Archives For mystery

I often get into conversations with parents of sensitive kids who don’t know how to help.  They were never given the tools to manage their own sensitivity or they don’t have the same sort of sensitivity. I was a sensitive kid.

Some people are simply born with more sensitivity to the energies around them. They have natural empathy, feeling what others feel. And frequently get drained, overstimulated or emotional in response to their surroundings.  They don’t yet know how to recognize when what they are feeling is not their feelings, or how to create healthy boundaries.  Sensitivity has two main roots:

  1. Nature
  2. Trauma

Trauma based sensitivity is a result of conditioning. Many highly sensitive people had childhood trauma. Their sense of safety required heightened alertness, “reading” people in order to minimize abuse or manage stress. A survival skill to navigate home life or societal traumas such as war.

I’ve recently identified a new branch on the trauma root that previous generations did not experience. Sensitive children conditioned by the stress of over stimulation. Constant stimulation has particularly deep impact on developing minds.

What we experience in childhood sets the baseline for normal throughout life.  Trauma that heightens sensitivity doesn’t have to be first hand.  Frequent exposure to unpredictable violence through the media can traumatize a child. Make them feel unsafe at school or other environments where a sense of safety was previously the norm. How a child learns to manage it shapes their life forever.

My parents were sensitive too. Like most of us they were taught or found ways to suppress their sensitivity when it got too uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways we suppress sensitivity:

  • Substances that alter our state of sensitivity, from coffee to alcohol or pharmaceuticals
  • Checking-out, habits that detach us from feeling, TV, internet, video games
  • Staying busy, not allowing enough time to process experiences
  • Eating for comfort
  • Using the mind to deny what one senses

Now that you understand a bit more about the roots of sensitivity and how it is typically suppressed, what can you do to help yourself or your sensitive child?

The first step is to shift from thinking sensitivity is bad. Sensitivity is heightened awareness. It is a skill. Even a gift when we get comfortable with it. Getting comfortable with it is the tricky part.

Second, you learn to notice when it’s happening and identify it as something you are experiencing in response to your environment rather than your own emotions or thoughts. To do this ask yourself or ask your child to ask themselves a few questions:

What do I feel? Is it “my” feeling? Is it something I feel around me? What or who around me is feeling like this?

This begins the process of getting clear on what you sense that is your energy and what isn’t your energy that you feel in your environment.

Once you know that something you feel is not yours, you are free to consciously give your Self space from it. You can do this by visualizing the emotion, thought or physical sensation moving into a rose or a pretty rock. Somewhere separate from your body. As you are practicing you might want to have a clean-out rock or crystal that you use for this and periodically soak it in water with Epsom salts to clear the energy.

Over time your awareness of the sources of your sensitivity becomes clearer and your ability to separate from the energy that isn’t yours is a habit. Then you will experience your sensitivity as a tool or a gift to help you navigate life.

The magic of sensitivity is revealed when you are not suppressing it, turning it off or denying it but can see it as valuable information. Then you are free to apply the understanding to your choices in a given situation.

NASA Photo of Eagle Nebula

NASA Photo of Eagle Nebula

Mystery is awesome.  It contains the seed of life!  The power of the unknown gifts us joyful surprise, anticipation and passion, if we allow it.  Most often we contract in the face of the unknown.  Our body tenses up for fear of being out of control, the uncertainties of no guaranteed outcome, the fear of disappointment.  But if we relax into trust, our very being is able to flow with the mystery and we heighten our capacity to receive, our experience of excitement, celebration and noticing life’s miracles.

Every moment we are in the process of creation.  We are creating our lives through our thoughts, actions and unconscious beliefs.  To create with the most power we must surrender to the mystery, let go of the specific form our creation is required to take in order to please us.  In our society outcomes are often forced to meet a specific agenda, scheduled, pre-selected in detail, like a travel itinerary. But when we allow room for the mystery, the outcome while unpredictable has more juice and life to it. Magic happens!

At the New Year most of us reflect on what we have accomplished in the past year and identify what we would like to experience in the coming year.  How do we come to a strong inner-knowing that our intentions, the visions of what we want to create in our life, are coming to us?

To clear the path for this level of trust, I find myself navigating a cacophony of thoughts and feelings.  Observing what is supporting or in the way of my freedom to receive.  Where I am judging others and myself?  Where I am giving away my power?  Where I am withholding from myself or choosing fantasy over the truth of what is? Where I am failing to see the vastness of options before me because my sight is focused on what I lack rather than what I have?  Where I am allowing the wants, needs and demands of others to override my wants, needs and self-care?

Where I am in avoidance of my feelings because noticing them doesn’t feel good?  Where do I choose to check-out rather than check-in with myself?  Where do I see not getting what my heart desires as some failure on my part?  Where am I at peace and where am I unsettled?  Where am I in resistance to things that are good for me?  Where do I fail to surrender because I want it my way?!? Where do I feel angry at another or judge them without acknowledging my anger at myself and self-judgment?  Where is it I crave escape and allow it to dominate my free time?

Where do I try and fail and try and succeed and keep pushing my edge to expand past the discomfort?  Where do I have courage without noticing it and fearlessly press into the vast unknown? Where do I take risks and feel empowered?  Where do I light a fire to transform energy, warm the hearth, or light the path?  Where do I see the non-physical universe and witness another soul’s journey?  Where do I connect with another?  Where do I wake up and realize I was never sleeping?  Where do I feel alive?

These questions are meant to shed away the layers between my expectations and the fruition of my desires. I trust that my visions will manifest in my life. Why?  I have seen it happen countless times.  I feel them coming.  I feel the joy and it feels as if they are already the truth of my experience even though they haven’t yet taken physical form.  I don’t know what form they will arrive in or when. That’s the mystery.  Yet I trust their arrival, as reliable as the seasons change.  The more I take actions to show the universe my intent, that I’m willing to receive with full surrender.  The more my experiences are better than I ever would have imagined.