Archives For energy vampire

Throughout my life, I have often been a grounding support for those around me. In business, friendships, with lovers and family. While being grounded comes naturally, it has been an ongoing lesson to learn healthy energy exchange when helping someone I love through a rough spot. If you find yourself helping others too, you may relate to how it can throw your energy off balance.

Early in life, I learned through experience, that I had to help others around me be grounded and give them some of my energy so they could be available to care for my needs.

Grounding for someone meant I would give a part of my foundation (root chakra) to help them stabilize. Letting someone tap into my energy (solar plexus chakra) meant I would feel depleted and find myself spending time on things that weren’t important to me but made them feel better.

Later in life I learned that it wasn’t healthy to have others ground through me or tap into my energy. I learned to set my space and psychically show the person a grounding cord near their root chakra that they could have. rather than grounding through me. When aware of a cord into my energy, I would detach the energy cord from my solar plexus chakra and attach it to the Divine (God). These are loving tools.

My work with these tools and beliefs has helped me have better boundaries in helping others. And yet there was an aspect of my belief about helping others that wasn’t working for me anymore. It didn’t acknowledge the healthy way to help others ground and share my energy. And healthy reasons to do so.

My perception of what’s healthy or what works for me is shifting, or perhaps I’m just seeing it with a new level of clarity. With my sense of self-care solid from the healthier energetic boundaries, now I see that I can help others without losing my equilibrium. In fact, I have been and they don’t need to ground through me or take my energy.

I see it like holding a child’s bike seat lightly while they learn to balance. The child is pedaling forward and they are learning. They just need a little help to stabilize their momentum so they can get confident in their ability to ride.

This type of energy sharing support is short-term, like training-wheels, and does not get in the way of self-responsibility. On the other end of the spectrum is co-dependent help. Control that gets something out of being needed and doesn’t want to let go of the bike. A steadying hand does not steer the bike. It is the compassion, strength, stability we all need when the world gets rocky.

Giving of yourself by steadying a loved one’s balance until they can do it for themselves works when the energy exchange is reciprocal over time. In this way, they can remember how it feels and how to access it. This is grace, kindness, healthy help.

Healthy grounding and energy comes from the heart chakra rather than the root chakra or solar plexus. It is more than showing someone a tool. It’s actually assisting them with the experience during a challenging time (loss, trauma, change, life disruption). Allowing them to regain their equilibrium, without being sucked into additional suffering.

There is always a time for healthy help delivered with boundaries, love, kindness and compassion. The difference between grounding FOR someone and SUPPORTING someone so they can re-ground is a massively different energy exchange for both people involved. It holds your loved one lightly so they stay balanced and don’t fall farther out of touch with themselves. You can do this type of giving while staying balanced and empowered.

Judgment is a form of control used to move someone onto our agenda.  The silent or embedded message it carries says, “Your choice is not acceptable to me, so choose something different that I’m comfortable with.”  Energetically, judgment is an attempt to control our power center, the area just above the bellybutton (3rd chakra).  It knocks us off-center to give the judge the power position.  Or it allows them to hook into our energy and redirect it to their agenda.

Noticing how we respond to the energy of control attempts from judgments, allows us to strengthen our power by neutralizing the energy rather than getting knocked off-center by it.  Some common responses to judgment are self-inquiry, seeking approval, self-sabotage or over achievement.

Self-Inquiry – The natural first response to someone’s judgment is self-inquiry.  Is it true?  Depending on the relationship we have with the person, we may just assume it’s true. This can translate into thinking something is wrong with us.  Alternately it may be an opportunity to self-reflect, look at a dark corner in ourselves and decide if we want to keep feeding that aspect.  The key indicator here is what our body is telling us, do we feel out-of sorts; is our stomach a bit anxious?  Our body is our intuitions first barometer.

Seeking Approval – The most powerful people in our lives are the ones we love, second only to those in authority positions.  When we love someone it is natural to want their approval.  Even when we are just getting to know a person, we are determining their response to us and would like to be seen favorably.  Judgment comes from unconscious or conscious beliefs that require change of another’s behavior to in order for them to receive approval.  On the spirit level, when we alter what we know to be our truth in order to seek the approval of another, we are depleting our energy, giving a piece of ourselves away.  This is the energetic hook that can become a chronic vampire of our life-force if we continue to deny our truth in order to please others.

Self-Sabotage – Feeling judged can cause us to feel angry.  This anger is intended to show us our boundaries have been violated.  When we are act from the anger we respond one of two ways, self-sabotage or over compensation.  We may consciously say, “they are wrong.” But unconsciously believe the judgment and use our anger to propel us to some self-sabotaging behavior that proves them right.  This is an extreme example of judgment throwing us off-center.

Over Achievement – Alternately we may feel the need to prove the judge wrong by excelling our efforts toward success in the direction we’ve chosen.  This can be a form of competition energy or rebellion against the control. We have to demonstrate that we didn’t deserve the judgment through our success.

When we let judgment be the issue of the person judging by staying in our center, we retain our power.  We don’t let the outside energy influence us to think less of our self, seek approval, self-sabotage, over achieve or throw us out of balance.  We continue to be our true self rather than react in one of the other ways.

Reaction to judgment can actually be a catalyst that generates new experiences that we learn from whether through success or failure.  But if we change our course to respond to another’s judgment we are still changing course, which means we are on a less direct path to the life we want.

Being aware of the energy behind judgment and practicing mediation to stay in alignment with our truth, helps us strengthen our ability to remain centered in the face of judgment and control.  Then we are able to use the emotions we feel in response to being judged such as anger or uncertainty to set healthy boundaries, heal aspects of our self and even catapult us in a direction of our choosing.