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Soul Agreements with Family

Natalie —  December 2, 2015 — 2 Comments

You are born surrounded by parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who are part of a web of souls coming together for a collective soul agreement. Your longest-term soul lessons come from family members, whether they are physically present or absent from your life. The way you receive or reject each other, nurture or neglect each other, control or empower each other, encourage or put-down each other.

Having a soul agreement with each of these key players in your life means:

  • you have information you are here to learn from each other
  • you may have promises to keep from your past soul encounters
  • or unresolved karma

It does not guarantee that you will keep these agreements. Nor that family will behave in a way that is loving, kind, helpful or growth oriented. Sometimes soul agreements involve retraction, contraction, obstacles, pain, loss, suffering or aloneness.

Family soul agreements are the juiciest kind as they get activated before your soul-body consciousness kicks in. The physical body’s early development is an incubation time for the soul. The soul in a new body has to surrender to an infant’s limitations and learn to eat, sleep, walk, talk, read, count and many other skills needed to survive.

In that early time when you are completely dependent on your care takers for survival, you are open to the imprint of your mother, father, siblings or others who take care of you. How they feel about themselves and how they feel about you forms your view of yourself. The lens you see the world through. Their beliefs and behaviors set unconscious programs in place that you may carry with you your entire life.

In the cauldron of their own soul lessons, your arrival into your family may have come with joy or fear.  The tone of your arrival is reflective of your soul agreements with your family. You may have a soul agreement to arrive under the sunny energy of true love. Or you may have an agreement to come in at a certain time, even if the timing isn’t convenient for them, it may even be stressful or unwanted.

Soul agreements with family contain a heavy portion of loyalty, sometimes beyond what is healthy.  Therefore, abandonment is exceptionally painful when it comes from family. The ripping away of the biologically programmed survival connection can forever haunt a person’s life.

If you’ve had difficult or abusive relationships with family members, it’s hard to image that your soul chose the agreement. Remember the future is not written. Each soul involved in a relationship has a choice and each day every soul chooses in every moment if they will listen to and live from their wounds and fears or seek healing and love.

So know that although you may have a soul agreement with difficult family members, it doesn’t mean you are required to continue to tolerate abuse. These souls may have an obligation to fulfill with you from a past life. They may have come in with the intention of healing and found the world around them cultivated more wounds, pain and fear.

If you are here to cultivate love and healing, which I suspect you are because you are reading this blog post, then you’re taking the opportunity to shift the trajectory of your soul agreements. You can alter these agreements through your spiritual intentions, through shifting what you are willing to experience with your family members.

You may love your family and also choose to complete your soul agreements with some of them at the end of this lifetime, or even before this lifetime ends. You also may set the intention to meet again in some future soul shape and journey in new ways. I offer guidance on how to do this in the post How to Change a Soul Agreement.

You have the power to heal, resolve or complete your family soul agreements even if the other person is not willing to participate in this shift. The simple truth in family soul agreements is that no matter which role you are playing in the family, parent, child or sibling, you are each other’s teachers.

Free Will and Soul Agreements

Natalie —  March 11, 2015 — 2 Comments

You have choice, free will, the ability to alter your life’s direction. You also live in a world with many other sentient beings that have free will and their choices effect your choices, resulting in outcomes that may be different than you’d hoped or expected.

Life begins with the soul agreements in your family. You have things to teach each other, karma to complete and promises to keep. Family members, both biological and adoptive, are key in your foundational soul agreements and the lessons you are here to learn. I believe that even your family is your choice; you made the choice before being born.

Then there are soul agreements we make fresh in this life. They may last a lifetime or be a onetime interaction to change our direction or teach us something. We always have free will in responding to any soul agreement.

Some people call it destiny but I see it more like a collection of agreements we’ve made as a soul in previous lifetimes to show-up to keep these agreements. For example, I have a friend who I met working at a clothing boutique during college.  Little did we know at the time that we had a soul agreement to remind each other of our spiritual path?

She changed jobs and we lost touch. Then I saw her feeding burritos she’d made to the homeless and we reconnected. She moved. We lost touch again. Then again we reconnected by chance, or is it?  Keeping this soul agreement has been dance we have done over more than 20 years.

At times it’s been tough, we’ve pushed each other too hard, resisted the reminders, inadvertently hurt each other but as we’ve matured and become more conscious of our agreement the waters of our friendship have calmed. They aren’t as choppy as they were when we were unconsciously trying to keep the agreement by shaking the other up. Now we are more direct, less easily offended, trust each other’s reflections and openly discuss our soul agreement.

We could have chosen to walk away permanently from this soul agreement at many junctures. There were years we didn’t speak but something deeper kept bringing us back to each other. Our soul agreement.

If we had exercised our free will and walked away without completing our agreement or without each separately doing our soul work to release the charge on that unfinished agreement, the energy would have continued to pull us back together in this lifetime or another lifetime to keep our agreement.

Just as you have free will so do those who you encounter in your life.  When things seemingly go awry with your soul agreements it may be that choices are made from miscommunication, fear of change or concern for the impact on others the person is in agreement with. People you interact with may choose not to say “yes” to your soul agreement. Life moves you in a different direction. That doesn’t mean you have to allow it to haunt you.

In a soul agreement that you are ready to end, you can clear the energy without the participation from the other. I’ll cover the “how-to” in future blog posts.  You can also choose to walk away without ending the agreement too. And allow the agreement to be fulfilled some way in the future.

We are born into a soul agreement with our parents and other family members, we make friends, go to school, have relationships, manage our finances, we may marry, have children, work, move homes and be part of various social circles over time.  All of these experiences involve temporary or lasting soul agreements that are created with individuals or groups of people, places, inanimate objects and organizations.

As each of these agreements is created, it is created based on the needs and intentions of all parties at the time the agreement is initiated. Most relationship agreements are created with more unspoken and unconscious assumptions than openly acknowledged ones. Such as, “because we are married you will comfort me if I feel sad.” That may not be part of the agreement for both parties. Over time we experience changes in agreements such as moving to a new residence, the end of a relationship, a change of jobs or graduation from school.

Yet certain endings lingeringly haunt our thoughts. We know the relationship, job or phase of life is over but we don’t feel complete, the past is distracting and interfering with feeling at peace in the present.  This isn’t a rational experience of the mind, it doesn’t line up with the external information we know to be true. It is the soul agreement that is still operating based on a past commitment.

We may also find that we are living in an agreement we no longer want to be in as it stands. Such as, relating with a parent that still treats us like a child, a partnership that has become emotionally abusive or a job that drains our energy the moment we walk into the door.  We feel stuck and unable to change the experience, even though we’ve tried.

There is something deeper than our external circumstance that seems to be holding us in an agreement that is no longer serving us. It is the spiritual aspect of the agreement.  A soul agreement transcends our physical obligations and our mental figuring. It is our soul’s contract to show-up in a specific way. We have the power to change our soul’s agreements and open to new more aligned experiences.

For the next few months I will be writing on this topic to help you understanding how the unspoken aspects for your agreements affect your energy, inner-peace and ability to create new agreements for yourself. I will give you tools to change, end or update your soul agreements.

We’ll look at the following types of agreements:

  • Family (parent, sibling, child)
  • Love partnerships
  • Friendships
  • Home (Community, Living Space)
  • Groups/Organizations: Work, School, Social Circles
  • Money
  • Activities (Sports, Arts)
  • Animals (Pets and Spirit Totems)
  • Spiritual Entities (angels, guides, genetically inherited and those taken on from others)

To build a foundation for shifting our agreements, I will cover the difference between agreements with others and the agreements with our Self. In our soul agreements with others, I will touch on how one party to the agreement may hold the power position in the creation of the “terms of the agreement” and the impact of that imbalance of energy. I will also cover how to intentionally create new soul agreements.

Please comment and ask questions here and on Facebook to let me know what you’d like me to focus on.

You might think your family didn’t teach you much about your intuition but they did.  Whether they taught you to doubt your gut feelings by telling you that you were wrong when you voiced something you sensed but couldn’t prove, or they simply were living examples of listening to their inner-voice; they taught you something.

One way I was taught to tune-in to my intuition by my family was through working with my dad on the ranch. There were always projects to do. The list was never ending with land, livestock, buildings, fences and equipment to keep in order.  Dad would often have me and my brother help him when he was working on a project. He did most of the heavy lifting and our job was to keep him in his efficiency-zone by handing him whatever tool he needed next, holding a board in place or plugging in a power tool.

While he taught us how to do things along the way and verbally asked us to hand him the next tool or piece of material he needed early on, over time we were expected to know what he needed next, to read his mind and be one step ahead of him as he worked.  This was also the way his dad, our grandfather worked.  My brother and I learned to either be savvy enough to know what was next in the project or intuit their next step.

We were experiencing non-verbal communication.  As the helpers we tuned-in to what was happening and kept track of the fast pace that activity was moving. We not only were tuned-in to whether a next tool was needed but if it was time to get dad a drink of water.

Practicing awareness of another through observation and intuitively tuning-in to foresee what they may need next was one of the languages of our family.  In the full throws of a project if we weren’t tuned-in it could mean someone got hurt or the rhythm or efficiency was broken. It also insured we didn’t get scolded for being lazy and not doing our part.

Reading or empathically feeling others emotions and translating that into what to do for them is one of the tricky areas where we can either be affirmed or taught to doubt ourselves in a family.  The nice thing about intuiting the material next steps of a ranch project is that it not as dicey of ground as intuiting someone’s emotions and knowing how to respond.

Our families subtly teach us how to use or disregard our intuition.  As we identify some of the ways this occurred in our life, we can use it to reclaim or further hone our intuitive awareness.

Well it Matter in 50 Years?

Natalie —  September 11, 2013 — 2 Comments

At times in life I notice I’m not putting my priorities in the right order. The tyranny of the urgent, whether it’s someone else’s request or something I expect of myself, has me neglecting what I know in my heart is most important… my physical/mental/spiritual health, the people I love, life balance. Two weeks ago my priorities were put to the test. I had a business trip lined up, meetings, airfare, hotel, rental car and my dad was being hospitalized for a blood transfusion with a mystery illness that had been wearing him down for six weeks with fever, fatigue, then stomach pain and lots of weight loss.  I live in Colorado, he lives in Oregon. I intuitively knew his life was in danger when I had seen him last but he was too feverish to realize it, besides no one in Urgent Care had expressed much worry about his progressive deterioration.

That Monday morning I was struggling with what to do, Dad was playing down how serious it was when I spoke with him on the phone.  Should I keep my work commitments or go be with my Dad who I knew was fighting for his life, without a diagnosis?  In the state of emotional stress I realized I needed support to follow through with my desire to drop everything and drive to Oregon. I texted a friend and asked if he would drive with me. When he said yes, I felt a huge relief and started taking action to cancel my business trip that was meant for the next day. As soon as it was decided a big wave of peace washed over me. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring but I knew that my priorities were right and I would have no regrets.

In moments of crisis, decisions can feel overwhelming and doing what we need to do feel impossible.  It seemed all the tools I had for centering, self-reflection and getting clear weren’t within reach.  I called on those who know me best to be my anchor and remind me not to doubt my intuition.  To ignore my dad’s “don’t worry,” to set aside my clients “I need the demonstration this week,” and choose what would bring peace for my soul.  I had to press beyond my fear of letting others down, be it family or business associates, and lean on the strength of friends.

At my technology job it was one of the worst possible times for me to need to redirect my energy to family. I reflected on the sage advice from my manager Bill at my first job after college, “Is it going to matter in 50 years? If not, don’t stress about it.”  In 50 years it would matter if I was there for my dad and it wouldn’t matter if I postponed my business trip.

When the time came to let work know my circumstances, I received 100% support from colleagues, clients and management.  I felt the grace of their understanding and acknowledgement that we are all human with needs that come before work.

After being quarantined and run through many tests, they discovered my dad had a parasite, one that kills 100,000 people a year and almost killed him, but is curable! What a relief that it was discovered in time.  And while he’s recovering, I’ve been able to be here at the family Ranch for more time than I thought would be possible for me this year; a blessing in disguise.  This is in a profoundly nurturing place for my soul.  I’ve also had time to spend with my mom and brother who are both facing different mystery health challenges, and witnessed many surprising layers of family healing.

I was reminded from this experience that when I feel confused and am struggling to get clear on my intuitive truth, it’s still there.  I just have too much emotion between me and it, to see it clearly. At those times I can call on the people who know me best to help me clear away the emotional-charge and get grounded enough to see.

My grandma doesn’t hear very well even with hearing aids, but if she’s tuned-in she knows what’s going on even from the other room.  This is especially true if you don’t want her to hear what you are saying! I noticed in a recent visit with her that I’d be thinking of something and she’d come in from the other room and answer my question or suggest we get milk at the grocery store, something I was about to mention.  Yet there are certain people in her life, her children in particular, that she has a harder time hearing than the rest of us.

Her physical sense of hearing doesn’t get temporarily worse and she’s demonstrated that where her hearing falls short she can make up for it with her intuition. But like many of us who are challenged by certain relationships in our lives, the unresolved energy between her and her children causes her to resist what they have to say. She can’t hear it and it has nothing to do with the volume, her ability or her intuition.  She’s blocked.

We figure out how to navigate our home environment using all six senses, first learning to intuitively read our parents before we understand verbal communication.  As adults, when we ask family members to engage in new levels of communication sometimes they just don’t get it and seem to sort of glaze over.  This happens in marriage and long-term friendships too.

We try to communicate in many different ways and find that it’s not getting through. Our friend or family member can’t hear us.  All approaches to expression fail to get the point across.  We might as well be speaking a different language given the lack of understanding or recognition.  And we wonder if our intuition is misleading us that something is amiss because our loved one doesn’t validate our experience with acknowledgment.  It’s frustrating.

What we are experiencing is a threshold of capacity in the person.  While it may seem that it is their choice not to hear us, it is more likely a spiritual or emotional block so deep that they can’t consciously make the choice.  We are trying to accomplish the impossible.  The only way to get past this block is for the person to have some form of healing breakthrough that opens them up to hearing. It can’t be forced and it will only happen if they seek out the shift for themselves.

When we’ve reached a point where it’s clear that nothing we say will get through.  Our best path is to turn our attention inward and begin clearing out the blocks in our own energy field.  In mediation, we visualize energy moving out of physical body such as rejection, resistance, judgment, frustration and any sense that we won’t be ok unless this person hears us. The energy can move into a rose or bubble then that object, as seen in our minds-eye is sent to a distant place to dissolve.

After we’ve cleaned out our aura body we feel lighter.  To complete the empowerment process we can visualize filling our space in with the sensations of having our needs met in relationship, of being heard, understood and accepted.  Then in the physical world, find a place where we can communicate our experience and be heard, acknowledged, even if that is in the privacy of our own journal.  We focus on building relationships where we are heard.