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I often get into conversations with parents of sensitive kids who don’t know how to help.  They were never given the tools to manage their own sensitivity or they don’t have the same sort of sensitivity. I was a sensitive kid.

Some people are simply born with more sensitivity to the energies around them. They have natural empathy, feeling what others feel. And frequently get drained, overstimulated or emotional in response to their surroundings.  They don’t yet know how to recognize when what they are feeling is not their feelings, or how to create healthy boundaries.  Sensitivity has two main roots:

  1. Nature
  2. Trauma

Trauma based sensitivity is a result of conditioning. Many highly sensitive people had childhood trauma. Their sense of safety required heightened alertness, “reading” people in order to minimize abuse or manage stress. A survival skill to navigate home life or societal traumas such as war.

I’ve recently identified a new branch on the trauma root that previous generations did not experience. Sensitive children conditioned by the stress of over stimulation. Constant stimulation has particularly deep impact on developing minds.

What we experience in childhood sets the baseline for normal throughout life.  Trauma that heightens sensitivity doesn’t have to be first hand.  Frequent exposure to unpredictable violence through the media can traumatize a child. Make them feel unsafe at school or other environments where a sense of safety was previously the norm. How a child learns to manage it shapes their life forever.

My parents were sensitive too. Like most of us they were taught or found ways to suppress their sensitivity when it got too uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways we suppress sensitivity:

  • Substances that alter our state of sensitivity, from coffee to alcohol or pharmaceuticals
  • Checking-out, habits that detach us from feeling, TV, internet, video games
  • Staying busy, not allowing enough time to process experiences
  • Eating for comfort
  • Using the mind to deny what one senses

Now that you understand a bit more about the roots of sensitivity and how it is typically suppressed, what can you do to help yourself or your sensitive child?

The first step is to shift from thinking sensitivity is bad. Sensitivity is heightened awareness. It is a skill. Even a gift when we get comfortable with it. Getting comfortable with it is the tricky part.

Second, you learn to notice when it’s happening and identify it as something you are experiencing in response to your environment rather than your own emotions or thoughts. To do this ask yourself or ask your child to ask themselves a few questions:

What do I feel? Is it “my” feeling? Is it something I feel around me? What or who around me is feeling like this?

This begins the process of getting clear on what you sense that is your energy and what isn’t your energy that you feel in your environment.

Once you know that something you feel is not yours, you are free to consciously give your Self space from it. You can do this by visualizing the emotion, thought or physical sensation moving into a rose or a pretty rock. Somewhere separate from your body. As you are practicing you might want to have a clean-out rock or crystal that you use for this and periodically soak it in water with Epsom salts to clear the energy.

Over time your awareness of the sources of your sensitivity becomes clearer and your ability to separate from the energy that isn’t yours is a habit. Then you will experience your sensitivity as a tool or a gift to help you navigate life.

The magic of sensitivity is revealed when you are not suppressing it, turning it off or denying it but can see it as valuable information. Then you are free to apply the understanding to your choices in a given situation.

Throughout my life, I have often been a grounding support for those around me. In business, friendships, with lovers and family. While being grounded comes naturally, it has been an ongoing lesson to learn healthy energy exchange when helping someone I love through a rough spot. If you find yourself helping others too, you may relate to how it can throw your energy off balance.

Early in life, I learned through experience, that I had to help others around me be grounded and give them some of my energy so they could be available to care for my needs.

Grounding for someone meant I would give a part of my foundation (root chakra) to help them stabilize. Letting someone tap into my energy (solar plexus chakra) meant I would feel depleted and find myself spending time on things that weren’t important to me but made them feel better.

Later in life I learned that it wasn’t healthy to have others ground through me or tap into my energy. I learned to set my space and psychically show the person a grounding cord near their root chakra that they could have. rather than grounding through me. When aware of a cord into my energy, I would detach the energy cord from my solar plexus chakra and attach it to the Divine (God). These are loving tools.

My work with these tools and beliefs has helped me have better boundaries in helping others. And yet there was an aspect of my belief about helping others that wasn’t working for me anymore. It didn’t acknowledge the healthy way to help others ground and share my energy. And healthy reasons to do so.

My perception of what’s healthy or what works for me is shifting, or perhaps I’m just seeing it with a new level of clarity. With my sense of self-care solid from the healthier energetic boundaries, now I see that I can help others without losing my equilibrium. In fact, I have been and they don’t need to ground through me or take my energy.

I see it like holding a child’s bike seat lightly while they learn to balance. The child is pedaling forward and they are learning. They just need a little help to stabilize their momentum so they can get confident in their ability to ride.

This type of energy sharing support is short-term, like training-wheels, and does not get in the way of self-responsibility. On the other end of the spectrum is co-dependent help. Control that gets something out of being needed and doesn’t want to let go of the bike. A steadying hand does not steer the bike. It is the compassion, strength, stability we all need when the world gets rocky.

Giving of yourself by steadying a loved one’s balance until they can do it for themselves works when the energy exchange is reciprocal over time. In this way, they can remember how it feels and how to access it. This is grace, kindness, healthy help.

Healthy grounding and energy comes from the heart chakra rather than the root chakra or solar plexus. It is more than showing someone a tool. It’s actually assisting them with the experience during a challenging time (loss, trauma, change, life disruption). Allowing them to regain their equilibrium, without being sucked into additional suffering.

There is always a time for healthy help delivered with boundaries, love, kindness and compassion. The difference between grounding FOR someone and SUPPORTING someone so they can re-ground is a massively different energy exchange for both people involved. It holds your loved one lightly so they stay balanced and don’t fall farther out of touch with themselves. You can do this type of giving while staying balanced and empowered.

For many years I’ve traveled frequently for business, staying at hotels. A room may look physically clean, but be littered with the energy of prior guests! To insure I sleep well and don’t pick up any unwanted energy a guest has left behind, I set the space of the room to my vibration.

You can too! I share the visualization steps below.

This is helpful when you are staying at a friend or family member’s home too. It will help you sleep better. Setting the energy of a space is not taking it over. It leaves the space cleaner than when you found it.

I was reminded of the importance of this when I visited a spiritually tuned-in friend in Taos, New Mexico over the Memorial Day weekend. The first night as I lay down to sleep, I automatically started my space setting visualization. I noticed the energy in the room was uncomfortable with my attempt to set the space and figured it was because I was staying in a home of a powerful spiritual woman who set her space intentionally.

Still I didn’t sleep well. There was a shaky energy I felt in the room that kept me from true restfulness.

The next morning as I soaked in the gentle spring sun while writing, I felt that shakiness again. Since I was sitting outside of the house it was easier see the source. I saw an old Indian woman, heavy-set and draped in many layers of clothes. She wrote codes of spiritual protection into the thick walls of the adobe house. Yet she came from a time much older than the structure.

I psychically saw that the magic had been set on the dirt that was used to make the adobe bricks for the walls. Her codes were written to destabilize the energy of an enemy. Thus the shakiness I felt. It was a form of protection for her tribe and the land.

My hostess also noticed that over the course of living in this home her voice had become periodically shaky without a physical explanation. With permission from my hostess, I used spiritual tools to end the agreement between the code maker and dirt that was used to build the house. That night I was able to set the space in the guest room to my vibration and slept perfectly.

When you visit family, friends, travel for work, on vacation or simply want to reset the sleep space in your own bedroom, take these three steps to have a more restful sleep.

  1. Visualize a red rose in the center of the room that is as tall as you are, with the blossom of the rose as big as a stop sign.
  2. See eight golden cords with one end connected to the blossom of the rose, four connected to each of the top corners of the room by the ceiling and four connected tow the bottom corners of the room by the floor. If there are more than four corners add more gold cords.
  3. Intend that the rose and gold cords hold this space for you while you are in it. Claim the space as clear of outside energies and in present time. You can include other loved ones sharing the space with you in this intention.

For extra credit, visualize a big pitcher full of your own special cocktail of energies you would like to experience while staying in this space (rest, peace, happiness, comfort, playfulness, etc.). Then imagine poring the magical energy into the room from above, filling it up with all those good vibrations. The new intention overrides energy that was in the space before you arrived.

Sweet dreams and safe travels intuitive journeyers!

There are junctures in life, transitions that are a natural part of development or made by choice, that indicate a soul agreement change is an order. A parent-child relationship evolves to parent-adult, when the child grows up.  Commitments made in a marriage end at the death of one partner or with a divorce. As I covered in an earlier blog post, the soul agreement goes beyond the psychological shift and change of physical circumstance.

In cases where there isn’t a clear relationship transition, it’s not as obvious that an update is in order. In a marriage of 30 years the agreement isn’t the same as it was at 5 years of marriage, yet aspects can be stuck in the original agreement.  Here are a few clues to help you identify where you can benefit from changing your soul agreements.

When you repeatedly think about a past experience or have a mental conversation with a person who is not present.  This is a person or situation with which you need to update your agreement.  The conversation in your head kicks-in frequently when you relax and are not focused on a task.  And sometimes it even disrupts something else you were thinking about or doing.

If you feel frustrated, dis-empowered or “off” from the persistent distracting thoughts, you might find yourself pushing the person away in your mind saying, “Leave me alone!”  The disruption has purpose. It’s happening to let you know something is unresolved, that you need to release, shift or directly communicate in a relationship.

Another way you can know a relationship soul agreement needs to be updated is when you feel angry about expectations from a person that you don’t want to be required to fulfill. This anger helps you notice that you need to revise your boundary in the agreement. When an agreement is in need of update it often has low vibration emotions attached to it like guilt, shame, abandonment, judgment or control.

For example, you feel guilty for saying “no” to someone when they ask you to do something you’ve always done for them at work, like schedule a meeting for a group of people. Your job has changed and you are no longer in the position where that is part of the agreement. You need to set a new boundary and update your agreement to match the new role so others don’t continue to expect you to do things that were part of your old position.

In another case, you may have an agreement to listen to a friend when they have had a bad experience. They want to dump their pain or anger to feel better. And you’ve signed up through your choice to listen. You may have a sense of guilt for abandoning them in their suffering if you don’t listen. Yet every time you have a conversation where you get emotionally dumped on, you feel worse and your friend feels better. They may even thank you for being a good friend. The benefit of changing or ending an agreement like this is that it allows you to have your own experience, rather than getting thrown “off” or drained by their emotions and upset.

In summary, the primary signals that a relationship soul agreement is ready to be updated:

  • A relationship has clearly changed (end of job, romantic partnership)
  • A relationship has changed over time but the person is not honoring the change
  • A relationship drains your energy
  • You experience distracting or dis-empowering thoughts of the person
  • You feel negative emotions about something that used to be okay for you in a relationship

Life brings us waves of energy experiences.  Some of those waves are gentle, lapping at the shore of our lives, supporting our centeredness. The bigger waves pound the shore, encroaching on our space, while the occasional full on tsunami pull us out into a churning sea of energy that feels overwhelming.  It is these tides that come in and encroach on our space, or pull us into their force that can make us forget our way back to center. We get so caught up in the energy around us and feeling its stressful, out-of-sorts vibration that we don’t access our tools for resetting our life and energetic boundaries.

I recently was caught up in a tsunami of energy, gale force winds colliding from several directions. During this time I was able to use my psychic tools for my clients, helping them see clearly, moving energy out of their space that wasn’t theirs, removing blocks to moving forward in their lives. But I lost touch with accessing these tools for myself.  I noticed a specific area of my life where I had a block, but I was so triggered by this deep old belief, that I couldn’t break free. I’d been inconsistent in my daily practice of setting my intentions and was struggling when I tried to fully clean energy out of my aura that wasn’t mine or call my own scattered energy back to myself.

On a short trip away from home and vacation from work, I got enough space from the tsunami of energy that had engulfed me to break through and re-claim my center. It wasn’t easy, but I was determined to see this block. I called on my spiritual help, in the form of what I call my spiritual board of directors, a collective of supportive spiritual helpers, archangels and ascended masters. I asked them to bind the energy that was churned up in my life, preventing my clarity. 

I asked to see clearly what my part was in allowing the disruptive energy into my life, what needed to heal or shift in me to re-claim my inner peace.  I started by using the practices of clearing energy out of my aura that wasn’t serving me. Then I looked and listened for guidance.  When it came it was so obvious, yet very hard to look at in myself; a sobering belief that was not serving me about others and myself. The belief was keeping a, supposedly safe distance between me and my most intimate relationship, really keeping me from getting hurt by getting too close emotionally.

I claimed my power to erase that belief system, requesting spiritual help in its release. The first step is seeing clearly, and then we have to claim our seniority to change our experience through intention and through action. Once this false belief was lifted the waves pounding on the shore of my life kept churning but I had my inner-peace and accessing my tools was no longer a challenge.

 

Maintaining my center in the face of waves that were pounding the shore of my life was easier when I returned home.  Sometimes we need to give ourselves a little physical distance from the areas of our lives where the waves are encroaching. That physical distance, and assistance from our spiritual guides, provides the breathing room to reclaim our center.

 

In times of intensity, self-care always seems to fall to the bottom of the list. A simple morning routine of journaling, walking and centering meditation gets overtaken with sleep to make up for the prior days late night. A series of long overly-full days in which everything that was expected of me didn’t get done.  The day starts off without inner-alignment and quickly progresses to the state of too much to do and too little time.

Without filling my physical and spiritual cup I have little to offer in the face of other’s needs.  As I neglect my own needs, saying yes when I should say no, expecting myself to do more than can be done in the time available, I begin to have negative thoughts, resentments of the things that normally bring me fulfillment.

In a moment of self-reflection, I decided to reclaim my commitment to self-care with my own version of Timothy Leary’s famous advice, “Turn on, tune in and drop out.”

  • Turn On my psychic tools to navigate the demanding energies.
  • Tune In to my intuitive guidance.
  • Drop Out by consciously detaching from expectations and demands that don’t serve me.

Even if I don’t have time for the morning routine that sets my energy for the day, I turn on my tools in the midst of my day to create healthy energetic boundaries with demands and put life’s various choices in a healthier balance. Prioritizing my own health and inner-peace, and making time for me.  This means that I notice when other people’s energy is in my space creating expectations that aren’t balanced and consciously see myself move their energy out of my vibrational field.  I also use my tools to mock-up or imagine support and the sense of ease in an experience.  Energetically I “own” my space, acknowledging that others also get to own their space too but not mine.

With my space cleared of energy that’s not mine, I tune in to my truth. Pay attention to what I believe and want. I direct my actions, thoughts and emotions toward creating the experience I want, rather than going along with the fears or designs of others.  Tuning in can help me see whether those I’m interacting with are being honest with me and themselves.  It gives me direction when I’m facing alternatives.  Allowing me to make choices that take me down a path that is aligned with my highest good.

Having used my energy tools to create space and hear my intuitive guidance, I become more neutral to the demands of others, thus I drop out of the prevailing fear that drives the collective of humanity to stress and over-extend, compromising health and inner-peace to survive.  I choose a different truth and find that when I do what I have committed to, in a balanced way, I enjoy it and even succeed in all of the aspects of living.

In every moment, while on a phone call, walking to my car from the store, pumping gas, sitting on a flight or making dinner I can access support simply by intending it.  In the blink of an eye my entire experience shifts when I turn on my psychic tools and see that there is energy in my space which is not mine. Demands, expectations, needs, and deadlines that I feel pressured by.   Some I may have to comply with, some I don’t. When I notice my choice, I give myself some space. I re-gather my energy, tune in to my inner-guidance and have greater access to knowing what I want and need.  It helps to visualize it, see the demand energy move out of my body into a bubble and float to a faraway place.

The final step of drop out is a point of empowerment through neutrality. Letting go of the stress that comes with needing to control the future or comply with others belief systems when they differ from my own. By detaching from the beliefs that allow the demand to control me or harness my energy and direct it toward an agenda, I reclaim my power to create the life I want.

Connection is essential to feeling loved. We chase away loneliness when we choose to reach out to connect with people in the simplest of ways, eye contact, a smile, touch or an honest share of our feelings.  Connections make life meaningful; contribute to our sense of belonging and feeling seen.

In December I was reflecting on past holidays as I decided what I wanted to create for my own experience.  On one side of my family, I looked forward to being together because there was connection. We connected through conversation, music, crafts, games and sharing a meal.  On the other side of my family, holidays weren’t negative but gathering together was sort of mundane.  Family members didn’t know how to connect.  It didn’t seem anyone looked forward to spending time together.  People went through the motions of preparing a meal and opening gifts because that’s all they knew. It felt lonely even within a group of people I loved.

Love and connection is a two-way street.  It requires two participants to be willing, interested and open to revealing themself.  It can be vulnerable and not always comfortable to connect.  Reaching out to connect can be misinterpreted because people have different points of reference. We may be distrusted, seen as intrusive or manipulative based on the recipient’s experiences/projections or if our energy comes from a place of neediness. More powerful than our resistance to trust connecting with others is the essential need we all have to be seen and accepted for who we truly are, to be loved and validated for our essence without contingencies.

Connection in current culture requires some effort and intention.  Our worlds aren’t designed to be inter-dependent, rather independent.  We are taught to be self-reliant and not ask too much from others.  We are taught distrust of strangers.  A sense of community has to be sought out and is no longer organically part of our cultural experience.

There is so much constantly happening around us that we often either let the vibration of our environment direct our feelings or find ways to check-out to tolerate it.  The habit of maintaining a certain degree of distance in operating in the world, to keep our energetic sanity, also deprives us of the vitality offered through connections.  Connections can only be fulfilling and sustainable if they come with healthy energetic boundaries.

Connection can be as simple as looking someone in the eye and smiling as we pass them by. Acknowledging them, seeing them rather than leaving them in the periphery of our experience. No matter what I am doing, if I feel connected, whether it is to a person, an animal, nature or God, I experience life as very rich and fulfilling.

When I notice myself feeling lonely or wondering about life’s meaning, I ask myself, how can I connect in a way that brings me into greater alignment with myself?  What can I offer in the connection so it is balanced and mutually beneficial? When I reach out to connect, my energy always shifts in a positive way.  My spirit drops deeper into my body. I relax, feel more peaceful and purposeful.

I got a call recently from a client who had just received an energy whack from a family member.   Her cousin had sent an email that read, “Guess who I ran into?” with a photo of herself squeezing this woman’s ex-love tight.  Knowing there was a lingering heartbreak.  When my client received the email she felt wobbly, off-center, angry and hurt.  She wondered why her cousin would intentionally cause her pain.

Another friend experienced an energy whack last week by having her confidence betrayed.  The intention behind her words misconstrued then repeated to others.  It brought up feelings of self-doubt.  She asked herself, should I trust this person anymore? Why did I even say anything?

An energy whack can come in the form of words (verbal, text or email), direct or indirect actions that wound us.  The vibration behind the words is charged with judgment, control, anger, competition and/or punishment.  The unconscious agenda of a whack is to throw the receiver off balance, push them away, so the person delivering it can feel more in control of the situation or claim the power position, thus establishing an adjusted boundary.

An energy whack might be rooted in jealousy, harbored resentments, defensiveness, fear of failure or other unconscious psychological sources that have nothing to do with the recipient.  When we experience being whacked by someone, it can take us from a perfectly normal state into a state of confusion, anger, distraction or depression.  The deepest whacks often come from someone we are closest to.  We care more about their perspective and our heart is more open to them, therefore the impact is greater.

To reclaim our sense of balance after being whacked, we need to clear the harmful energy out of our space.  This simple visualization helps us reclaim our spiritual seniority:

  • Imagine a bubble suspended in the air in front of your body.
  • Notice where you are feeling physical tension from the energy whack you received.  Is it in your belly, your throat, your head or somewhere else?
  • Intend that the energy of the whack you received move out of your aura body into the bubble. You might want to name it by the emotions behind it (control, anger, punishment)
  • It may move fast or it may be sticky and take a while.  You’ll feel when it is complete by a release of the physical tension.
  • When the bubble is full of all of the whack energy, send it to a faraway place in your mind’s eye and watch it pop.
  • Then call your energy back to yourself from this person and the situation.  See yourself being filled up with the energy of your own essence flowing into the top of your head.

Whacks catch us off guard and can throw is in a tail spin.  We’ve all whacked others unconsciously and sometimes we even notice it happening as the words slip out of our mouth, wishing we could take them back.  The more we learn to be senior in our energy space the less impact whacks have on us.  We can see the root of the energy and be more neutral to it. The more neutral we are the less we get triggered by others toxic energy sent our way.

Lake Austin Dock

I was at a local watering hole on the shore of Lake Austin last week, with a co-worker and some of his friends.  The topic of my hearts work, clairvoyant reading, came up in conversation. As has happened many times in my life, my colleagues curiosity set off a peppering of questions, doubts and a challenge. How is it possible to do that?  Prove it!

I was in my last two days of taking a month off from seeing clairvoyant clients to allow spiritual renewal for myself.  Austin was icing on the cake, full of inspiration, a city after my own heart, where you can take a “sweaty yoga” class from 10:30 pm till midnight on Friday night.  It was perfect timing to have my soul’s vocation questioned.

When my commitment to intuitive seeing and healing was affronted with a demand “read me now!” it was tempting to put a wall up, resist the intrusion, just say NO. But I found myself closing my eyes in a packed open-air bar asking my colleague to say his name three times, and then ask me a question.

Explaining the way I see doesn’t energetically answer the question of what it means to be a psychic who doesn’t read the future, rather reads what is blocking people at a soul level from creating what they want in life to help them heal.  Understanding it is more experiential than analytical. When I opened my eyes after 10 minutes of witnessing his soul, moving energy and being in the meditative state, I felt great.  I looked at my colleague and his entire countenance had shifted.  He was softer, had opened-up and no longer doubted. He was still curious but not demanding.

One of the root lessons in my spiritual path has been learning to have healthy boundaries around my sense of intuitive awareness.  Healthy boundaries includes taking time off to renew, saying “no” when we need to, not violating a person’s boundaries by psychically reading them without their consent.  It also means learning to not automatically empathically feel everyone around you and avoiding the temptation heal people who haven’t asked for it.  It means, distinguishing what energy is me and my experience, and what is yours and your experience.

As an intuitive our nature is to sense what is beyond the five senses in the environment around us.  It can be tricky not to take that sense of awareness too far by taking the information personally when it has nothing to do with us.  Or by matching it so deeply we mistake the emotional energy or physical pain as our own.

I responded to my colleagues demand to “prove it” because I felt relaxed, spontaneous and willing to share this part of myself with someone authentically curious.  I also wanted to observe myself reading with permission in the cacophony of a crowded bar and feel safe doing it.  As a younger woman I did not have the trust in spiritual protection to hold my space in that environment.

We all experience intuition in slightly different forms.  Some see images, some hear the voice of guidance, others feel sensations in the physical body, or prophetically see a specific future potential as destined.  Regardless of how we know what we know, there is not a need to prove it to anyone.  Our intuition is a gift of Divine guidance to help us through our personal experiences.

When we share that information with others as a professional we will occasionally be challenged by clients or strangers.  This challenge comes to strengthen our seniority in what we know. The less we doubt the validity of what we see, the more we can smile and be amused when others challenge us with their doubts.

Work energy is great to access at the appropriate times but it puts a damper on warm connections with loved ones and can override our personal needs, the true juice of a joyful life.  Shifting our lead energy vibration between work and non-work time can be difficult. There is pleasure derived from certain aspects of the work and it takes our focus off of other aspects of life we have less control over. Our focused, productive analytical Self is “on” and were getting things done but how do we change the tone when the work day is done?

Today I was reminded of the unspoken lesson that Mister Rogers reinforced at the beginning of each TV program.  He walked in the door of his home, took off his suit jacket and put on a cardigan.  Then he changed out of his professional shoes and into sneakers.  All while singing!  He ritualistically shifted gears as soon as he got home, to a focus on relaxation, connection and playfulness.

In addition to changing our clothes or moving into a new environment, we can consciously change the volume of certain vibrations of energy in our space.  Visualizing an imaginary gauge in front of us to make adjustments, like a fuel gauge reads empty to full, the needle can show us how full our space is of a specific energy.  Is our analyzer on 75%, decision maker at 50%, income earner and task oriented Self at 100%? What about our creative energy, curiosity, sensuality, adventurousness?

At the start of a work day we turn up those energies that will be helpful to in getting our work done.  At the end of the day imagine turning them down and turning up the volume of the vibrations you want to experience while not working.  You may also want to visualize the energy from all of your work encounters and activities moving out of your space into a balloon and either tie the string holding that energy balloon somewhere to retrieve later when needed or set it free to move out of your aura field, leaving a cleaner space for your next focus.

I’m applying the Mister Rogers principle to consciously shift my energy from work to personal time… won’t you join me?  Turn down the analytical, achievement oriented business vibration and turning up the creative, nurturing, permission to relax vibration at the end of your work day.