Archives For life
There is a place between light and dark, between clear and foggy, where you can see a parallel World. When I drive down the curvy forest road to where I grew up, in the coastal mountains of Oregon, I often feel the Mists. That in-between place, where Spirit is very present and reality bends in a way that makes our human concerns seem less relevant.
I find that place expansive, mystical, alluring. And while I don’t want to spend all of my time there, I like going there because it reminds me what I pretend is so important, this life, is actually just a blink in cosmic time. In the Mists, I might meet a long-lost love or feel free to talk with angels and animals.
We all are seeking reason to give our life meaning. Some do this by having children, a family. Continuing life, witnessing the innocence in a child. Some through dedicating to their work. Others in exploring the World or their inner world.
The Mists are where you get to discover the “why”. What you are here for. What gives you purpose.
It’s much simpler than you’d like to imagine. Yes, even simpler than pro-creation, success, or discovery. What gives you purpose is choice. Without choice you would be nothing but a clone, repeating that which those before have lived.
You have choice. Choice is your magic gateway.
You’ll find the Mists in magical moments when you are driving down the road or hiking to a hilltop. While you may not be able to see far ahead, you can see deep and wide from your soul’s perspective. In the Mists, you witness another dimension of reality. You realize that many of the things you fill your time with don’t really matter. What matters is that you are a soul in this fractal of time and you get to choose. You choose what souls you dance with, what dreams you make real.
Certainly, you have a unique reason for being alive right now, beyond choice. But your choice is the place you start to truly live. The Mists, when you are open to entering them, will let you see your dharma, what your soul work is in this lifetime.
You can’t force the gateway to open. The window between Worlds opens at Divine timing, and only when you are willing to see. It could be you’ve driven down that road 1000 times and the Mists never opened for you.
Call out for the opening. Request it, look for it, choose it. There’s no time like the present. Why wait? Life is here to be lived. Magic is waiting to happen.
It was the hardest winter in the sixty-plus year history of our family ranch. Record rains, snow and freezing weather many times from December through early March. The extremely abnormal weather put a big stress on the pregnant mama cow’s right at the time they were ready to give birth.
We had several cows with newborns that needed a stay at “Hotel Corral” where they had shelter, extra hay and room service (high protein grass pellets) delivered in the morning by yours truly. We had four calves who lost their mothers from complications pre-or-post birth and a young first-calf heifer who we had to help give birth, pulling the calf as she pushed. Its head was too big and both could have died. Thankfully they are doing great now.
I helped bottle feed the calves, massage them, encourage them to walk and love them. Being in close relationship, I began to recognize the unique soul signature of each calf, cow or bull just like I see my dog and humans.
It was emotionally hard to witness them suffer, while doing all we could to help. It brought up a lot of questions for me. I’ve always felt good about the way our family raises cattle organically, the old-fashioned way. Lots of room to roam, graze and in winter hay cut from our own non-chemically treated fields.
Now I was asking myself uncomfortable questions. What is my relationship with eating meat? How did humans become so detached from the source of their food? And what is my soul agreement with each of the calves who I know are being raised to be someone’s dinner in a couple of years?
Hard realities for a cattle rancher’s daughter to look at after being away from it for 25 years. I bonded and had a soulful relationship with each of these calves. My soul agreement was to love them and care for them while learning the signs of health and illness. These vulnerable orphans taught me about bonding, showed me what their souls were interested in experiencing by being born as a cow or bull, and helped me surrender, what is out of my control, a little more.
I used my energy tools to give healing to each of the calves and their mamas. I became particularly attached to a calf I named Teardrop, whose mom died when he was four days old. On his white face, he had a little black teardrop mark by his right eye (he’s pictured in this post).
It is a rare occurrence to have a bottle-fed-calf at our ranch. We aren’t set-up for it long-term. So Dad ran an ad on craigslist to find someone interested in bottle calves, typically it’s a 4H kid. I prayed that whoever would come for the bottle calves would give them a good home.
The next day a couple came out to take a look at Teardrop and decided to take his buddy too. They have a big cattle ranch in Montana (not a feed lot) with mother cows who had lost calves. They planned to match these calves up with new mamas, using the method my grandpa used long ago to get the mother cows to accept a calf that isn’t their own.
While I know, their ultimate fate hasn’t improved, this is the best possible scenario for the days they get to enjoy being a soul in a calf’s body. As I explore my soul agreements with animals and that responsibility, I am learning from my ranch experiences that even if my encounter is brief, I have an opportunity to honor each unique soul and offer love.
What do you think you would feel if you knew your purpose? How would that change the way you engage in your life? Do you believe it would put your mind or heart at ease? Or give you a deep sense of fulfillment? What do you believe it would change in your life?
Many clairvoyant clients want to know, “What is my purpose?”
Imagine the sensation of knowing you are on the right path, of clearly explaining to others your purpose in words that they understand. Imagine getting up every morning knowing your purpose is the foundation of all that you do. This thought feels sooo good.
Your purpose may lead you to make a difference in the world, or achieve measurable success. The problem with the concept of your life’s purpose is that it comes with expectation. By living your purpose you expect you won’t have struggles, challenges, or times when you have to wait until Spirit speaks.
The thing is your soul has an agenda when you are born. Some call it destiny. The soul’s agenda is focused on what it wants to learn, needs to fulfill from past commitments, or desires to experience in this lifetime. Your soul does not have the concept of finding a purpose.
Knowing your purpose is not the secret that will bring you peace. It is the other way around. Being at peace with your Self and your choices, allows purpose to reveal itself in your life.
Over Memorial Day weekend I spent time in Taos, New Mexico where I visited the Mable Dodge Luhan House and went to an exhibit of her life. She was a muse of such profound magnitude. Her passion for art and connection drew many artists from around the world to the beauty of New Mexico where they were inspired to create at levels they never had before.
When I was visiting her home, inspired by the courageous life she lived, I noticed how in retrospect you can see her life purpose. While she was alive it may have seemed that since she wasn’t a renowned artist herself, her role wasn’t that important. Yet she impacted the world of art and the preservation of Native American culture through creating connections and relationships in ways that changed history.
When I first discovered her house I was at a writing workshop, in the beginning of my spiritual awakening, freshly divorced and deep in the throes of healing my past. My eyes were focused on understanding what got me there and why. I was seeking my purpose. Writing had always been deeply fulfilling to me. I wondered if being a writer was my purpose.
Nearly two decades later I see my life purpose from a very different perspective. I don’t believe purpose is an external experience. I trust that by being at peace with my essence, feeling at peace regardless of the outside circumstances, I can be purposeful in whatever I choose to experience.
After I die people may say, “Natalie’s life purpose was to…” They determined my purpose based on one notable aspect of the impact my life made. The outsider doesn’t know everything my soul was busy learning or the complex purpose of this life for my soul.
At the moment, my soul wants to teach peace. Not at university, not in social uprising, not as a regimen. I want to teach peace as the path to soul freedom. Peace with the Self. Peace with living, aging, grieving, not knowing. Peace with success, fame, and failure, the shadow. Peace with the body, peace of mind, peace in loving, peace in letting go. Peace the soul can take with you when you die.
I’m not sure this can be taught but my prayer for you is to find peace and make from that whatever purpose you desire.
You are born surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who are part of a web of souls coming together for a collective soul agreement. Your longest-term soul lessons come from family members, whether they are physically present or absent from your life. The way you receive or reject each other, nurture or neglect each other, control or empower each other, encourage or put-down each other.
Having a soul agreement with each of these key players in your life means:
- you have information you are here to learn from each other
- you may have promises to keep from your past soul encounters
- or unresolved karma
It does not guarantee that you will keep these agreements. Nor that family will behave in a way that is loving, kind, helpful or growth oriented. Sometimes soul agreements involve retraction, contraction, obstacles, pain, loss, suffering or aloneness.
Family soul agreements are the juiciest kind as they get activated before your soul-body consciousness kicks in. The physical body’s early development is an incubation time for the soul. The soul in a new body has to surrender to an infant’s limitations and learn to eat, sleep, walk, talk, read, count and many other skills needed to survive.
In that early time when you are completely dependent on your care takers for survival, you are open to the imprint of your mother, father, siblings or others who take care of you. How they feel about themselves and how they feel about you forms your view of yourself. The lens you see the world through. Their beliefs and behaviors set unconscious programs in place that you may carry with you your entire life.
In the cauldron of their own soul lessons, your arrival into your family may have come with joy or fear. The tone of your arrival is reflective of your soul agreements with your family. You may have a soul agreement to arrive under the sunny energy of true love. Or you may have an agreement to come in at a certain time, even if the timing isn’t convenient for them, it may even be stressful or unwanted.
Soul agreements with family contain a heavy portion of loyalty, sometimes beyond what is healthy. Therefore, abandonment is exceptionally painful when it comes from family. The ripping away of the biologically programmed survival connection can forever haunt a person’s life.
If you’ve had difficult or abusive relationships with family members, it’s hard to image that your soul chose the agreement. Remember the future is not written. Each soul involved in a relationship has a choice and each day every soul chooses in every moment if they will listen to and live from their wounds and fears or seek healing and love.
So know that although you may have a soul agreement with difficult family members, it doesn’t mean you are required to continue to tolerate abuse. These souls may have an obligation to fulfill with you from a past life. They may have come in with the intention of healing and found the world around them cultivated more wounds, pain and fear.
If you are here to cultivate love and healing, which I suspect you are because you are reading this blog post, then you’re taking the opportunity to shift the trajectory of your soul agreements. You can alter these agreements through your spiritual intentions, through shifting what you are willing to experience with your family members.
You may love your family and also choose to complete your soul agreements with some of them at the end of this lifetime, or even before this lifetime ends. You also may set the intention to meet again in some future soul shape and journey in new ways. I offer guidance on how to do this in the post How to Change a Soul Agreement.
You have the power to heal, resolve or complete your family soul agreements even if the other person is not willing to participate in this shift. The simple truth in family soul agreements is that no matter which role you are playing in the family, parent, child or sibling, you are each other’s teachers.
Dreams point us in the direction of what we believe will bring us greater happiness and pleasure in life. Yet often we get stopped short by the enormity of getting from here to there. Or we get distracted by easier things to do that we don’t value as much (procrastination) and forget to listen to our inner voice as it points us in the direction of that desire.
Occasionally we run headlong in the direction of our dream and the clues the universe delivers along our pathway are a blur. We don’t see them because we’re so focused on an outcome and miss a critical opportunity en route. Our soul speaks to us always of what is true and right for us, but we have to allow space to listen. This inner guide gives us regular clues, invitations on the journey, to take short cuts or meandering long roads that expand our possibilities, connections, inspiration and foundation as we head toward a vision.
Experience is what living is about. Every meaningful experience is a gem that fills your treasure chest as a soul. As you reflect on your collection of gems, they evoke emotional resonance. You may still feel surprise and excitement at the synchronicities that occur when you are present and listening. One of these gems may have been your first exposure to your dream.
Such as the time I affirmed a little girl’s insistence that she could see a dog in my truck with me shortly after my dog Luka had died. Her parents kept telling her “no, there’s no doggie.” That day I was taking a step toward fulfilling a dream of helping others with their spiritual journey that led to the clairvoyance I now offer. This little girl who was able to “see” reminded me what is available when I look at life from a place of innocence and don’t listen to the voices negating my experience.
A more recent gem in my treasure chest of experience was created from the discomfort that pushed me and my friend to change plans, pack up and move camps three days into Burning Man, the first step that led to changing my trajectory for the entire experience. My soul kept nudging me to embrace a deeper trust that all of my needs would be met without external reassurances. Listening, following what I felt called to do without knowing how many things would work out (food, a place to sleep and transportation back to Oregon). I was never in lack and found the less I concerned myself with survival the more community support and synchronistic connections showed up.
Gems are created from great pressure that creates beauty. We find them in river beds, in caves… the freshest brightest moments of our lives and the darkest most inward times.
Our soul’s assignment is not to achieve something big that will go down in history or arrive at the Summit of a peak. Fulfilling a dream is fantastic, but to have our eyes open on the way there, that is where the magic lies. To choose a path and choose again, a multitude of times as we walk along a path, noticing what feels right and what feels off. Each step in the direction of a dream realized is an opportunity to listen to our soul’s guidance, to the Divine that is us, as it leads us through experiences, energies and obstacles.