Archives For life lessons

Soul Agreements with Family

Natalie —  December 2, 2015 — 2 Comments

You are born surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who are part of a web of souls coming together for a collective soul agreement. Your longest-term soul lessons come from family members, whether they are physically present or absent from your life. The way you receive or reject each other, nurture or neglect each other, control or empower each other, encourage or put-down each other.

Having a soul agreement with each of these key players in your life means:

  • you have information you are here to learn from each other
  • you may have promises to keep from your past soul encounters
  • or unresolved karma

It does not guarantee that you will keep these agreements. Nor that family will behave in a way that is loving, kind, helpful or growth oriented. Sometimes soul agreements involve retraction, contraction, obstacles, pain, loss, suffering or aloneness.

Family soul agreements are the juiciest kind as they get activated before your soul-body consciousness kicks in. The physical body’s early development is an incubation time for the soul. The soul in a new body has to surrender to an infant’s limitations and learn to eat, sleep, walk, talk, read, count and many other skills needed to survive.

In that early time when you are completely dependent on your care takers for survival, you are open to the imprint of your mother, father, siblings or others who take care of you. How they feel about themselves and how they feel about you forms your view of yourself. The lens you see the world through. Their beliefs and behaviors set unconscious programs in place that you may carry with you your entire life.

In the cauldron of their own soul lessons, your arrival into your family may have come with joy or fear.  The tone of your arrival is reflective of your soul agreements with your family. You may have a soul agreement to arrive under the sunny energy of true love. Or you may have an agreement to come in at a certain time, even if the timing isn’t convenient for them, it may even be stressful or unwanted.

Soul agreements with family contain a heavy portion of loyalty, sometimes beyond what is healthy.  Therefore, abandonment is exceptionally painful when it comes from family. The ripping away of the biologically programmed survival connection can forever haunt a person’s life.

If you’ve had difficult or abusive relationships with family members, it’s hard to image that your soul chose the agreement. Remember the future is not written. Each soul involved in a relationship has a choice and each day every soul chooses in every moment if they will listen to and live from their wounds and fears or seek healing and love.

So know that although you may have a soul agreement with difficult family members, it doesn’t mean you are required to continue to tolerate abuse. These souls may have an obligation to fulfill with you from a past life. They may have come in with the intention of healing and found the world around them cultivated more wounds, pain and fear.

If you are here to cultivate love and healing, which I suspect you are because you are reading this blog post, then you’re taking the opportunity to shift the trajectory of your soul agreements. You can alter these agreements through your spiritual intentions, through shifting what you are willing to experience with your family members.

You may love your family and also choose to complete your soul agreements with some of them at the end of this lifetime, or even before this lifetime ends. You also may set the intention to meet again in some future soul shape and journey in new ways. I offer guidance on how to do this in the post How to Change a Soul Agreement.

You have the power to heal, resolve or complete your family soul agreements even if the other person is not willing to participate in this shift. The simple truth in family soul agreements is that no matter which role you are playing in the family, parent, child or sibling, you are each other’s teachers.

In the morning I remember, by the afternoon I’ve forgotten, in the evening I remember again.  How many times I can remember and forget the same spiritual lesson?  It helps to have a good sense of humor about it.  Spiritual lessons are generally simple yet profound. We “get it” in an Aha! moment of recognition and breathe a sigh of relief in the awareness.  Suddenly we feel unstuck, clarity or an opening to new possibility.

When we learn a new spiritual lesson, it often feels like we are remembering something we’ve long forgotten because we are.  We are tapping into a universal truth that puts our earthly interpretation of life experiences in a healthier perspective. But it is easy to forget what we know when we get pulled into the prevailing energies operating around us, from demands at work or home, to our own impatience or fears of what might happen.

A coworker at my technology job is spiraling into worry, fear, and what-if scenarios during a phone call and it tosses the rest of my day out of alignment. Instead of feeling proactive and peaceful as I go through my work day I feel off-center and behind. Not even aware of what hit me.  A client calls with an “I need it now” demand and I forget to put it in perspective with the rest of my responsibilities. Only to find myself stressed out and behind trying to keep up with my prior commitments and complete the new request. I started the day out remembering and forgot. It takes a disruptive activity to remind me again such as a phone call from a friend or stepping outside to get lunch.

One of my spiritual lessons is “what is meant to be will be” or the Divine Plan is at work regardless of how it appears to me. It doesn’t mean I like it. I may feel sad, disappointed, disheartened or betrayed by God, confused, even angry. It is hardest to accept when what occurs feels like a loss. The unexpected death of a loved one, failure at something I’ve been working extremely diligently to accomplish, or struggling with something that seemed easy many times in the past. When we try every avenue only to have each lead to a dead-end, the Divine is sending us a message.  Our path is elsewhere.

Another personal spiritual lesson that I frequently forget and remember is regarding manifesting what I desire.  When I ask for something, if I can let go of how it arrives, (the timing and what form it takes) I’m more likely to notice when the prayer is answered. Demanding a certain form causes us to miss out on so many opportunities.  It’s in a sense trying to control the choices of others and the Divine. When we set an intention with control energy, such as “please help my current job give me a more flexible schedule, better pay, a boss who I feel is a mentor,” we are failing to allow flexibility in how it arrives. The job that offers these things may not be our current job but a new job that is more aligned with the request. When that other job shows up, we ignore the offer because we are stuck wanting our current job to change and match our desire.

The primary energies I’ve noticed get in the way of remembering my spiritual truths when I need them most are the fears and expectations of others.  Taking 10 minutes to get grounded and set my energy with a short meditation in the morning improves my odds of staying centered in the midst of all the energies that flow through my life in a day.  Meditation tools can be applied liberally here to re-center after we get thrown off, but that’s presuming we remember when it happens!