For example, a person believes that something should be theirs and steals it but then doesn’t admit it is stolen when confronted. It’s harder to “read” their dishonesty as they are sold on their own entitlement.

Or someone you go on a date with tells you they are a snowboarder and mountain biker but hasn’t actually done either for many years.  They don’t see this as a lie because they see themselves as who they were ten years ago and believe it to be their identity.  When it emerges that they aren’t actively doing these things, they may still adamantly define themselves as that person who they were in the past, rather than being honest with themselves about who they are in the present.

Being lied to and not realizing it until we’ve felt the impact of the betrayal brings up a full gamut of emotions, shame at not recognizing it sooner, feeling foolish, self-doubt, anger, a loss of our innocence in trust for others, disappointment, grief, heartbreak and confusion.

When our intuition signals to us that we aren’t getting a straight story or the person’s actions aren’t lining up with their words, it activates our analyzer. The part of our mind that tries to make sense of the difference between what we intuit and what we are being told.

Our brain wants alignment between what we perceive and what we hear. Incongruity keeps it activated, trying to make sense of the nonsense.  In this way, doubting our intuition when we perceive dishonesty, consumes a lot of our energy. Or as my spiritual mentor says, “Secrets, lies and withholds are toxic.”

To get clear on the truth, we start by noticing our body’s response. Where do we feel tense? If the belly is clenched it is telling us something’s awry. Then we take a few deep breaths to get centered and ask our higher Self some questions, listening deeply for the answers:

  • Has this person lied to me or are they acting without integrity?
  • Do they believe what they are telling me is true?
  • What does this person need me to believe about them and why?
  • Is my own unrelated fear triggering doubt for this situation or person?

Ultimately our peace comes from acknowledging the incongruence within analytical and intuitive aspects of our mind and directly addressing the person whose actions we sense are not following their words.  Encountering dishonesty can be disheartening, feel like betrayal and drain our energy. The more we listen to our intuitive indicators and trust our Self to see the situation clearly by using more than the physical senses, the less energy we will lose in the dance between analyzer and intuitive mind.

It all comes back to trust. When I went through my divorce at age 27 one of the big lessons I learned was that intimate love isn’t sustainable without trust. If you don’t trust your partner to consider your needs when they make choices that impact you, it disrupts the flow of love.  Yet the root of trust is in our relationship with our Self.  Recently one of my teachers put it to me this way, “You have to trust yourself to face and work through whatever life presents.”

It is not about the trustworthiness of another so much as trusting ourselves to make a good choice and to handle whatever life brings. An unspoken pain we feel when someone we trust betrays us is Self-doubt. Why didn’t I see that coming?  We may experience love and trust most measurably in our response to others but we first have to trust our Self.  Trusting our Self is an expression of Self-love.

To cultivate awareness and understanding of our intuition we have to start with trust.  It takes trust to listen to the messages from our heart, soul and body, the gut feeling or sense of what is our correct path regardless of outside validation.  We often over-analyze our intuitive insights by stacking the information up next to what we consider as facts; the provable data.

That provable data comes from past experiences, information the world tells us is reliable, evidence bent on helping us feel safe and in control of the outcome.  This logic first approach is a natural survival response, assessing the potential outcome of a choice and our safety in the situation.  Yet it undermines our inner-guidance.

Most of us can reference times in our life where we discounted our intuitive voice and continued down a path that had a less than desirable outcome.  In retrospect we acknowledged that we knew that the path wasn’t in alignment with our truth but something stopped from listening to that voice. We let the facts create doubt, or made a comfortable choice rather than one that was a bit uncomfortable which would have offered us greater ease and less pain in the long run.

Another facet of learning to trust our Self is being able to decipher when we are projecting onto a situation our desired outcome, rather than seeing it clearly. I truly believe that we have aspects of destiny at play in our lives and to meet our soul’s mission we can either do so with ease and grace by listening to our inner-guidance or we can struggle through it resisting the less comfortable path.  We’ll still get there but the journey through the lessons of our soul’s mission is more tiresome and painful when we don’t trust or inner-guidance.

Learning to trust our Self is as simple as listening to our intuitive nudges. Most often our intuition speaks gently to us and we have to slow down and intentionally listen to hear it.  It is not a drill sergeant demanding we pay attention and act in accordance to its directive.  Rather our intuitive-guidance is a resource we can choose to open up to. A partner in the path of life whom we can cultivate trust with just as with any relationship, through experience.