Archives For communication

Whacks! Hurtful Words and the Energy Behind Them

Natalie —  October 24, 2012 — 2 Comments

I got a call recently from a client who had just received an energy whack from a family member.   Her cousin had sent an email that read, “Guess who I ran into?” with a photo of herself squeezing this woman’s ex-love tight.  Knowing there was a lingering heartbreak.  When my client received the email she felt wobbly, off-center, angry and hurt.  She wondered why her cousin would intentionally cause her pain.

Another friend experienced an energy whack last week by having her confidence betrayed.  The intention behind her words misconstrued then repeated to others.  It brought up feelings of self-doubt.  She asked herself, should I trust this person anymore? Why did I even say anything?

An energy whack can come in the form of words (verbal, text or email), direct or indirect actions that wound us.  The vibration behind the words is charged with judgment, control, anger, competition and/or punishment.  The unconscious agenda of a whack is to throw the receiver off balance, push them away, so the person delivering it can feel more in control of the situation or claim the power position, thus establishing an adjusted boundary.

An energy whack might be rooted in jealousy, harbored resentments, defensiveness, fear of failure or other unconscious psychological sources that have nothing to do with the recipient.  When we experience being whacked by someone, it can take us from a perfectly normal state into a state of confusion, anger, distraction or depression.  The deepest whacks often come from someone we are closest to.  We care more about their perspective and our heart is more open to them, therefore the impact is greater.

To reclaim our sense of balance after being whacked, we need to clear the harmful energy out of our space.  This simple visualization helps us reclaim our spiritual seniority:

  • Imagine a bubble suspended in the air in front of your body.
  • Notice where you are feeling physical tension from the energy whack you received.  Is it in your belly, your throat, your head or somewhere else?
  • Intend that the energy of the whack you received move out of your aura body into the bubble. You might want to name it by the emotions behind it (control, anger, punishment)
  • It may move fast or it may be sticky and take a while.  You’ll feel when it is complete by a release of the physical tension.
  • When the bubble is full of all of the whack energy, send it to a faraway place in your mind’s eye and watch it pop.
  • Then call your energy back to yourself from this person and the situation.  See yourself being filled up with the energy of your own essence flowing into the top of your head.

Whacks catch us off guard and can throw is in a tail spin.  We’ve all whacked others unconsciously and sometimes we even notice it happening as the words slip out of our mouth, wishing we could take them back.  The more we learn to be senior in our energy space the less impact whacks have on us.  We can see the root of the energy and be more neutral to it. The more neutral we are the less we get triggered by others toxic energy sent our way.

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Even Poop Can be Beautiful! Revealing Our Imperfections

Natalie —  March 28, 2012 — Leave a comment

I was reminded of the power of vulnerability at my book group this month. One woman shared a perceived failure, a self-judged imperfection and we all relaxed more deeply into our Self. The energy of the room opened up and became more connected. We each saw ourselves reflected, in the quiet moments where we are alone with our inner voice. We reached out to comfort the Self we saw in her. We held her with more compassion than we might hold ourselves.

We spend an immense amount of unconscious energy holding up the identity that we feel safe letting others see. The curious thing is that when we share our challenges, the less than shiny aspects of ourselves in healthy relationships, instead of activating the judgment of others, it invites them to love us more. They receive a signal that their own rough edges will be loved too. Suddenly there is new found safety in being a full-spectrum human being.

We all have experiences we count as failures, imperfections, things that don’t turn out the way we’d hoped, relationships, situations that got messy and we mired around in the muck. We weren’t our best. We should have known better, is what we tell ourselves. And we have periods of crisis that feel like about as much as one soul can handle, whether it’s external circumstances or an internal battle that stresses our life to the max.

Yet we still have to show up in our life. We can’t permanently take a vacation from everything and everyone to avoid being seen in the midst of it. The rough spots in the road of life evoke a deep sense of vulnerability. How much do we have to prop-up the Self that is doing “just fine,” or “great,” to the world while struggling in private?

It’s in the poop, the dirty, imperfect parts of our life that we learn the most. It busts us open and helps us grow. The discomfort stretches us. But unless we are a chronic complainer that drains the energy of everyone around with our misery, we generally hide these challenges from most of the world or save them for our closest loved ones. There is a reason for this. Our closest loved ones have established a known level of safety. We can live a richer life by allowing deeper vulnerability with more people in our lives. It literally shifts the energy of every future moment.

Our intuition helps us tune-in to supportive places and relationships in our lives to reveal our challenge. Simply giving a short but honest answer to the stranger who asks, “How are you?” allows them to admit their own full spectrum of emotion to themselves and have a better day with the relief of it… “It’s been a rough day but I’m hanging in.” This isn’t about dumping your shit on others, rather allowing the truth of you to be seen by another in a way that allows you both to relax into the present moment rather than faking it. This is how the poop gets beautiful. It’s the real, the true and the authentic Self revealed. The most beautiful state of existance.

Todays writing inspired by another wordpress blogger Getting At What Matters

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Can You Hear Me Now? Communication with Family

Natalie —  January 11, 2012 — 2 Comments

My grandma doesn’t hear very well even with hearing aids, but if she’s tuned-in she knows what’s going on even from the other room.  This is especially true if you don’t want her to hear what you are saying! I noticed in a recent visit with her that I’d be thinking of something and she’d come in from the other room and answer my question or suggest we get milk at the grocery store, something I was about to mention.  Yet there are certain people in her life, her children in particular, that she has a harder time hearing than the rest of us.

Her physical sense of hearing doesn’t get temporarily worse and she’s demonstrated that where her hearing falls short she can make up for it with her intuition. But like many of us who are challenged by certain relationships in our lives, the unresolved energy between her and her children causes her to resist what they have to say. She can’t hear it and it has nothing to do with the volume, her ability or her intuition.  She’s blocked.

We figure out how to navigate our home environment using all six senses, first learning to intuitively read our parents before we understand verbal communication.  As adults, when we ask family members to engage in new levels of communication sometimes they just don’t get it and seem to sort of glaze over.  This happens in marriage and long-term friendships too.

We try to communicate in many different ways and find that it’s not getting through. Our friend or family member can’t hear us.  All approaches to expression fail to get the point across.  We might as well be speaking a different language given the lack of understanding or recognition.  And we wonder if our intuition is misleading us that something is amiss because our loved one doesn’t validate our experience with acknowledgment.  It’s frustrating.

What we are experiencing is a threshold of capacity in the person.  While it may seem that it is their choice not to hear us, it is more likely a spiritual or emotional block so deep that they can’t consciously make the choice.  We are trying to accomplish the impossible.  The only way to get past this block is for the person to have some form of healing breakthrough that opens them up to hearing. It can’t be forced and it will only happen if they seek out the shift for themselves.

When we’ve reached a point where it’s clear that nothing we say will get through.  Our best path is to turn our attention inward and begin clearing out the blocks in our own energy field.  In mediation, we visualize energy moving out of physical body such as rejection, resistance, judgment, frustration and any sense that we won’t be ok unless this person hears us. The energy can move into a rose or bubble then that object, as seen in our minds-eye is sent to a distant place to dissolve.

After we’ve cleaned out our aura body we feel lighter.  To complete the empowerment process we can visualize filling our space in with the sensations of having our needs met in relationship, of being heard, understood and accepted.  Then in the physical world, find a place where we can communicate our experience and be heard, acknowledged, even if that is in the privacy of our own journal.  We focus on building relationships where we are heard.

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How We Express Our Intuition

Natalie —  November 22, 2011 — 2 Comments

My brother playing music with some friends

It is human nature to want to express our experiences, to be heard, seen and understood.  Every form of art is connected to this desire to express.  Musicians, painters, actors, writers, movie makers are all giving voice to an aspect of their experience in a creative way, exploring their light or shadow with words, role play, stories, color and sound.  The act of expression in-and-of-itself provides a sense of relief and comfort.  Without an audience we can express and still feel energy has been moved through writing in a journal or singing alone in the car.  It allows us to find peace or at least a feeling of forward movement.

The throat chakra is where we carry the energy of communication and expression.  Our relationship with expression can be hindered and altered due to the responses we receive from others and how we interpret them.  Our sixth sense intuitive awareness may have led us to express things as children that were outside of the comfort zone of adults.  We noticed an unspoken truth that the adults around us didn’t want to acknowledge and spoke up.  The response ranged from invalidation (being told we’re wrong) to punishment.

Through the experience of others discomfort with our expression we learn to control it, shut it down or present it in terms easier for people to handle.  If we grow up only getting attention for negative behavior we may learn to use our expression to intentionally make people uncomfortable.  This can result in self-sabotage, conflict and attracts negative energy from others.

Artistic expression is where we are granted permission to show the full spectrum of human experience from beauty to pain, without being directly judged.  A song about heartbreak, a painting that draws out the beauty of our environment, a poem that mysteriously hints at secrets one wouldn’t speak out loud, we accept and applaud.  Yet if the artist takes their conversation out of the art form and to the dinner table of life we suddenly become uncomfortable with the raw truth.

To get beyond the socially acceptable framework of art as a forum to express our full-spectrum of intuitive awareness, we have to revisit old wounds and remove the rules that were programmed into our behavior before we were conscious of our free will.  This means noticing when our throat or belly gets tight as a signal from our higher Self that we are holding onto something that may need to be to expressed.

As we notice these beliefs and automatic responses in our body and behaviors that aren’t in alignment, we can have an internal conversation with the information.  Ask our self, “What do I want to do as an adult with this awareness in this situation?” It may be enough to acknowledge that we need to physically leave, or we may notice it’s necessary for us to directly address some unspoken aspect between us and another person.  The more neutral and non-judging we can be in expression of our experience, the more powerfully it lands.

The power of our intuitive awareness is not in the knowing but in how it impacts our life.  When we pay attention to our inner-signals and speak up with those who we trust our inner-guidance has purpose.  We’ve all said in retrospect, “I had a feeling that person wasn’t trust worthy” but if we had communicated our awareness to a third party we trusted for reflection, it may have protected us from some harm.  Expressing our awareness gives our consciousness a place to land and mull over the insight. Expression allows the flow of energy generated in a given situation to continue uninhibited without getting bottled up or stuck. It grounds our relationships in the present moment.

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Transformational Energy of Synchronistic Connections

Natalie —  November 9, 2011 — Leave a comment

My desire for a spot close to the front of the airplane had me sit in a middle seat between two women on a fight home to Denver last week.  Expecting the usual, ignore the stranger next to you, behavior of business travel, I was surprised to immediately be in conversation with the woman sitting to my right.  I can’t even remember how the conversation started but it didn’t pause until we landed two hours later.  By then I had heard 72 years of stories, Naomi’s life in a nutshell, and more importantly witnessed her joyful perspective on life.

Her vibrant energy created a shift in me, revitalizing my sense of appreciation and possibility.  Inviting me to match the level of joy she lives in.  If I blur the lens of the words that passed between us, the pure vitality Naomi offered through her positive perspective was transformational.

Each of us radiates energy that is a combination of our natural essence, our beliefs and energies we’ve held onto that we’ve accumulated along the way.  Often we don’t notice our own energy, what we are presenting as a vibration to the world.  When our energy is clear of fearful beliefs more
of our natural essence shines and we attract energy that matches what we want in our lives. In order to experience the spark of inspiration that generates transformation we have to be available to human connection.

The most powerful insights can come from the perspectives of strangers. They have a fresh perspective, one we haven’t been exposed to before.  They don’t know our history and we are inclined to listen more closely to someone we just met.  Our awareness is heightened.

The type of connection I experienced with Naomi was wonderfully unexpected.  We can prepare ourselves to recognize these opportunities and be open to the transformational energy that is available through connection.  We prepare by taking time to align our vibration with our essence. Start in a meditative space:

  • Send a psychic “hello” to your essence, your soul, your authentic Self.  Allow your inner voice to ask if there are beliefs that are pulling you out of alignment with your essence?
  • Visualize those fears, disturbances and non-aligned energies moving out of your space into a bubble.  Watch the bubble float to a distant mountain top and pop, transforming the energy into a new form.  This makes more room for your own essence to expand.  You may want to repeat this with several different focus areas in your life. Where you are showing up with a certain identity, such as work, romantic relationship, friendship, health or creative practice.
  • Imagine a big golden ball of light hovering above your head.  In the center of that ball is a magnet calling your energy back to you from any places you have left it that you are ready to retrieve it from. Once the golden ball of light is full of your essence, in your minds-eye reach up and pop it.  See the energy of your essence flow down into you, filling in all the space that was opened when you moved out the non-aligned vibrations.

We naturally attract matching vibrations into our lives.  Sometimes we have the fortune of attracting a connection that wakes us up and elevates us to a new level of self-awareness.  I believe this happens when the person we encounter can see past our current state and notices our soul’s essence.   The practice of consciously setting our energy invites connections that are transformational.

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The Hazards of Reading Someone’s Mind

Natalie —  October 6, 2011 — 2 Comments

“You should know how I feel.”

The closer we are to a person the more we assume they will interpret and respond to our needs and desires without verbal communication.  It’s tempting to try to intuitively read other’s needs to reduce conflict in relationships but in doing so we enter hazardous territory.

Our first point of reference in any situation is how we would feel or experience it.  That is the root of why people expect others to know how they feel.  Those of us who are naturally intuitive first experienced reading others feelings and needs empathically (second chakra).  When we empathically read there’s a tendency to match the emotion which alters our clarity.

As we evolve our intuitive skills to a point of better boundaries, we move out of feeling a person and matching the energy, into a space of seeing (sixth chakra).  When seeing rather than feeling we are in a stronger position to provide support, if it is welcomed by the person in need.

Another hazard of reading someone’s needs and responding, rather than asking for direct communication, is identifying the source of truth we are seeing. Each human has four need centers:

  • body
  • mind (conscious or subconscious)
  • emotion/heart
  • soul/spirit

These aspects of Self are not always in agreement.  Our need centers perceive their yes/no with different priorities and filters.  The body may determine rest is the top priority while the mind and emotions override it with an agenda that they perceive is more important to complete before rest is allowed.  When we try to gauge this priority for someone else and respond to what we see, we come across as controlling rather than supporting what they know to be true for themselves.

In addition, when we read others without their permission, even if it is from a place of wanting to help, we are intruding on their psychic space.  That intrusion whether consciously noticed or not, creates discomfort for the person we are reading.  They feel outside energy in their space and find it harder to get clear on their own needs. They push back actively or passively to try to regain a sense of stability for themselves.

People we care about may insinuate they want us to read their minds or know what they need without us asking them, but when we do there are many potential land mines to navigate. Our best course of action is to communicate more than necessary when we sense someone needs something from us before we act.  And stay focused on keeping a clear awareness of our own needs so we can communicate them to those who support us.

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Who is that Inside My Head?

Natalie —  March 2, 2011 — Leave a comment

The January 2011 issue of Discover magazine presented results of research by neuroscientist Lauren Silbert that proved we can get inside someone’s head when they are communicating with us. Her study scanned brain activity determining that “among the most attentive listeners, key brain regions lit up before her words even came out, suggesting anticipation of what she would say next. ‘The more you anticipate someone, the more you’re able to enter their space.’ Siblert says.” Research now proves what psychics have long known to be true, as we engage with the people in our life, subconsciously we are communicating with non-verbal or spiritual energy mind-to-mind.  As we hone our intuitive awareness we want to clearly hear our inner-guidance, therefore it is important that our center-of-head space is free from outside influences.

The better we identify and remove the distortions of perception based on other people’s influence in our energy field, the greater clarity we gain.  This starts by owning our sixth chakra, the center of head space. The sixth chakra is where our intuition and analytical mind reside.  As science confirms, it’s normal for people to get in each other’s space through this chakra since it is the telepathic communication channel.  If a person pops-up in your mind unexpectedly, you can be sure they have energy in your space.  It is a subconscious way for the person to feel they have some insight into what might come next in the relationship by reading the other person. 

As part of the foundational meditation taught in psychic training we start every class with grounding our energy and cleaning out our sixth chakra.  There are a lot of fun ways to do this, all are forms of visualization.  With your eyes closed try one of these exercises.  Follow-up by filling-in that same space with your own energy:

  • See that center-of-head being sprayed clean with a fire hose
  • Watch everything that is not your energy get blown away by a high-powered fan
  • Put a slide at the edge and imaging all the energy that is not yours sliding down and out
  • Visualize a bubble outside of your aura collecting up all the energy that is not you, then send that bubble somewhere far away and pop-it. 

Through regularly cleaning out any energy in your center-of-head space that is not you and replacing that with your own vibration, you are able to more easily access your inner-guidance and trust it.

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Re-New Year Focus

Natalie —  December 29, 2010 — Leave a comment

From Blog Free Hugs: The Virus of Connection

The start of a New Year is an opportunity to reflect on what has been and set intentions for what will be.  We live in the present moment, but dreams and desires for the future create focus for our lives.  Without focus we are usually disappointed with the results of our efforts.  If our wish is to experience a greater sense of love and fulfillment, a focus on authentic connection with others will help us create it.  Last year around this time, I recognized a desire to communicate in relationships where I had been avoiding a topic because it felt uncomfortable to address.  My aim was to notice when I felt resistance to share my feelings, take a look at the discomfort and find a path, however imperfect it may be, to express what I was feeling. 

There were a few nagging situations where I was afraid to reveal myself, to show my vulnerability or risk a loved one’s disapproval, in order to express my experience and needs.  I knew that withholding this expression was blocking energy flow not just in the relationships but in my life overall.  These unspoken feelings subtly prevented me from being at ease with the person.  My old way of operating was to think through what I would say in advance.  The problem with this approach was that it was based on the past.  It didn’t leave room for me to be present for what I was feeling in the moment and it got in the way of true listening.  It also built up a big backlog of energy that, however softly delivered, had the potential to make the communication much more intense than it needed to be. 

As an empathic person since birth, I had a pattern of reading people’s receptivity, feeling it in my body, and pre-determining whether it was safe to share information.  It was a child’s survival mechanism that worked well before I had energy tools that created healthier boundaries.  I didn’t want to disturb the peace and therefore withheld my feelings if it seemed that the person would be upset.  Over a period of many months this year, opportunities presented themselves to practice a new way of communication.  I had to give up believing that I could determine the right thing to say beforehand.  I had to let go of the outcome.  I had to own my vulnerability and risk being rejected.  I had to accept that what I shared may not make the person feel good.  But most of all I had to re-train my inner child who was feeling for the other and denying my own feelings.  I had to give these intimate relationships a chance to meet the fully revealed me, rather than protect them from it.  It wasn’t easy but it was worth the effort. In every case it renewed our relationships, set them on more solid ground. 

My 2010 intention was born from desire to authentically relate with others.  I have found that true connection, seeing another and being seen, is the most fulfilling aspect in life.  We all yearn for this connection and unconsciously choose our actions based on our beliefs of how we can experience it.  We can deepen our intimacy with the one’s we love through letting go of the assumptions that we are doing someone a favor by protecting them from the truth of our experience. When our aim is to generate love we can’t fail.

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Intuitive Detective

Natalie —  May 12, 2010 — Leave a comment

I recently watched the movie Sherlock Holmes (2009) and was intrigued by how Holmes was portrayed as an intuitive.  His observations went beyond a keen eye for detail to solve a crime, revealing information one cannot detect with the five senses.  One scene in particular I found to be a perfect example of several aspects I have experienced as an intuitive.  He is invited to meet his partner Dr Watson’s fiancée Mary over dinner and is very resistant to losing his friendship to this woman.  When Mary pushes Holmes to tell her what he “sees” in her, he refuses but upon her prodding agrees.  His revelations of her past at first seem innocent then touch on the more tender aspect of a past love loss.  She reacts to his heartless approach by tossing a glass of wine in his face and stomps out of the restaurant.

This scene beautifully demonstrates the complex motivators and responses one can experience when sharing intuition.  The first skill Holmes models is respect of others by confirming their approval to be seen, he only read Mary with her permission and insistence.  In his detective work the permission to read comes from righting-a-wrong by revealing hidden information used to harm people.  Second, his personal agenda got in the way.  He was jealous and concerned that Watson’s relationship was changing the routine they enjoyed as partners in solving crime.  He used the opportunity to create conflict for his friend by delivering the information from a point of judgment rather than neutrality.  This heartless approach was hurtful to Mary.  While Mary acknowledged his read was perfectly accurate she responded by lashing out from her pain.  A glass of wine in Holmes face accompanied by an energetic whack was the punishment for speaking information that was outside of her comfort zone.  Holmes’ intent to create a divide between Mary and Dr Watson backfired and instead created a divide between himself and Watson, who felt inclined to protect the woman he loved from pain.

In such a short scene we are shown how important it is to check our intention before we deliver information even when it is asked for or demanded from someone in our life.  Holmes demonstrates overtly seeking permission to avoid disrespect of a person’s privacy by reading them against their will.   Throughout the movie Holmes expresses his lack of belief in magic and proves that the supposed magic being performed by the villain is simply many cases of creating illusion, manipulation of perception psychologically, with money or science.  Yet Holmes uses intuition in his detective work, tapping into non-scientifically proven sixth-sense awareness.  By doing so he validates intuitive information as part of the material world not the mystical one.

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To See and Be Seen

Natalie —  April 7, 2010 — Leave a comment

When someone sees you for who you truly are it feels like a ray of morning sun on your face.  We all want to be seen and accepted without judgment.  It is rare to find a person who can see us for who we are without their projections intruding into that view.  As infants we receive a form of unconditional love from our mother.  We have yet to do anything intentionally to warrant her disapproval.  We are her creation and she is proud of that.  As we grow we explore and test the environment we are in.  Curiosity drives us to take risks that may not receive the approval of our care takers.   We begin to understand and be shaped by the responses of those whose approval we desire. 

Inside is the authentic Self that yearns to be loved and approved of by those we desire to share love with.  We can connect with others in a real and loving way by striving to be more neutral to the aspects of their character that are different from our own.  That does not mean denying the existence of our judgments.  It means looking at what formed them.  They are an indicator of an area where healing is available to us.  The more we take responsibility for our own projections onto others, the greater freedom we gain.  Less of what they do disturbs us.  We are able to look at it and be grateful for the reminder of our own humanity.  We are able to have more compassion on ourselves. 

Neutrality is one of the most powerful tools available to our intuitive truth.  Without it we run the risk of not seeing clearly.  When we carry emotions like guilt, obligation, judgment, pain or fear we adjust our information in response to a projected desirable outcome.  Neutrality is about taking the energetic charge off of a perception, releasing the need to control others.  Letting it be okay for them to be where they are at.  Neutrality does not assume a lack of compassion or empathy.  It doesn’t prevent you from having opinions about issues or experiences.  What it does is free you from your resistance and blocks to seeing the truth.  By giving others the gift of your neutrality you are able to see them and hopefully they will be able to come closer to truly seeing you.  Namaste (the light in me sees the light in you).

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