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When you fall in love a lot of what attracts you to your beloved are matching beliefs, wounds and behaviors. They feel familiar. Will you continue repeating generational and personal patterns, or choose to change them?

The terms of your soul agreement are established in the early stages of courting. Some may even be in place from past lives your souls shared. Over time these agreements evolve through changes in commitment, communication and behaviors.

Yet some aspects of your soul agreement are operating based on old beliefs, wounds or past life unresolved experiences that brought you together.

For example one partner comes to the relationship with a family belief that prosperity requires stress, effort and hard work to obtain and maintain. This survival level wound has him working long hours to provide a lifestyle that he doesn’t get to enjoy, while resentment builds for his wife who seems to get all the benefits and doesn’t seem to be working as hard.

His wife has a matching wound. It is a wound to her personal power. She believes she will be punished if she exerts her power to manifest prosperity. As a child she was repeatedly reprimanded by her mother for using her power to get what she wanted. So she has chosen a career that doesn’t allow her to express her power.

When she takes steps to heal that wound she decides to make a career change to feel more empowered. Her husband encourages her. Yet because he believes that it is hard to generate prosperity, he influences her to take a job that is hard for her. It doesn’t fit her nature and she continues to feel disempowered.

On the surface it looks like they are working together to support the change in their soul agreement around prosperity but unconsciously the old pattern is still playing out. Until their matching soul level wounds and beliefs are released, the pattern will keep rearing its head in different forms in their relationship. Keeping them stuck in the lack of true prosperity and creating tension.

As your relationship with your beloved grows, your beliefs and old wounds have an opportunity to shift. Your soul agreement needs to be updated along the way. You came together for a purpose. The connection needs a renewed purpose to thrive. When you ask to see, heal and shift outdated aspects of your soul agreement you create new purpose to thrive in love and partnership.


I offer couple’s soul agreement readings with both partners present. It takes an immense courage for two people to look directly at their relationship agreement. It is a very powerful soul freeing evolutionary step.

My grandma doesn’t hear very well even with hearing aids, but if she’s tuned-in she knows what’s going on even from the other room.  This is especially true if you don’t want her to hear what you are saying! I noticed in a recent visit with her that I’d be thinking of something and she’d come in from the other room and answer my question or suggest we get milk at the grocery store, something I was about to mention.  Yet there are certain people in her life, her children in particular, that she has a harder time hearing than the rest of us.

Her physical sense of hearing doesn’t get temporarily worse and she’s demonstrated that where her hearing falls short she can make up for it with her intuition. But like many of us who are challenged by certain relationships in our lives, the unresolved energy between her and her children causes her to resist what they have to say. She can’t hear it and it has nothing to do with the volume, her ability or her intuition.  She’s blocked.

We figure out how to navigate our home environment using all six senses, first learning to intuitively read our parents before we understand verbal communication.  As adults, when we ask family members to engage in new levels of communication sometimes they just don’t get it and seem to sort of glaze over.  This happens in marriage and long-term friendships too.

We try to communicate in many different ways and find that it’s not getting through. Our friend or family member can’t hear us.  All approaches to expression fail to get the point across.  We might as well be speaking a different language given the lack of understanding or recognition.  And we wonder if our intuition is misleading us that something is amiss because our loved one doesn’t validate our experience with acknowledgment.  It’s frustrating.

What we are experiencing is a threshold of capacity in the person.  While it may seem that it is their choice not to hear us, it is more likely a spiritual or emotional block so deep that they can’t consciously make the choice.  We are trying to accomplish the impossible.  The only way to get past this block is for the person to have some form of healing breakthrough that opens them up to hearing. It can’t be forced and it will only happen if they seek out the shift for themselves.

When we’ve reached a point where it’s clear that nothing we say will get through.  Our best path is to turn our attention inward and begin clearing out the blocks in our own energy field.  In mediation, we visualize energy moving out of physical body such as rejection, resistance, judgment, frustration and any sense that we won’t be ok unless this person hears us. The energy can move into a rose or bubble then that object, as seen in our minds-eye is sent to a distant place to dissolve.

After we’ve cleaned out our aura body we feel lighter.  To complete the empowerment process we can visualize filling our space in with the sensations of having our needs met in relationship, of being heard, understood and accepted.  Then in the physical world, find a place where we can communicate our experience and be heard, acknowledged, even if that is in the privacy of our own journal.  We focus on building relationships where we are heard.

How We Express Our Intuition

Natalie —  November 22, 2011 — 2 Comments

My brother playing music with some friends

It is human nature to want to express our experiences, to be heard, seen and understood.  Every form of art is connected to this desire to express.  Musicians, painters, actors, writers, movie makers are all giving voice to an aspect of their experience in a creative way, exploring their light or shadow with words, role play, stories, color and sound.  The act of expression in-and-of-itself provides a sense of relief and comfort.  Without an audience we can express and still feel energy has been moved through writing in a journal or singing alone in the car.  It allows us to find peace or at least a feeling of forward movement.

The throat chakra is where we carry the energy of communication and expression.  Our relationship with expression can be hindered and altered due to the responses we receive from others and how we interpret them.  Our sixth sense intuitive awareness may have led us to express things as children that were outside of the comfort zone of adults.  We noticed an unspoken truth that the adults around us didn’t want to acknowledge and spoke up.  The response ranged from invalidation (being told we’re wrong) to punishment.

Through the experience of others discomfort with our expression we learn to control it, shut it down or present it in terms easier for people to handle.  If we grow up only getting attention for negative behavior we may learn to use our expression to intentionally make people uncomfortable.  This can result in self-sabotage, conflict and attracts negative energy from others.

Artistic expression is where we are granted permission to show the full spectrum of human experience from beauty to pain, without being directly judged.  A song about heartbreak, a painting that draws out the beauty of our environment, a poem that mysteriously hints at secrets one wouldn’t speak out loud, we accept and applaud.  Yet if the artist takes their conversation out of the art form and to the dinner table of life we suddenly become uncomfortable with the raw truth.

To get beyond the socially acceptable framework of art as a forum to express our full-spectrum of intuitive awareness, we have to revisit old wounds and remove the rules that were programmed into our behavior before we were conscious of our free will.  This means noticing when our throat or belly gets tight as a signal from our higher Self that we are holding onto something that may need to be to expressed.

As we notice these beliefs and automatic responses in our body and behaviors that aren’t in alignment, we can have an internal conversation with the information.  Ask our self, “What do I want to do as an adult with this awareness in this situation?” It may be enough to acknowledge that we need to physically leave, or we may notice it’s necessary for us to directly address some unspoken aspect between us and another person.  The more neutral and non-judging we can be in expression of our experience, the more powerfully it lands.

The power of our intuitive awareness is not in the knowing but in how it impacts our life.  When we pay attention to our inner-signals and speak up with those who we trust our inner-guidance has purpose.  We’ve all said in retrospect, “I had a feeling that person wasn’t trust worthy” but if we had communicated our awareness to a third party we trusted for reflection, it may have protected us from some harm.  Expressing our awareness gives our consciousness a place to land and mull over the insight. Expression allows the flow of energy generated in a given situation to continue uninhibited without getting bottled up or stuck. It grounds our relationships in the present moment.

“You should know how I feel.”

The closer we are to a person the more we assume they will interpret and respond to our needs and desires without verbal communication.  It’s tempting to try to intuitively read other’s needs to reduce conflict in relationships but in doing so we enter hazardous territory.

Our first point of reference in any situation is how we would feel or experience it.  That is the root of why people expect others to know how they feel.  Those of us who are naturally intuitive first experienced reading others feelings and needs empathically (second chakra).  When we empathically read there’s a tendency to match the emotion which alters our clarity.

As we evolve our intuitive skills to a point of better boundaries, we move out of feeling a person and matching the energy, into a space of seeing (sixth chakra).  When seeing rather than feeling we are in a stronger position to provide support, if it is welcomed by the person in need.

Another hazard of reading someone’s needs and responding, rather than asking for direct communication, is identifying the source of truth we are seeing. Each human has four need centers:

  • body
  • mind (conscious or subconscious)
  • emotion/heart
  • soul/spirit

These aspects of Self are not always in agreement.  Our need centers perceive their yes/no with different priorities and filters.  The body may determine rest is the top priority while the mind and emotions override it with an agenda that they perceive is more important to complete before rest is allowed.  When we try to gauge this priority for someone else and respond to what we see, we come across as controlling rather than supporting what they know to be true for themselves.

In addition, when we read others without their permission, even if it is from a place of wanting to help, we are intruding on their psychic space.  That intrusion whether consciously noticed or not, creates discomfort for the person we are reading.  They feel outside energy in their space and find it harder to get clear on their own needs. They push back actively or passively to try to regain a sense of stability for themselves.

People we care about may insinuate they want us to read their minds or know what they need without us asking them, but when we do there are many potential land mines to navigate. Our best course of action is to communicate more than necessary when we sense someone needs something from us before we act.  And stay focused on keeping a clear awareness of our own needs so we can communicate them to those who support us.

Write to Access Your Intuition

Natalie —  September 21, 2011 — 2 Comments

An easy way to access our intuition is through writing.  Approaching our journal with intention can take us beyond recounting activities of the day and the cathartic process of purging experiences, to a point of clarity that only comes when the self is aligned with the Self.

This type of written practice is an internal conversation.  The energy it activates inside is why so many people desire to be writers.  Not only do we want our voice to be heard and find the written word a fulfilling way to share it, we connect with our essence through writing. It makes us feel good.

The inner dialog that occurs as words flow from our center-of-head (sixth chakra) through our hands (creative channels) into words, calls the mind-body-spirit into alignment. We go within and track our thoughts as they pour out.  In order to dive this deep in writing we have to commit to push past our critical voices. The aspects that want to stop us from putting into concrete form thoughts that we are programed to see as inappropriate, selfish or crazy.  It’s only in pushing through these walls of resistance by moving quickly as we write that we reach our inner-guide.

Our intuition is not some separate “thing” that resides outside of us.  It is as solid and reliable as our senses of smell, taste, touch, sight and hearing.  We just have lost our understanding of how to access the sixth-sense.  The practice of writing to access your intuition can be cultivated with a simple framework:

  • Set aside 20 minutes, less time will decrease your odds of getting past the resistance and purging of life experiences.
  • Take a deep breath and set your intention before you start
  • Commit to moving your pen on paper or fingers on the keyboard non-stop, even if your thoughts pause.  Just repeat the last word you wrote until you
    breakthrough the block.
  • Allow freedom to download trite information, and then dive into your question, directing the conversation with your Self.
  • Notice if other people’s energy shows up in your thoughts as you write.  They could be interfering with your ability to see clearly. People who are concerned about how your changes will affect them can be very psychically nosy.  Visualize their energy moving into a bubble outside of your space and send that bubble of their energy back to them.

We don’t have to know why or how we “know” information that comes to us intuitively but to disregard the guidance is to set ourselves up for more pain.  Through journaling we can cultivate this sixth-sense in a concrete way. It helps us tune into our truth, filter out the external influences on our energetic space and find clarity.

Commitment

Natalie —  August 4, 2011 — 2 Comments

The Great Stupa at Shambala Mountain Center

Last weekend I reunited with a dear friend of nearly twenty years and was reminded of the power of commitment as we walked the land at Shambhala Mountain Center and meditated at The Great Stupa.  Kimberly and I met working at a clothing store in Boulder, Colorado while we were college students. We had a casual social friendship but were living very different lives. She was single and free.  I was married with a house in the suburbs. In those early years our friendship ebbed and flowed.  We would lose track of each other then find each other again.

Once she sold everything and moved to Durango to live in a tent, I thought I’d never see her again, and then suddenly I ran across her on the street feeding burritos to the homeless.  That was the year I graduated and she took a road trip to the west coast finding me in my hometown a week after I’d returned from my own post-graduation trip to Africa.  The out-of-state meeting rekindled our friendship.

As we became closer we hit several bumps in the road.  My fiery Leo energy was challenging for her watery Scorpio energy.  Periodically I’d boil her out of the water without even realizing I’d done so.  She’d need some space and I’d say “Huh?”  It was the dance of cultivating a friendship that ran deeper than most, pushing us each past our edge to a new level of trust, accountability and transparency.  More than once we formally quit being friends for awhile.

Each time we’d come back together somehow and remember what we valued in each other.  She was the friend who was with me the moment I realized my marriage was over.  She was the friend who understood more than anyone the spiritual path that I was compelled to walk.  She walked it too.

Nearly a decade had past when we decided to consciously commit to our friendship. No more of the predictable break-up, make-up.  We agreed to take responsibility for whatever was going on for us individually, communicate and hold space for the friendship as we worked through whatever was up for us.  At that time we also acknowledged our soul agreement: our purpose for finding each other in this life was to remind each other of our spiritual paths.

Life is a series of remembering and forgetting and remembering again.

The tables have turned, now she’s married with a son and a house in the country while I’m single and free.  Commitment and consciousness made our relationship more stable.  We’ve had cycles of conflict since then, drifting apart and then finding each other again. But now days when one of us takes a path that the other doesn’t understand, we hold space for each other and wait for the rekindling of our connection.  We remind each other of our true Self when life has taken us on a detour.  It always happens, because we are committed.

 “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself then providence moves, too.” Goethe

The January 2011 issue of Discover magazine presented results of research by neuroscientist Lauren Silbert that proved we can get inside someone’s head when they are communicating with us. Her study scanned brain activity determining that “among the most attentive listeners, key brain regions lit up before her words even came out, suggesting anticipation of what she would say next. ‘The more you anticipate someone, the more you’re able to enter their space.’ Siblert says.” Research now proves what psychics have long known to be true, as we engage with the people in our life, subconsciously we are communicating with non-verbal or spiritual energy mind-to-mind.  As we hone our intuitive awareness we want to clearly hear our inner-guidance, therefore it is important that our center-of-head space is free from outside influences.

The better we identify and remove the distortions of perception based on other people’s influence in our energy field, the greater clarity we gain.  This starts by owning our sixth chakra, the center of head space. The sixth chakra is where our intuition and analytical mind reside.  As science confirms, it’s normal for people to get in each other’s space through this chakra since it is the telepathic communication channel.  If a person pops-up in your mind unexpectedly, you can be sure they have energy in your space.  It is a subconscious way for the person to feel they have some insight into what might come next in the relationship by reading the other person. 

As part of the foundational meditation taught in psychic training we start every class with grounding our energy and cleaning out our sixth chakra.  There are a lot of fun ways to do this, all are forms of visualization.  With your eyes closed try one of these exercises.  Follow-up by filling-in that same space with your own energy:

  • See that center-of-head being sprayed clean with a fire hose
  • Watch everything that is not your energy get blown away by a high-powered fan
  • Put a slide at the edge and imaging all the energy that is not yours sliding down and out
  • Visualize a bubble outside of your aura collecting up all the energy that is not you, then send that bubble somewhere far away and pop-it. 

Through regularly cleaning out any energy in your center-of-head space that is not you and replacing that with your own vibration, you are able to more easily access your inner-guidance and trust it.

When our personal space is entered in a way that feels disturbing, anger can alert us take action.  In response to our sense of discomfort, we may physically exit the situation, speak words that give us more space, make ourselves unavailable through non-response or surround ourselves with other people to create a buffer.  Unless it is a reoccurring pattern with a person we know, having a boundary violated usually catches us off guard.  When we recognize it in the moment we have a chance to respond and shift the energy. Otherwise we will find that we’ve given our energy away and have some self-healing to do.  

Recently at a conference out of town, a co-worker asked me to meet over dinner to discuss business.  When the opportunity presented itself for me to meet with a critical client at the same time, I asked if we could postpone our meeting.  He urged me to say no to the client, because he needed to tell me something important.  Over dinner I found myself listening to a long resume of this man’s experience that eventually led up to him admitting that he wanted to pick my brain for insights on how he could better sell himself as a writer and see if I would be interested in selling his writing services for a commission.  Over the course of the conversation I noticed my energy getting depleted and activated the Protection Rose tool described later in this post. I was angry at myself for saying yes to his request without a clear understanding of his expectations and angry at him for violating my boundaries.  When he finally got to the punch line it was clear that his urgency was to serve his private agenda not our mutual business commitments and I had missed an opportunity to do my job.  The boundaries of my time and energy had been crossed. 

Anger is a big neon flashing light pointed at an infringement of our boundaries.  It may feel like self-criticism if we noticed the boundary being crossed and didn’t stand up for our self, or it may be directed at the person or experience that crossed our boundary.  Usually people who push our edges aren’t conscious of it.  They are simply on a path to self-satisfaction and operating within their own reference points for what’s acceptable. They may not know any other way to source energy than to take it from someone else.  Physiologically anger gives us a surge of adrenaline that is necessary to go to battle on our own behalf.  The warrior within comes to assist us with resetting the boundary. We show up for ourselves. 

Anger itself is not negative but what we do with anger has given it a bad reputation.  Paying attention to the source of our anger awakens us to a boundary being crossed while it’s happening.  Only then do we have the opportunity to use our energy tools to hold a healthy space for ourselves.  My favorite in-the-moment tool is the Protection Rose.  When you feel someone trying to tap into your energy or enter your personal space in a way that is unacceptable, visualize a rose in the space between you.  The rose has a stem deeply rooted into the earth.  The blossom of the rose acts as a filter, protecting you from any energy coming from the person that is depleting or not in your highest good.  This works for phone conversations too.   Use of a Protection Rose shifts the experience so you can stay present to take further actions that are in alignment with your health.

Re-New Year Focus

Natalie —  December 29, 2010 — Leave a comment

From Blog Free Hugs: The Virus of Connection

The start of a New Year is an opportunity to reflect on what has been and set intentions for what will be.  We live in the present moment, but dreams and desires for the future create focus for our lives.  Without focus we are usually disappointed with the results of our efforts.  If our wish is to experience a greater sense of love and fulfillment, a focus on authentic connection with others will help us create it.  Last year around this time, I recognized a desire to communicate in relationships where I had been avoiding a topic because it felt uncomfortable to address.  My aim was to notice when I felt resistance to share my feelings, take a look at the discomfort and find a path, however imperfect it may be, to express what I was feeling. 

There were a few nagging situations where I was afraid to reveal myself, to show my vulnerability or risk a loved one’s disapproval, in order to express my experience and needs.  I knew that withholding this expression was blocking energy flow not just in the relationships but in my life overall.  These unspoken feelings subtly prevented me from being at ease with the person.  My old way of operating was to think through what I would say in advance.  The problem with this approach was that it was based on the past.  It didn’t leave room for me to be present for what I was feeling in the moment and it got in the way of true listening.  It also built up a big backlog of energy that, however softly delivered, had the potential to make the communication much more intense than it needed to be. 

As an empathic person since birth, I had a pattern of reading people’s receptivity, feeling it in my body, and pre-determining whether it was safe to share information.  It was a child’s survival mechanism that worked well before I had energy tools that created healthier boundaries.  I didn’t want to disturb the peace and therefore withheld my feelings if it seemed that the person would be upset.  Over a period of many months this year, opportunities presented themselves to practice a new way of communication.  I had to give up believing that I could determine the right thing to say beforehand.  I had to let go of the outcome.  I had to own my vulnerability and risk being rejected.  I had to accept that what I shared may not make the person feel good.  But most of all I had to re-train my inner child who was feeling for the other and denying my own feelings.  I had to give these intimate relationships a chance to meet the fully revealed me, rather than protect them from it.  It wasn’t easy but it was worth the effort. In every case it renewed our relationships, set them on more solid ground. 

My 2010 intention was born from desire to authentically relate with others.  I have found that true connection, seeing another and being seen, is the most fulfilling aspect in life.  We all yearn for this connection and unconsciously choose our actions based on our beliefs of how we can experience it.  We can deepen our intimacy with the one’s we love through letting go of the assumptions that we are doing someone a favor by protecting them from the truth of our experience. When our aim is to generate love we can’t fail.

Shame Detox

Natalie —  September 8, 2010 — Leave a comment

Shame is powerful and toxic.  It is a form of control through judgment, a way of dictating what makes us worthy of love.  Shame seeks to alter our behaviors through sending an energy current into our aura that invokes a sense of rejection, punishment, dirtiness, imperfection, being wrong, having shown an ugly face of humanity, crossed a taboo, revealed a secret, been inappropriate or weak to our animal instinct rather than shown civility.  It may even suggest that our physical attributes or character traits are flawed, too fully revealed for the comfort of another.  We can accept the shame into our sense of self, engage in a power struggle in order to defend ourselves or learn to be neutral to outside judgment. 

When we feel shame for our words, actions or physical body it is a form of poison.  The energy enters our aura with a signature of self-rejection, even self-hatred.  Our physical and spiritual bodies absorb the toxic message and move farther away from peace.  In balance, our inner guidance is meant to be finely tuned to the needs of our authentic self.  When we hide or suppress our authentic self we detach from our intuitive truth.  Then our physical body responds chemically to the sensations of stress, tension and fear that are created in response to the toxicity of shame.  On both the physical and mental level, barriers are built to hearing our spiritual guidance.

Shame is commonly used to rear children to fit into social structure and invoke a sense of morality.  This programs us to feel guilt for thoughts or activities we were taught are shameful, even when there is not another person present to judge us.  Abusers use shame to emotionally manipulate their victims.  They claim betrayal if the victim reveals the abuse; energetically turning it around to make the victim feel responsible for their abuse.  Use of shame and guilt to control human behavior wounds and suppresses the light aspects of our nature along with the shadow aspects.  A healthier way to establish a sense of moral guidance or socially appropriate boundaries is to acknowledge the behavior or words as valid while expressing that they make the witness or recipient feel uncomfortable.  In this scenario, the person responding takes responsibility for their own feelings and communicates their boundaries without punishing the other or trying to control the situation.

When presented with the energy of shame as a conscious adult, its impact depends on the person delivering it and whether it hits us where we have a prior wound from shame.  It may feel good to openly communicate that whatever is being judged in us is perfectly acceptable.  But we also have the option to go beyond sending a return-volley of energy in the power struggle.  When we heal wounds from past shame, we can become unscathed by other’s judgments and even find humor in their attempts to control. We heal these wounds through self-love and the help of others experienced in shifting outdated behaviors and belief systems.  Clairvoyant reading is one path to identify the wounds from shame and heal our energetic body from layers of shame based suppression.  Ultimately when we detoxify our lives we are healing future generations and stopping the cycle of abuse.