Archives For healing

The day dawned and I saw the tasks before me. My heart wasn’t in it. My mind was busy trying to figure out how to return to peace.  I was in an existential crisis. All felt meaningless. Not knowing what else to do I resorted to the reboot button. I went out into my backyard and lay in the grass on the earth, staring up at the sky allowing Earth to absorb the suffering of all humanity held in my bones.

Slowly the solid slightly damp ground beneath my body started breathing with me. Earth  is so deeply wise in its transformation of what falls upon it into loam. My mind’s attachment dissolved, disillusion. Earth absorbing all of my need to find meaning, explanations, understanding, belief, disbelief, purpose. In the presence of such vast, enduring simplicity my yearnings are a pinprick.

I let it go. Not even claiming to know what “it” I’m letting go. Human suffering? Grief for all the suffering my psychic eyes see? All that cannot and will not be healed, fixed, resolved in this lifetime? Everything that is in-between me and Being-ness.  So that I can walk back to the world of, this-equals-that: time-equals-pay, money-equals-options, healing-equals-happiness. For a moment I’m not sure what I believe. Believing seems like a way to make myself feel safe when truthfully the entirety of existence is unfathomably complex.

On this patch of dirt and grass, looking up at the sky crisscrossed with power lines above my backyard, contemplating life’s mystery.  I know this much, I need nature. Earth is my lifeline. It does more than ground me. It heals me. It allows the unknown to be unknowable. It allows my mind to stop. It opens my heart. It dissolves all attempts to avoid The Divine  Mystery’s call.

I’m listening. Listening means feeling. I’m feeling. Feeling sucks sometimes. I am so glad that I feel.

I danced the night before this existential crisis at Rhythm Sanctuary. I felt discomfort, my body wanted to loosen. I was impatient with the sounds. They felt too slow and jolting. I wanted to dive in to the fire, but it was only sticks, then a spark of flint. The wood was wet and taking time to ignite. When the fire caught, my body felt rhythmic and alive. I trusted my body and it moved in all the worshipful, tribal, ecstatic ways it wanted. But my brain was still engaged. It was only when my brain stopped noticing my dance that I enjoyed how I felt.

My underlying problem is that I spend too much time in the place where my brain is noticing.  The brain noticing is critical and comparative, it wants an answer. It wants to know what to do to get to pleasure. The brain can’t get to pleasure. The brain has to lay on Earth and recognize it is simply a different form of dust. Match vibrations with eternity.

The brain must surrender its role as the keeper of the human body. It is CEO, it has enough information to lead but not the capacity that the heart has to feel, the womb has to surrender and merge, the belly has to propel. The brain wants to figure it out. It doesn’t do well with what can’t be measured and decided.  Its job is to decide, to analyze.

All misery comes from my brain yet it is my best ally. I want to train my brain to recognize when it’s trying to fix or solve something that is out of its expertise. I want it to advise me to take council with the heart, to check in with my pleasure center, to ask the skin, the womb, the voice what they have to say. The brain struggles to find pleasure.  It’s not able to manifest pleasure, only measure it. Its job is to reflect on the other aspects of me that are creating sensations through life experiences. Then select the best option.

In an existential crisis my brain has nothing to work with. All the facts aren’t facts. They are feelings, sensations, knowingness that comes from the body. There is no decision to be made. No action to take. It is a time to stop, listen and feel. Reboot. To follow the rest of my soul’s experiences back to pleasure.

Souls without a body, such as your deceased loved ones, angels and other spiritual entities, have the ability to interact with you in the nonphysical plane. They represent one of the categories of soul agreements and are often the most tricky to identify. Some of these soul agreements with the spirit realm are created at your request; others are consequences of exposure to a spiritual entity under certain circumstances.

Helpful agreements are those created in response to your souls request, they either benefit you by providing protection, controlling your response or blocking experiences that are unwanted.  Hindering soul agreements are initiated either through a trauma experience, taken on to help another person heal or from energetic boundaries becoming permeable while using mind altering substances.

There are a few types of souls without bodies:

  • Angels/Guides – spiritual helpers who assist you upon request, they may help many people simultaneously and don’t attach in the way that Spiritual Entities do (invitation only)
  • Ancestors – Deceased loved ones, in spirit form, who communicate and assist but don’t attach
  • Spiritual Entities – attach themselves to you to do a job, or they get into your space in one of the hindering ways I mentioned above

You can have agreements with all of them but the ones that most often require intervention through agreement updates are spiritual entities.  Here’s an example of how a soul agreement with a spiritual entity is formed.

Around the age of three to five years, the responses you receive to showing your will or power teach you how much power you are allowed to have and how you are allowed to express what you want. If you experience a negative response to your power from someone you care about, you may call in a spiritual entity to help you control your expression of power. This experience is accompanied by a mental belief that your power can create disapproval or punishment. And by altered behaviors, that stop you from doing what comes naturally.

As an adult you recognize this pattern and choose to reclaim your power. You change your beliefs and behaviors. Yet you still find that the people don’t see what you are capable of.  They don’t see or acknowledge your power because the spiritual entity is protecting you from possible disapproval that would come from showing your full power.  You have an outdated soul agreement, blocking you from being seen for who you are.

Agreements with spiritual entities can also be created by and inherited from your parents or grandparents. These are passed down to keep you from experiencing a negative experience they experienced or as part of a family disease soul contract such as addiction or suicide.

Some negative spiritual entities are very strong and don’t like to leave. They are using your energy to their benefit. Those inherited from generations-old family agreements may be moved out, only to discover another similar spiritual entity shows up in its place.  Multi-generational soul agreements need to be healed back to the point of their creation to prevent attracting in another similar vibration entity. (I’ll cover this in future posts on family agreements).

You have the senior position in all of your spiritual contracts, including those with souls that don’t have a body. You can tell them to leave, end your agreements or change their job. In some cases you may prefer to get assistance from a professional to end or update these agreements.

In the next two weeks I’ll cover your soul agreements with ancestors, diseased oved ones, angels and guides. Please comment with questions and share your experiences here or on my Facebook page.

I write to you while traveling in New Zealand. Exploring another culture I’m always curious about the soul of the people.  The Maori (indigenous New Zealanders) have a term “turangawaewae” to express what all humans desire but few languages have a word for, the sense that our life is purposeful, fulfilling and that we have a place to stand.

I learned about turangawaewae when reading the story of a local painter and outdoor enthusiast. She takees multi-month kayaking journeys along the shores of New Zealand and paints what she sees in these remote parts of the coastline. In combining these two passions she she’d found her turangawaewae, her place to stand. The concept is defined as, “places where we feel especially empowered and connected… our foundation, our place in the world, our home.”

Finding one’s turangawaewae is a challenge for the majority of people I know. Even those with a clear and early artistic expression, talent or passion often struggle with feeling at peace creating space for it in their lives. Society conditions us that our purpose should be actualized in a job, financial pressures take priority over life balance, and we generally don’t receive any guidance from family, school or society regarding discovery of places we feel empowered and connected. We desire turangawaewae but don’t have a word for it in the English language or guidance to discover it.

If turangawaewae came easy maybe we wouldn’t value it or as someone once said, if you see a path ahead of you and each step to take, know that it’s not your path. It’s someone elses path. Your path only gets revealed one moment at a time, one choice at a time, as you live it. Suddenly you realize you’ve arrived somewhere even if you didn’t see that your experiences were adding up to somthing. You know its your turangawaewae because you’re at peace for longer periods of time, feeling empowered and on solid ground.

As I look back at my own journey to turangawaewae it was never a clear path. I was always curious about the spiritual world, what is unseen in the universe. From as early as I can remember I felt a deep sense of fulfillment from writing. As a young girl some of my sweetest memories are of writing poetry and prose among the grass and daffodils in our front pasture. But I often struggled with how these aspects of myself fit into what I was creating with my life and purpose.

I was attracted to self-reflect and heal incongruencies in my heart and mind as a teenager. This led me on a path of working with many spiritual, physical and psychological healing modalities. Then in my late 20’s I made a choice to learn healthier boundaries around my psychic experience, not even knowing how to define it at the time. I started clairvoyant training to help myself translate what I was experiencing and feel more at peace when in the the presence of others who were suffering.

Throughout my life I unconsciously empathically felt the energy or emotions of people around me. I often didn’t know when I felt bad that what I was absorbing or responding to in someone around me. For example, if I worked with a person who was depressed or angry, it would drain my energy.

For seven years off-and-on I took classes and regularly applied the tools for myself, becoming more and more clear on what I felt and what I was sensing around me. Feeling less and less drained or “off” from the energy of those I encountered. Eventually I was inspired to take the full clairvoyant certification training, again not planning to do something with it beyond using the knowledge to inform my own life experience and vanquish lingering doubts I had regarding my intuition.

The program had both a training and practicum component. Learning the tools, then applying them with other students or those who came to the school for student readings. I also began to share what I learned with friends outside of the classroom. I found it exceptionally fulfilling at the end of each reading to have shared what I had to offer to another soul as they were looking within to find more peace in their life.

In parallel I had been writing in the format of a personal blog for years when I found I was writing about self-reflective concepts, my passion for the soul’s experience and intuition. Combining these two expressions has brought me a deeper sense of inner-peace and fulfillment. Now over nearly 15 years after starting down the path of clairvoyant training and many more years of writing, I feel I have I had found my turangawaewae, the place where I feel the most purpose, empowered and connected both with my own essense and with others.

Well it Matter in 50 Years?

Natalie —  September 11, 2013 — 2 Comments
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This content is for members only

The Healing Power of Rest

Natalie —  January 9, 2013 — Leave a comment
"Spire" statue by Bruce Gueswell as seen at Denver Intl Airport.

“Spire” statue by Bruce Gueswell as seen at Denver Intl Airport.

Life surrounds us with constant stimulation of our senses.  We need to make time to rest our psychic space in order to hear our intuition clearly. One way we can do this is through what I call daylight dreaming, a restful psychic state on the edge between sleep and wake, not fully conscious yet not asleep.

In this place our spirit is processing its experience. It is coming to new awareness of the energies in our vibrational field that are ready to be released or resolved.  This is a restful state that brings healing, awareness and a sense of rejuvenation.

The visions that occur in daylight dreaming are like a slideshow of snapshots from our experiences.  They have emotions associated with them: friendship, love, anxiety, anger, shame, joy, confusion, grief.  As the scene drifts through our consciousness the unresolved energies take center stage. Often bringing to mind details we didn’t grasp in the moment of the experience.

In reviewing them from this restful place, they effortlessly begin to dissolve.  We feel deeper relaxation in our body.  We are still awake but our soul is actively directing the mind.

To access our inner-guidance this way starts with taking time to rest.  We can simply lay down and close our eyes, engage in shavasana yoga practice or meditation.  We encourage this state of daylight dreaming by resting when we are not physically tired but feel mentally overwhelmed.

Mediation to stimulate daylight dreaming:

  • Lay down with your eyes closed, quiet your mind.
  • Notice the places in your body that are tense and feel them relaxing.
  • Effortlessly visualize all the energy of your day before this moment, moving the images out of your body and into a bubble.  Send that bubble to a faraway mountain top and pop it.
  • Notice your emotions, how you feel.  There will be a dominate feeling and many other less dominate feelings all happening at the same time.  For an emotion that is negative or energy depleting, notice where you feel it strongest in your physical body.
  • With your mind relaxed let whatever image comes emerge from your memory, this image will connect your emotion, the place where it is holding in your body and the experience which initiated or triggered the emotion.
  • Then imagine that energy being drawn out of your body into another bubble and send it off to a faraway place to recycle its energy with neutrality.
  • This can be repeated with the next layer of strongest emotion that surfaces in your daylight dream.

Daylight dreaming facilitates healing, a relaxation of the mind and release of spiritual energy in our aura field that isn’t serving us. Allowing ourselves to fulfill this essential need to rest the body and mind, restores us to a place of greater strength. Rest reduces stress and cultivates inner-peace.  Resolving, releasing and healing our experiences bring greater clarity to our intuition.

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Recently I found myself resisting asking the universe for what I wanted.  As if outside of my life looking in, I knew that taking time to get clear on what I really wanted would benefit me. It would help me be more present and stay aligned with my truth. While self-reflecting on my resistance, I realized my inner-judgment toward asking for what I want.

Why was I hesitating?  My analytical mind argued, “What if what I think I want isn’t in my highest good?”  Or it took the position that I shouldn’t be as specific in my request, leaving it more open to the divine plan.  But by avoiding getting clear I was undermining my power to manifest and subsequently my inner-peace.

Another aspect of my resistance was fear that God would see me as greedy for wanting more than what was needed for survival.  I also worried that my desires would somehow unconsciously impact others in a negative or manipulative way.  Overshadowing all of these judgmental thoughts was my fear of being disappointed. It felt risky to get my hopes up by asking for what I wanted.

Part of me could see the fallacy in all of these beliefs.  But they felt real due to my social and religious programming. They were unconsciously blocking me.

Once I recognized them as false beliefs, I spent time in meditation looking at myself to identify, heal and release them.  I noticed that I felt the tension of these beliefs in my body just below the belly button in my second chakra, the creation energy zone.  Taking action to free myself of these blocks to creation, I visualized a bubble outside of my body, like a salve, drawing out the energies of judgment, control, fear, disappointment and unworthiness.  When the bubble was full of these outdated beliefs, I imagined it floating to a faraway mountain top and popping.  The energy was released to be recycled in the universe.  Practicing meditations that clean-out false beliefs help us create space and remove resistance.

Here are a few of the benefits of setting intentions by visualizing what we would like to create in our life:

  • Focusing on areas in our life (relationship, career, home, money, health) long enough to get clear on what it is we are seeking to experience, aligns our energy with this vision, increasing our odds of attracting it!
  • Knowing what we want and need allows us to see more clearly when we are making choices, or feeling obligated to do things that aren’t in alignment with our values.
  • Being open to the form that our desires are fulfilled keeps us in gratitude.
  • The present moment is the only one where we have power to influence our larger life experience.

Manifestation is all about the feelings we want to experience in our life. When we get clear on what we want to feel in a relationship, in our home or at work, the form those experiences take or “how” things manifest isn’t as important. Removing resistance, those beliefs that we allow to block us from having what we want, gives us more clarity. Life flows, it takes less effort, when we are clear and in alignment with our needs and wants.

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NASA Photo – Soul Nebula

The lens we perceive all experiences through is colored by our past experiences.  Beyond what has occurred for the body, mind and heart, the experiences of the Soul carry a memory that subconsciously imprints our present life.  Our Akashic record is the term for the spiritual history of our Soul.  To find complete healing we must release unresolved energy from our past to make space for a new reality.

The Akashic records contain all of the details of past experiences, from this life and previous lifetimes, whether we remember them or not.  We each have a spiritual helper whose job is to maintain that record.  The challenge is that the history of our Soul contains every detail of our past experience, some which were left unresolved or caused wounds that we may have healed psychologically but not spiritually.

The energy of these past unresolved experiences continues to be in our space, magnetically attracting similar experiences.  We see this most clearly when we become aware of a pattern in our lives, such as choosing an abusive relationship. We have done the psychological work to heal that pattern, changed our behaviors that are associated with it, yet still find it showing up in our lives.  Pretty frustrating!

Our Akashic record is a journal of our Soul’s experiences, from a neutral perspective, no judgment, simply a historical record. When we make choices in this life that lead to our healing we are creating the opportunity to change our experiences going forward.  We release beliefs, patterns and wounds from the past and experience a new reality.  In order to have complete healing, we have to address the Soul level as well as the mind, body and heart.

In the psychic realm we can look at the unresolved experiences from our past and communicate with the spirit keeper of the Akashic records to update them.  If we ask, our Akashic record keeper will help us by maintaining the memory of the past experience that was unresolved while releasing the charge on the energy that is magnetically drawing matching experiences in from the universe.

Using our intuitive awareness we have the opportunity to see and clear past wounds for ourselves, releasing the vibration that is drawing in experiences we don’t want to repeat.  Sometimes we are too close to clearly see our own wounds, or we can see them and don’t have the neutrality to heal them.  It’s in these moments that we ask for outside assistance.  Having a trusted teacher or healer see on our behalf and hold space for the shifting of energy.

The past is a fun place to explore when we can see the full-spectrum of experiences as part of what has made us who we are today.  Past experiences mold our perspective and vision in the present.  To reclaim our power to experience the life we want, we have to release ourselves from the unconscious grip of past wounds and belief systems that were based on a limited perspective. Working with our Akashic record keeper opens the door to a facet of healing that allows complete integration of our body, mind, heart and Soul’s experiences in the now.