Archives For life

Who taught you what boundaries were allowed or expected? It’s not a subject taught in kindergarten or elementary school. Boundaries are demonstrated socially. They are both subtle and exacting.

The greatest cause of suffering I see in sensitive people originated from a lack of clear boundaries.

Your parents may have told you “no,” punished, shamed or discouraged you from activities that made them feel uncomfortable, crossed their boundaries. They may have had no boundaries or a lot or rules about touch, words, privacy, food, allowed emotions, money, how to dress, nudity, topics of conversation, personal space, time, performance at school, in sports or work.

The rules you learned at home may not have worked at school or with your friends who had different boundaries.

You need healthy boundaries. When another person shows you their boundaries you know how to relate with them. They create a clear container for understanding your world.

When the adults around you growing up don’t have boundaries, don’t honor your boundaries or change the rules frequently, it creates a state of heightened alert. The good news is that you likely have stronger than average intuition. The bad news is you have it because you didn’t feel safe and had to intuitively read the world around you all the time, to navigate the shifting boundaries.

Intuitively tracking those around you all the time is exhausting and confusing. It’s exhausting because you don’t get to relax into a sense of safety. It’s confusing because often the energy or feelings you sense in those around you gets misinterpreted as your own experience. Keeping your psychic antenna open all the time blurs the boundaries.

For example, you work at an office and have a passive aggressive co-worker. You find yourself feeling angry a lot but can’t say why. When you leave work, the anger subsides. Because you are immersed in their energy with no boundaries it feels like your own anger. Reading the mood of those around you is a skill learned in order to camouflage and create a safe space in an environment with unpredictable boundaries.

As child in an environment of unclear or absent boundaries reading others to protect yourself and prevent harm is essential to survival. But to read someone this way is to get in their psychic space. Over time this survival skill creates suffering because you feel everything around you. So how do you learn to reset your psychic boundaries?

Resetting your boundaries so intuition can work for you rather then against you requires consciously owning your energy field on a regular basis. Practicing simple active meditation tools is what works for me. A series of visualizations that create healthy energy boundaries can be applied on a walk or in a conference room. In the simplest form, you notice your grounding cord, set your aura bubble, put up protection roses and call your energy back to yourself.

To feel more of you and less of those around you isn’t hard-hearted. You still have compassion and can even help others more when you aren’t matching their emotional state.

If you are interested in cultivating these skills Active Meditation training can be purchased HERE.

It was the hardest winter in the sixty-plus year history of our family ranch. Record rains, snow and freezing weather many times from December through early March. The extremely abnormal weather put a big stress on the pregnant mama cow’s right at the time they were ready to give birth.

We had several cows with newborns that needed a stay at “Hotel Corral” where they had shelter, extra hay and room service (high protein grass pellets) delivered in the morning by yours truly. We had four calves who lost their mothers from complications pre-or-post birth and a young first-calf heifer who we had to help give birth, pulling the calf as she pushed. Its head was too big and both could have died. Thankfully they are doing great now.

I helped bottle feed the calves, massage them, encourage them to walk and love them. Being in close relationship, I began to recognize the unique soul signature of each calf, cow or bull just like I see my dog and humans.

It was emotionally hard to witness them suffer, while doing all we could to help. It brought up a lot of questions for me. I’ve always felt good about the way our family raises cattle organically, the old-fashioned way. Lots of room to roam, graze and in winter hay cut from our own non-chemically treated fields.

Now I was asking myself uncomfortable questions. What is my relationship with eating meat? How did humans become so detached from the source of their food? And what is my soul agreement with each of the calves who I know are being raised to be someone’s dinner in a couple of years?

Hard realities for a cattle rancher’s daughter to look at after being away from it for 25 years. I bonded and had a soulful relationship with each of these calves. My soul agreement was to love them and care for them while learning the signs of health and illness. These vulnerable orphans taught me about bonding, showed me what their souls were interested in experiencing by being born as a cow or bull, and helped me surrender, what is out of my control, a little more.

I used my energy tools to give healing to each of the calves and their mamas. I became particularly attached to a calf I named Teardrop, whose mom died when he was four days old.  On his white face, he had a little black teardrop mark by his right eye (he’s pictured in this post).

It is a rare occurrence to have a bottle-fed-calf at our ranch. We aren’t set-up for it long-term. So Dad ran an ad on craigslist to find someone interested in bottle calves, typically it’s a 4H kid. I prayed that whoever would come for the bottle calves would give them a good home.

The next day a couple came out to take a look at Teardrop and decided to take his buddy too. They have a big cattle ranch in Montana (not a feed lot) with mother cows who had lost calves. They planned to match these calves up with new mamas, using the method my grandpa used long ago to get the mother cows to accept a calf that isn’t their own.

While I know, their ultimate fate hasn’t improved, this is the best possible scenario for the days they get to enjoy being a soul in a calf’s body. As I explore my soul agreements with animals and that responsibility, I am learning from my ranch experiences that even if my encounter is brief, I have an opportunity to honor each unique soul and offer love.

Meditation is a pathway to strong intuition and inner-peace. You don’t need to sit with your eyes closed to meditate. I’m an active person and need to move my body. Walking meditation is the way that I have been able to more consistently commit to meditation and insure I regularly set my energy to my truth. In this video I share with you the steps I take to clear out and reset my energy field with walking meditation.

What do you think you would feel if you knew your purpose? How would that change the way you engage in your life? Do you believe it would put your mind or heart at ease? Or give you a deep sense of fulfillment? What do you believe it would change in your life?

Many clairvoyant clients want to know, “What is my purpose?”

Imagine the sensation of knowing you are on the right path, of clearly explaining to others your purpose in words that they understand. Imagine getting up every morning knowing your purpose is the foundation of all that you do. This thought feels sooo good.

Your purpose may lead you to make a difference in the world, or achieve measurable success.  The problem with the concept of your life’s purpose is that it comes with expectation. By living your purpose you expect you won’t have struggles, challenges, or times when you have to wait until Spirit speaks.

The thing is your soul has an agenda when you are born. Some call it destiny. The soul’s agenda is focused on what it wants to learn, needs to fulfill from past commitments, or desires to experience in this lifetime. Your soul does not have the concept of finding a purpose.

Knowing your purpose is not the secret that will bring you peace. It is the other way around. Being at peace with your Self and your choices, allows purpose to reveal itself in your life.

Over Memorial Day weekend I spent time in Taos, New Mexico where I visited the Mable Dodge Luhan House and went to an exhibit of her life. She was a muse of such profound magnitude. Her passion for art and connection drew many artists from around the world to the beauty of New Mexico where they were inspired to create at levels they never had before.

When I was visiting her home, inspired by the courageous life she lived, I noticed how in retrospect you can see her life purpose. While she was alive it may have seemed that since she wasn’t a renowned artist herself, her role wasn’t that important. Yet she impacted the world of art and the preservation of Native American culture through creating connections and relationships in ways that changed history.

When I first discovered her house I was at a writing workshop, in the beginning of my spiritual awakening, freshly divorced and deep in the throes of healing my past. My eyes were focused on understanding what got me there and why. I was seeking my purpose. Writing had always been deeply fulfilling to me. I wondered if being a writer was my purpose.

Nearly two decades later I see my life purpose from a very different perspective. I don’t believe purpose is an external experience. I trust that by being at peace with my essence, feeling at peace regardless of the outside circumstances, I can be purposeful in whatever I choose to experience.

After I die people may say, “Natalie’s life purpose was to…” They determined my purpose based on one notable aspect of the impact my life made. The outsider doesn’t know everything my soul was busy learning or the complex purpose of this life for my soul.

At the moment, my soul wants to teach peace. Not at university, not in social uprising, not as a regimen. I want to teach peace as the path to soul freedom. Peace with the Self. Peace with living, aging, grieving, not knowing. Peace with success, fame, and failure, the shadow. Peace with the body, peace of mind, peace in loving, peace in letting go. Peace the soul can take with you when you die.

I’m not sure this can be taught but my prayer for you is to find peace and make from that whatever purpose you desire.

Soul Agreements with Family

Natalie —  December 2, 2015 — 2 Comments

You are born surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who are part of a web of souls coming together for a collective soul agreement. Your longest-term soul lessons come from family members, whether they are physically present or absent from your life. The way you receive or reject each other, nurture or neglect each other, control or empower each other, encourage or put-down each other.

Having a soul agreement with each of these key players in your life means:

  • you have information you are here to learn from each other
  • you may have promises to keep from your past soul encounters
  • or unresolved karma

It does not guarantee that you will keep these agreements. Nor that family will behave in a way that is loving, kind, helpful or growth oriented. Sometimes soul agreements involve retraction, contraction, obstacles, pain, loss, suffering or aloneness.

Family soul agreements are the juiciest kind as they get activated before your soul-body consciousness kicks in. The physical body’s early development is an incubation time for the soul. The soul in a new body has to surrender to an infant’s limitations and learn to eat, sleep, walk, talk, read, count and many other skills needed to survive.

In that early time when you are completely dependent on your care takers for survival, you are open to the imprint of your mother, father, siblings or others who take care of you. How they feel about themselves and how they feel about you forms your view of yourself. The lens you see the world through. Their beliefs and behaviors set unconscious programs in place that you may carry with you your entire life.

In the cauldron of their own soul lessons, your arrival into your family may have come with joy or fear.  The tone of your arrival is reflective of your soul agreements with your family. You may have a soul agreement to arrive under the sunny energy of true love. Or you may have an agreement to come in at a certain time, even if the timing isn’t convenient for them, it may even be stressful or unwanted.

Soul agreements with family contain a heavy portion of loyalty, sometimes beyond what is healthy.  Therefore, abandonment is exceptionally painful when it comes from family. The ripping away of the biologically programmed survival connection can forever haunt a person’s life.

If you’ve had difficult or abusive relationships with family members, it’s hard to image that your soul chose the agreement. Remember the future is not written. Each soul involved in a relationship has a choice and each day every soul chooses in every moment if they will listen to and live from their wounds and fears or seek healing and love.

So know that although you may have a soul agreement with difficult family members, it doesn’t mean you are required to continue to tolerate abuse. These souls may have an obligation to fulfill with you from a past life. They may have come in with the intention of healing and found the world around them cultivated more wounds, pain and fear.

If you are here to cultivate love and healing, which I suspect you are because you are reading this blog post, then you’re taking the opportunity to shift the trajectory of your soul agreements. You can alter these agreements through your spiritual intentions, through shifting what you are willing to experience with your family members.

You may love your family and also choose to complete your soul agreements with some of them at the end of this lifetime, or even before this lifetime ends. You also may set the intention to meet again in some future soul shape and journey in new ways. I offer guidance on how to do this in the post How to Change a Soul Agreement.

You have the power to heal, resolve or complete your family soul agreements even if the other person is not willing to participate in this shift. The simple truth in family soul agreements is that no matter which role you are playing in the family, parent, child or sibling, you are each other’s teachers.

Following Your Dreams

Natalie —  October 22, 2014 — 3 Comments

Temple Sunrise

Dreams point us in the direction of what we believe will bring us greater happiness and pleasure in life. Yet often we get stopped short by the enormity of getting from here to there.  Or we get distracted by easier things to do that we don’t value as much (procrastination) and forget to listen to our inner voice as it points us in the direction of that desire.

Occasionally we run headlong in the direction of our dream and the clues the universe delivers along our pathway are a blur. We don’t see them because we’re so focused on an outcome and miss a critical opportunity en route.  Our soul speaks to us always of what is true and right for us, but we have to allow space to listen. This inner guide gives us regular clues, invitations on the journey, to take short cuts or meandering long roads that expand our possibilities, connections, inspiration and foundation as we head toward a vision.

Experience is what living is about. Every meaningful experience is a gem that fills your treasure chest as a soul.  As you reflect on your collection of gems, they evoke emotional resonance. You may still feel surprise and excitement at the synchronicities that occur when you are present and listening. One of these gems may have been your first exposure to your dream.

Such as the time I affirmed a little girl’s insistence that she could see a dog in my truck with me shortly after my dog Luka had died.  Her parents kept telling her “no, there’s no doggie.” That day I was taking a step toward fulfilling a dream of helping others with their spiritual journey that led to the clairvoyance I now offer. This little girl who was able to “see” reminded me what is available when I look at life from a place of innocence and don’t listen to the voices negating my experience.

A more recent gem in my treasure chest of experience was created from the discomfort that pushed me and my friend to change plans, pack up and move camps three days into Burning Man, the first step that led to changing my trajectory for the entire experience.  My soul kept nudging me to embrace a deeper trust that all of my needs would be met without external reassurances. Listening, following what I felt called to do without knowing how many things would work out (food, a place to sleep and transportation back to Oregon). I was never in lack and found the less I concerned myself with survival the more community support and synchronistic connections showed up.

Gems are created from great pressure that creates beauty. We find them in river beds, in caves… the freshest brightest moments of our lives and the darkest most inward times.

Our soul’s assignment is not to achieve something big that will go down in history or arrive at the Summit of a peak. Fulfilling a dream is fantastic, but to have our eyes open on the way there, that is where the magic lies. To choose a path and choose again, a multitude of times as we walk along a path, noticing what feels right and what feels off. Each step in the direction of a dream realized is an opportunity to listen to our soul’s guidance, to the Divine that is us, as it leads us through experiences, energies and obstacles.

What do you desire?  I desire to feel adored, to feel blessed and to be surprised with luscious new experiences. I desire to feel respected, supported by the Universe and the people in all areas of my life. I desire to give and receive full heartedly.

I desire to step forward, showing up in my life aligned: heart, mind and actions. I desire to be in constant receptivity with the Divine energy source, empowered and able to share it with the world without feeling depleted.  Source is infinite. I desire to feel prosperous beyond compare (pinch me my life is magnificent). I desire to feel a bubbling over of that sense that, “I fucking love my life!!!!”

I desire to feel the pleasure of being touched, feel safe, respected and desired. I desire companionship for walking, dinner, live music, snowboarding, conversations, exploration, play, creative inspiration, home projects and spiritual expansiveness.  I desire to have enough quiet “Natalie time” to listen to my inner-voice deeply and fill my cup with consciousness.

I desire to feel without reservation, whether it be sadness or joy. I desire to be inspired and create beauty around me and within me. I desire to feel physically healthy, balanced, energized, nurtured and strong. I desire to feel emotionally stable, surrendered and allow what I feel to be expressed with ease and acceptance.

I invite you to allow yourself to know your desires, how they feel rather than attachment to the form they take. It is a true invitation for the Universe to amaze you with what shows up!

In times of intensity, self-care always seems to fall to the bottom of the list. A simple morning routine of journaling, walking and centering meditation gets overtaken with sleep to make up for the prior days late night. A series of long overly-full days in which everything that was expected of me didn’t get done.  The day starts off without inner-alignment and quickly progresses to the state of too much to do and too little time.

Without filling my physical and spiritual cup I have little to offer in the face of other’s needs.  As I neglect my own needs, saying yes when I should say no, expecting myself to do more than can be done in the time available, I begin to have negative thoughts, resentments of the things that normally bring me fulfillment.

In a moment of self-reflection, I decided to reclaim my commitment to self-care with my own version of Timothy Leary’s famous advice, “Turn on, tune in and drop out.”

  • Turn On my psychic tools to navigate the demanding energies.
  • Tune In to my intuitive guidance.
  • Drop Out by consciously detaching from expectations and demands that don’t serve me.

Even if I don’t have time for the morning routine that sets my energy for the day, I turn on my tools in the midst of my day to create healthy energetic boundaries with demands and put life’s various choices in a healthier balance. Prioritizing my own health and inner-peace, and making time for me.  This means that I notice when other people’s energy is in my space creating expectations that aren’t balanced and consciously see myself move their energy out of my vibrational field.  I also use my tools to mock-up or imagine support and the sense of ease in an experience.  Energetically I “own” my space, acknowledging that others also get to own their space too but not mine.

With my space cleared of energy that’s not mine, I tune in to my truth. Pay attention to what I believe and want. I direct my actions, thoughts and emotions toward creating the experience I want, rather than going along with the fears or designs of others.  Tuning in can help me see whether those I’m interacting with are being honest with me and themselves.  It gives me direction when I’m facing alternatives.  Allowing me to make choices that take me down a path that is aligned with my highest good.

Having used my energy tools to create space and hear my intuitive guidance, I become more neutral to the demands of others, thus I drop out of the prevailing fear that drives the collective of humanity to stress and over-extend, compromising health and inner-peace to survive.  I choose a different truth and find that when I do what I have committed to, in a balanced way, I enjoy it and even succeed in all of the aspects of living.

In every moment, while on a phone call, walking to my car from the store, pumping gas, sitting on a flight or making dinner I can access support simply by intending it.  In the blink of an eye my entire experience shifts when I turn on my psychic tools and see that there is energy in my space which is not mine. Demands, expectations, needs, and deadlines that I feel pressured by.   Some I may have to comply with, some I don’t. When I notice my choice, I give myself some space. I re-gather my energy, tune in to my inner-guidance and have greater access to knowing what I want and need.  It helps to visualize it, see the demand energy move out of my body into a bubble and float to a faraway place.

The final step of drop out is a point of empowerment through neutrality. Letting go of the stress that comes with needing to control the future or comply with others belief systems when they differ from my own. By detaching from the beliefs that allow the demand to control me or harness my energy and direct it toward an agenda, I reclaim my power to create the life I want.

Well it Matter in 50 Years?

Natalie —  September 11, 2013 — 2 Comments

At times in life I notice I’m not putting my priorities in the right order. The tyranny of the urgent, whether it’s someone else’s request or something I expect of myself, has me neglecting what I know in my heart is most important… my physical/mental/spiritual health, the people I love, life balance. Two weeks ago my priorities were put to the test. I had a business trip lined up, meetings, airfare, hotel, rental car and my dad was being hospitalized for a blood transfusion with a mystery illness that had been wearing him down for six weeks with fever, fatigue, then stomach pain and lots of weight loss.  I live in Colorado, he lives in Oregon. I intuitively knew his life was in danger when I had seen him last but he was too feverish to realize it, besides no one in Urgent Care had expressed much worry about his progressive deterioration.

That Monday morning I was struggling with what to do, Dad was playing down how serious it was when I spoke with him on the phone.  Should I keep my work commitments or go be with my Dad who I knew was fighting for his life, without a diagnosis?  In the state of emotional stress I realized I needed support to follow through with my desire to drop everything and drive to Oregon. I texted a friend and asked if he would drive with me. When he said yes, I felt a huge relief and started taking action to cancel my business trip that was meant for the next day. As soon as it was decided a big wave of peace washed over me. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring but I knew that my priorities were right and I would have no regrets.

In moments of crisis, decisions can feel overwhelming and doing what we need to do feel impossible.  It seemed all the tools I had for centering, self-reflection and getting clear weren’t within reach.  I called on those who know me best to be my anchor and remind me not to doubt my intuition.  To ignore my dad’s “don’t worry,” to set aside my clients “I need the demonstration this week,” and choose what would bring peace for my soul.  I had to press beyond my fear of letting others down, be it family or business associates, and lean on the strength of friends.

At my technology job it was one of the worst possible times for me to need to redirect my energy to family. I reflected on the sage advice from my manager Bill at my first job after college, “Is it going to matter in 50 years? If not, don’t stress about it.”  In 50 years it would matter if I was there for my dad and it wouldn’t matter if I postponed my business trip.

When the time came to let work know my circumstances, I received 100% support from colleagues, clients and management.  I felt the grace of their understanding and acknowledgement that we are all human with needs that come before work.

After being quarantined and run through many tests, they discovered my dad had a parasite, one that kills 100,000 people a year and almost killed him, but is curable! What a relief that it was discovered in time.  And while he’s recovering, I’ve been able to be here at the family Ranch for more time than I thought would be possible for me this year; a blessing in disguise.  This is in a profoundly nurturing place for my soul.  I’ve also had time to spend with my mom and brother who are both facing different mystery health challenges, and witnessed many surprising layers of family healing.

I was reminded from this experience that when I feel confused and am struggling to get clear on my intuitive truth, it’s still there.  I just have too much emotion between me and it, to see it clearly. At those times I can call on the people who know me best to help me clear away the emotional-charge and get grounded enough to see.