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Soul contracts or relationship agreements have a heavy influence on our experience of attraction and attachment. When we have a relationship agreement or soul contract with someone we find ourselves drawn to them and may not understand why. We just know that something strong is pulling us to connect.
Attraction is a combination of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. The enduring connections combine all aspects aligned for both parties. When one party experiences a significantly stronger attraction than the other and the relationship doesn’t take root or roots itself in shallow soil.
Sexual connections with someone we have a soul contract with can be expansive, crack us open and leave us wanting more. The momentary energetic oneness stirs up all that our souls have known together. It can be both ecstatic and excruciating. Beyond the primal physical and psychological aspects of our mating game, what is it that hooks us in? Why might one person think its love and the other not?
When we have a soul contract with someone, a promise we’ve made in this life or a past lifetime, both parties don’t always see the agreement the same context. It may be there is a debt owed from incomplete karma. Or our promise was to show-up to remind the other person of something they asked us to remind them of, even if it doesn’t feel so loving when we deliver the message.
Our messenger may arrive when we aren’t in a good place to receive the message or they may not relay the message in a form we comprehend. We may react, stir the pot with awareness that isn’t fully informed, and create more karma with each other rather than healing or competing past unresolved energies.
We may feel like we’ve known the person forever although we just met. We might feel an irrational sense of attraction when we have nothing in common; or an unexplainable sense of attachment after a short encounter. These are not just psychological or physical responses. There is a layer of spiritual activity a play.
When both parties are present to the possibility of the soul contract, healing and growth is heightened. A powerful aspect of self-responsibility comes when we own our ability to update our relationship agreements rather than be at the whim of whatever comes.
If you have a soul contract you are ready to update to present time you can do this by going into your mediation space and visualizing the relationship agreement with the particular person, the contract:
- See the details or general aspects of the agreement and choose what parts you would like to keep which parts you are ready to release.
- Imagine the parts that are outdated being crossed off the contract.
- Send the request through your intention to the soul of the other person.
- Sign the new contract with your mark, to make it real.
- Put it in an imaginary bubble and ask the Supreme Being to bless it.
- Ask your Akashic record keeper to record a copy of the new agreement and to give a copy to the other person’s record keeper.
If the relationship is very deep and influential you may need outside help from a professional clairvoyant healer to see clearly the aspects of the relationship that need to be adjusted. Romantic relationships, love and sex are powerful influencers in the human experience. Honor that power with your positive intentions and give yourself grace for the healing process.
My grandma doesn’t hear very well even with hearing aids, but if she’s tuned-in she knows what’s going on even from the other room. This is especially true if you don’t want her to hear what you are saying! I noticed in a recent visit with her that I’d be thinking of something and she’d come in from the other room and answer my question or suggest we get milk at the grocery store, something I was about to mention. Yet there are certain people in her life, her children in particular, that she has a harder time hearing than the rest of us.
Her physical sense of hearing doesn’t get temporarily worse and she’s demonstrated that where her hearing falls short she can make up for it with her intuition. But like many of us who are challenged by certain relationships in our lives, the unresolved energy between her and her children causes her to resist what they have to say. She can’t hear it and it has nothing to do with the volume, her ability or her intuition. She’s blocked.
We figure out how to navigate our home environment using all six senses, first learning to intuitively read our parents before we understand verbal communication. As adults, when we ask family members to engage in new levels of communication sometimes they just don’t get it and seem to sort of glaze over. This happens in marriage and long-term friendships too.
We try to communicate in many different ways and find that it’s not getting through. Our friend or family member can’t hear us. All approaches to expression fail to get the point across. We might as well be speaking a different language given the lack of understanding or recognition. And we wonder if our intuition is misleading us that something is amiss because our loved one doesn’t validate our experience with acknowledgment. It’s frustrating.
What we are experiencing is a threshold of capacity in the person. While it may seem that it is their choice not to hear us, it is more likely a spiritual or emotional block so deep that they can’t consciously make the choice. We are trying to accomplish the impossible. The only way to get past this block is for the person to have some form of healing breakthrough that opens them up to hearing. It can’t be forced and it will only happen if they seek out the shift for themselves.
When we’ve reached a point where it’s clear that nothing we say will get through. Our best path is to turn our attention inward and begin clearing out the blocks in our own energy field. In mediation, we visualize energy moving out of physical body such as rejection, resistance, judgment, frustration and any sense that we won’t be ok unless this person hears us. The energy can move into a rose or bubble then that object, as seen in our minds-eye is sent to a distant place to dissolve.
After we’ve cleaned out our aura body we feel lighter. To complete the empowerment process we can visualize filling our space in with the sensations of having our needs met in relationship, of being heard, understood and accepted. Then in the physical world, find a place where we can communicate our experience and be heard, acknowledged, even if that is in the privacy of our own journal. We focus on building relationships where we are heard.
“You should know how I feel.”
The closer we are to a person the more we assume they will interpret and respond to our needs and desires without verbal communication. It’s tempting to try to intuitively read other’s needs to reduce conflict in relationships but in doing so we enter hazardous territory.
Our first point of reference in any situation is how we would feel or experience it. That is the root of why people expect others to know how they feel. Those of us who are naturally intuitive first experienced reading others feelings and needs empathically (second chakra). When we empathically read there’s a tendency to match the emotion which alters our clarity.
As we evolve our intuitive skills to a point of better boundaries, we move out of feeling a person and matching the energy, into a space of seeing (sixth chakra). When seeing rather than feeling we are in a stronger position to provide support, if it is welcomed by the person in need.
Another hazard of reading someone’s needs and responding, rather than asking for direct communication, is identifying the source of truth we are seeing. Each human has four need centers:
- body
- mind (conscious or subconscious)
- emotion/heart
- soul/spirit
These aspects of Self are not always in agreement. Our need centers perceive their yes/no with different priorities and filters. The body may determine rest is the top priority while the mind and emotions override it with an agenda that they perceive is more important to complete before rest is allowed. When we try to gauge this priority for someone else and respond to what we see, we come across as controlling rather than supporting what they know to be true for themselves.
In addition, when we read others without their permission, even if it is from a place of wanting to help, we are intruding on their psychic space. That intrusion whether consciously noticed or not, creates discomfort for the person we are reading. They feel outside energy in their space and find it harder to get clear on their own needs. They push back actively or passively to try to regain a sense of stability for themselves.
People we care about may insinuate they want us to read their minds or know what they need without us asking them, but when we do there are many potential land mines to navigate. Our best course of action is to communicate more than necessary when we sense someone needs something from us before we act. And stay focused on keeping a clear awareness of our own needs so we can communicate them to those who support us.
Have you ever wondered why some relationships end with a sense of being unsettled even when it is clear that the reasons for being together, the attraction or the love have faded away? We all have soul level contracts with many people. They consist of agreements made through conscious commitments to each other and unresolved experiences we have shared that build a backlog of karma.
Relationships that include experiences of pain or commitments unfulfilled leave us with a sense of incompletion. You know it’s over but it’s not really over, it’s just over for this lifetime. It’s the same for relationships that start but stop before the past karma has been resolved.
On a spirit level, karma is our energetic bank account, a reserve of resources we’ve built up from experiences as a soul. This energy carries forward into our new encounters. Karma is also a backlog of unresolved energy we have the opportunity to heal or release. As we wander this lifetime we are presented with opportunities every day to create more karma through our interactions.
When we have karma with someone, it means we have a history as soul’s together, experiences both positive and negative. We may have been married in the past, friends or opponents in war. We may have betrayed another soul, saved their life or had incomplete access to information about our experiences together, which left us unresolved as we exited that lifetime.
We are attracted to relationships where we have karma we need to complete. There’s something for us to do together and we feel it in a magnetic way. There’s a commitment to keep, a debt to fulfill, amends to make or we simply had such a great time with this soul in a previous life that we want to celebrate the reunion and have some more fun.
If we are in a relationship that releases that unresolved backlog through new experiences together, eventually we’ll get to a point where we feel there’s not as much drawing us to the person. We feel less attracted. The zing of excitement that the unresolved karma generated may leave the relationship feeling lackluster, in a slump, even boring. Often when the intense karma is complete in an intimate relationship one or both people feel it’s lost something and they want to end the agreement.
When we find ourselves at this juncture in a relationship, we need to create a new purpose for being together, such as agreeing to build joyful experiences together. With two willing and committed souls, making it past this threshold of awareness can take our relationship fulfillment to new heights.
If we want to release karma with another and they are not a willing participant in the healing process we can start by calling on our spiritual resources. At the basic level it requires taking responsibility for our contribution to the karma that has been created, whether it was through allowing ourselves to be the victim or inflicting some harm on another.
Using clairvoyance and soul healing tools in my work, I help clients look at the unresolved- energetically charged experiences in their relationships. In this process we release the charge on past experiences, bring the relationship agreement into the present desired state and communicate with the Akashic Record keeper to update the soul records with this new information. The soul agreement healing allows us to move forward without that sense of incompletion even when the other person is not interested in participating in resolution.
The Great Stupa at Shambala Mountain Center
Last weekend I reunited with a dear friend of nearly twenty years and was reminded of the power of commitment as we walked the land at Shambhala Mountain Center and meditated at The Great Stupa. Kimberly and I met working at a clothing store in Boulder, Colorado while we were college students. We had a casual social friendship but were living very different lives. She was single and free. I was married with a house in the suburbs. In those early years our friendship ebbed and flowed. We would lose track of each other then find each other again.
Once she sold everything and moved to Durango to live in a tent, I thought I’d never see her again, and then suddenly I ran across her on the street feeding burritos to the homeless. That was the year I graduated and she took a road trip to the west coast finding me in my hometown a week after I’d returned from my own post-graduation trip to Africa. The out-of-state meeting rekindled our friendship.
As we became closer we hit several bumps in the road. My fiery Leo energy was challenging for her watery Scorpio energy. Periodically I’d boil her out of the water without even realizing I’d done so. She’d need some space and I’d say “Huh?” It was the dance of cultivating a friendship that ran deeper than most, pushing us each past our edge to a new level of trust, accountability and transparency. More than once we formally quit being friends for awhile.
Each time we’d come back together somehow and remember what we valued in each other. She was the friend who was with me the moment I realized my marriage was over. She was the friend who understood more than anyone the spiritual path that I was compelled to walk. She walked it too.
Nearly a decade had past when we decided to consciously commit to our friendship. No more of the predictable break-up, make-up. We agreed to take responsibility for whatever was going on for us individually, communicate and hold space for the friendship as we worked through whatever was up for us. At that time we also acknowledged our soul agreement: our purpose for finding each other in this life was to remind each other of our spiritual paths.
Life is a series of remembering and forgetting and remembering again.
The tables have turned, now she’s married with a son and a house in the country while I’m single and free. Commitment and consciousness made our relationship more stable. We’ve had cycles of conflict since then, drifting apart and then finding each other again. But now days when one of us takes a path that the other doesn’t understand, we hold space for each other and wait for the rekindling of our connection. We remind each other of our true Self when life has taken us on a detour. It always happens, because we are committed.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself then providence moves, too.” Goethe
Some people fuel their life by tapping into the energy of others. The most skilled energy consumers find a way to hook into us and keep us hanging. Part of their pattern is use of a compelling promise that goes unfulfilled. It is sticky to keep us from detaching from them. This type of draining relationship connection feeds on our deepest desires, making it particularly hard to reclaim our power.
We may notice the relationship has us waiting on a future return but subconsciously feel there’s a payoff in it for us, the fulfillment of something we need. Our desire may be the love they offer, the purpose we feel from helping them, a sense of being valued, or the influence we may gain from connection to their projected power. I call this the hook and retreat energy dynamic.
This friend, lover or family member frequently says or insinuates the value of staying connected to them is in a future promise. “When I do ______, you’re going to get ______.” When I make a lot of money, when I become famous, when I get a divorce, when I get promoted, when I die, when I finish whatever I am doing that requires me to ask you for more energy than I give you in return. Unfortunately the time of rebalancing rarely comes. The energy consumer hasn’t figured out how to generate their own power so they seek it in outside sources. If they do finally achieve a goal, there’s no lasting payout for us because their target changes to a future date.
We all have been on both sides of energy exchange; no one is immune to moments of giving or taking out-of-balance. But when we experience hook and retreat, our body will let us know through a sensation of tightness or queasiness in our belly. This is the location of our third chakra, where we activate our personal power. The body notices that our power is being redirected. The result is less energy for our own creations and a sense of being off-balance.
The hook and retreat relationship has moments that make us feel crazy. The words, actions and energy of the energy consumer are questionable enough to evoke a sense of uncertainty. Our intuition is trying to make us aware of the deception. The energy consumer always believes their own story so they don’t realize they are being deceptive. The imbalance created from the cord into our core makes it hard to see clearly and remove ourselves or renegotiate the relationship.
Here are a couple of tools you can practice to reclaim your power when you have been hooked:
- Clean out your 3rd chakra. Visualize a gold rose and see it mopping out that belly area front to back, soaking up all the energy that is not yours in that space. Imagine the rose flying somewhere far away and dissipating. Call your energy back to you from any person you’ve given your power away to and fill the empty space with your own vibration.
- Visualize a Protection Rose in the space between you and this person. The intention of the rose is to filter out any attempts to attach to your energy.
The stealth aspect of this behavioral pattern is how it taps into our subconscious desire. We are seduced by a subversive agenda. The truth that we are never going to get the need met is hard to see. It feels possible and it feels strong. By reclaiming our energy space we have the opportunity to see the relationship more clearly and gain energy to use for our own creations.
Past experiences alter the lens we perceive our life through, causing our perception of certain relationships to be tinted, foggy, distorted and even blinding us. When we act on inner-guidance that is skewed by a false perspective we don’t generally get positive results. These past reference points are often the biggest block to accurately interpreting our intuition.
Our relationship with our inner-guidance is similar to our relationship with a friend. We build trust through experiences together. In all relationships we enter with assumptions based on our past. Those unconscious beliefs and expectations effect how long it will take us to create a sense of safety and trust with the person. If our past experiences have been full of betrayal and pain we may never feel safety and trust. We may not be able to embrace the positive a person has to offer as we see them through a false belief filter.
Most limitations we face in relationships start with false beliefs. The lens through which we perceive the world attracts familiar experiences and has us automatically respond to life in a way that gives us an expected result. We formed these beliefs through our own encounters and the examples shown to us by family and society. In the moment of their creation they had truth and relevance. That doesn’t mean they are true and relevant today.
To build a sense of trust with our intuition we need to form a conscious relationship with it, becoming aware of our filters based on outdated beliefs. This means when we check-in with our inner-guidance and get a response, we dive deeper. We ask ourselves if the information is true for us in this specific time and place. We ask if it is in alignment for our body, mind and heart. What feels good to our body can harm our mind and heart. What feels good to our mind may not be the best choice for our heart or body. Alignment is the key.
Awareness of our experience based lenses and how they distort our view in relationships can help us understand why we aren’t interpreting our intuition clearly. The experiences we have that show us our intuition is true, protecting us from harm and directing us on a positive path, help develop trust. When we clean out false beliefs influencing our perception we build more trust in our inner-guidance. This encourages us to seek out its company and deeply listen to what it has to say in every situation.
The January 2011 issue of Discover magazine presented results of research by neuroscientist Lauren Silbert that proved we can get inside someone’s head when they are communicating with us. Her study scanned brain activity determining that “among the most attentive listeners, key brain regions lit up before her words even came out, suggesting anticipation of what she would say next. ‘The more you anticipate someone, the more you’re able to enter their space.’ Siblert says.” Research now proves what psychics have long known to be true, as we engage with the people in our life, subconsciously we are communicating with non-verbal or spiritual energy mind-to-mind. As we hone our intuitive awareness we want to clearly hear our inner-guidance, therefore it is important that our center-of-head space is free from outside influences.
The better we identify and remove the distortions of perception based on other people’s influence in our energy field, the greater clarity we gain. This starts by owning our sixth chakra, the center of head space. The sixth chakra is where our intuition and analytical mind reside. As science confirms, it’s normal for people to get in each other’s space through this chakra since it is the telepathic communication channel. If a person pops-up in your mind unexpectedly, you can be sure they have energy in your space. It is a subconscious way for the person to feel they have some insight into what might come next in the relationship by reading the other person.
As part of the foundational meditation taught in psychic training we start every class with grounding our energy and cleaning out our sixth chakra. There are a lot of fun ways to do this, all are forms of visualization. With your eyes closed try one of these exercises. Follow-up by filling-in that same space with your own energy:
- See that center-of-head being sprayed clean with a fire hose
- Watch everything that is not your energy get blown away by a high-powered fan
- Put a slide at the edge and imaging all the energy that is not yours sliding down and out
- Visualize a bubble outside of your aura collecting up all the energy that is not you, then send that bubble somewhere far away and pop-it.
Through regularly cleaning out any energy in your center-of-head space that is not you and replacing that with your own vibration, you are able to more easily access your inner-guidance and trust it.
Grief is more than the emotion that arises when someone we love dies. It surfaces when we experience an ending of any sort. A relationship with someone we love changes or comes to an end due to breakup or divorce. We physically move away from a community or change jobs. Something about our life doesn’t turn out how we thought it would.
As we explore our intuitive nature, empathy is the first place most of us experience a sense of reading another’s energy (2nd chakra). Empathy has us match energy with those we care for to energetically support them. When we feel the intuitive information in our body rather than “see” it in our clairvoyant space (6th chakra) we may have a hard time separating our emotions from that of the other. We take on the pain of another and actually have physical symptoms from it. By doing this we are less capable of providing the needed strength for our loved one. We can maintain connectedness without matching the energy of those around us. In doing so, we tune-in to our own emotions without carrying the burden of the collective grief.
When our heart is broken with grief, the pain may cause us to check-out or escape the feeling. At times we may be unconscious of it but notice that we’re scattered, having a hard time focusing or not feeling very present in our body. A practice of inquiry, when these sensations of distance between body and spirit occur, helps us realign. Asking our body what it feels and listening. Sometimes it requires activation of physical activity like walking, yoga or dancing to reconnect. Feeling pain isn’t easy but allows the energy to move through the natural cycle, providing relief.
The best thing we can do for ourselves when there is a loss in our lives is feel the grief while nurturing our physical body and staying connected with loved ones. If we commit to notice when we want to disassociate from our experience of pain, we can find a path to staying more present. This may be through meditation, physical movement that connects spirit to body or reaching out to a friend to talk. Then when we find ourselves taking on the pain of another we are prepared to breathe deeply, and take the imaginary elevator from our 2nd chakra up to the 6th via the heart to lend strength to those we love.
From Blog Free Hugs: The Virus of Connection
The start of a New Year is an opportunity to reflect on what has been and set intentions for what will be. We live in the present moment, but dreams and desires for the future create focus for our lives. Without focus we are usually disappointed with the results of our efforts. If our wish is to experience a greater sense of love and fulfillment, a focus on authentic connection with others will help us create it. Last year around this time, I recognized a desire to communicate in relationships where I had been avoiding a topic because it felt uncomfortable to address. My aim was to notice when I felt resistance to share my feelings, take a look at the discomfort and find a path, however imperfect it may be, to express what I was feeling.
There were a few nagging situations where I was afraid to reveal myself, to show my vulnerability or risk a loved one’s disapproval, in order to express my experience and needs. I knew that withholding this expression was blocking energy flow not just in the relationships but in my life overall. These unspoken feelings subtly prevented me from being at ease with the person. My old way of operating was to think through what I would say in advance. The problem with this approach was that it was based on the past. It didn’t leave room for me to be present for what I was feeling in the moment and it got in the way of true listening. It also built up a big backlog of energy that, however softly delivered, had the potential to make the communication much more intense than it needed to be.
As an empathic person since birth, I had a pattern of reading people’s receptivity, feeling it in my body, and pre-determining whether it was safe to share information. It was a child’s survival mechanism that worked well before I had energy tools that created healthier boundaries. I didn’t want to disturb the peace and therefore withheld my feelings if it seemed that the person would be upset. Over a period of many months this year, opportunities presented themselves to practice a new way of communication. I had to give up believing that I could determine the right thing to say beforehand. I had to let go of the outcome. I had to own my vulnerability and risk being rejected. I had to accept that what I shared may not make the person feel good. But most of all I had to re-train my inner child who was feeling for the other and denying my own feelings. I had to give these intimate relationships a chance to meet the fully revealed me, rather than protect them from it. It wasn’t easy but it was worth the effort. In every case it renewed our relationships, set them on more solid ground.
My 2010 intention was born from desire to authentically relate with others. I have found that true connection, seeing another and being seen, is the most fulfilling aspect in life. We all yearn for this connection and unconsciously choose our actions based on our beliefs of how we can experience it. We can deepen our intimacy with the one’s we love through letting go of the assumptions that we are doing someone a favor by protecting them from the truth of our experience. When our aim is to generate love we can’t fail.
