Archives For friendship

Commitment

Natalie —  August 4, 2011 — 2 Comments

The Great Stupa at Shambala Mountain Center

Last weekend I reunited with a dear friend of nearly twenty years and was reminded of the power of commitment as we walked the land at Shambhala Mountain Center and meditated at The Great Stupa.  Kimberly and I met working at a clothing store in Boulder, Colorado while we were college students. We had a casual social friendship but were living very different lives. She was single and free.  I was married with a house in the suburbs. In those early years our friendship ebbed and flowed.  We would lose track of each other then find each other again.

Once she sold everything and moved to Durango to live in a tent, I thought I’d never see her again, and then suddenly I ran across her on the street feeding burritos to the homeless.  That was the year I graduated and she took a road trip to the west coast finding me in my hometown a week after I’d returned from my own post-graduation trip to Africa.  The out-of-state meeting rekindled our friendship.

As we became closer we hit several bumps in the road.  My fiery Leo energy was challenging for her watery Scorpio energy.  Periodically I’d boil her out of the water without even realizing I’d done so.  She’d need some space and I’d say “Huh?”  It was the dance of cultivating a friendship that ran deeper than most, pushing us each past our edge to a new level of trust, accountability and transparency.  More than once we formally quit being friends for awhile.

Each time we’d come back together somehow and remember what we valued in each other.  She was the friend who was with me the moment I realized my marriage was over.  She was the friend who understood more than anyone the spiritual path that I was compelled to walk.  She walked it too.

Nearly a decade had past when we decided to consciously commit to our friendship. No more of the predictable break-up, make-up.  We agreed to take responsibility for whatever was going on for us individually, communicate and hold space for the friendship as we worked through whatever was up for us.  At that time we also acknowledged our soul agreement: our purpose for finding each other in this life was to remind each other of our spiritual paths.

Life is a series of remembering and forgetting and remembering again.

The tables have turned, now she’s married with a son and a house in the country while I’m single and free.  Commitment and consciousness made our relationship more stable.  We’ve had cycles of conflict since then, drifting apart and then finding each other again. But now days when one of us takes a path that the other doesn’t understand, we hold space for each other and wait for the rekindling of our connection.  We remind each other of our true Self when life has taken us on a detour.  It always happens, because we are committed.

 “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself then providence moves, too.” Goethe

Past experiences alter the lens we perceive our life through, causing our perception of certain relationships to be tinted, foggy, distorted and even blinding us.  When we act on inner-guidance that is skewed by a false perspective we don’t generally get positive results.  These past reference points are often the biggest block to accurately interpreting our intuition.

Our relationship with our inner-guidance is similar to our relationship with a friend. We build trust through experiences together.  In all relationships we enter with assumptions based on our past.  Those unconscious beliefs and expectations effect how long it will take us to create a sense of safety and trust with the person.  If our past experiences have been full of betrayal and pain we may never feel safety and trust.  We may not be able to embrace the positive a person has to offer as we see them through a false belief filter.

Most limitations we face in relationships start with false beliefs.  The lens through which we perceive the world attracts familiar experiences and has us automatically respond to life in a way that gives us an expected result. We formed these beliefs through our own encounters and the examples shown to us by family and society.  In the moment of their creation they had truth and relevance. That doesn’t mean they are true and relevant today.

To build a sense of trust with our intuition we need to form a conscious relationship with it, becoming aware of our filters based on outdated beliefs.  This means when we check-in with our inner-guidance and get a response, we dive deeper.  We ask ourselves if the information is true for us in this specific time and place.  We ask if it is in alignment for our body, mind and heart. What feels good to our body can harm our mind and heart. What feels good to our mind may not be the best choice for our heart or body. Alignment is the key.

Awareness of our experience based lenses and how they distort our view in relationships can help us understand why we aren’t interpreting our intuition clearly.  The experiences we have that show us our intuition is true, protecting us from harm and directing us on a positive path, help develop trust.  When we clean out false beliefs influencing our perception we build more trust in our inner-guidance.  This encourages us to seek out its company and deeply listen to what it has to say in every situation.