I often get into conversations with parents of sensitive kids who don’t know how to help.  They were never given the tools to manage their own sensitivity or they don’t have the same sort of sensitivity. I was a sensitive kid.

Some people are simply born with more sensitivity to the energies around them. They have natural empathy, feeling what others feel. And frequently get drained, overstimulated or emotional in response to their surroundings.  They don’t yet know how to recognize when what they are feeling is not their feelings, or how to create healthy boundaries.  Sensitivity has two main roots:

  1. Nature
  2. Trauma

Trauma based sensitivity is a result of conditioning. Many highly sensitive people had childhood trauma. Their sense of safety required heightened alertness, “reading” people in order to minimize abuse or manage stress. A survival skill to navigate home life or societal traumas such as war.

I’ve recently identified a new branch on the trauma root that previous generations did not experience. Sensitive children conditioned by the stress of over stimulation. Constant stimulation has particularly deep impact on developing minds.

What we experience in childhood sets the baseline for normal throughout life.  Trauma that heightens sensitivity doesn’t have to be first hand.  Frequent exposure to unpredictable violence through the media can traumatize a child. Make them feel unsafe at school or other environments where a sense of safety was previously the norm. How a child learns to manage it shapes their life forever.

My parents were sensitive too. Like most of us they were taught or found ways to suppress their sensitivity when it got too uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways we suppress sensitivity:

  • Substances that alter our state of sensitivity, from coffee to alcohol or pharmaceuticals
  • Checking-out, habits that detach us from feeling, TV, internet, video games
  • Staying busy, not allowing enough time to process experiences
  • Eating for comfort
  • Using the mind to deny what one senses

Now that you understand a bit more about the roots of sensitivity and how it is typically suppressed, what can you do to help yourself or your sensitive child?

The first step is to shift from thinking sensitivity is bad. Sensitivity is heightened awareness. It is a skill. Even a gift when we get comfortable with it. Getting comfortable with it is the tricky part.

Second, you learn to notice when it’s happening and identify it as something you are experiencing in response to your environment rather than your own emotions or thoughts. To do this ask yourself or ask your child to ask themselves a few questions:

What do I feel? Is it “my” feeling? Is it something I feel around me? What or who around me is feeling like this?

This begins the process of getting clear on what you sense that is your energy and what isn’t your energy that you feel in your environment.

Once you know that something you feel is not yours, you are free to consciously give your Self space from it. You can do this by visualizing the emotion, thought or physical sensation moving into a rose or a pretty rock. Somewhere separate from your body. As you are practicing you might want to have a clean-out rock or crystal that you use for this and periodically soak it in water with Epsom salts to clear the energy.

Over time your awareness of the sources of your sensitivity becomes clearer and your ability to separate from the energy that isn’t yours is a habit. Then you will experience your sensitivity as a tool or a gift to help you navigate life.

The magic of sensitivity is revealed when you are not suppressing it, turning it off or denying it but can see it as valuable information. Then you are free to apply the understanding to your choices in a given situation.

It was the hardest winter in the sixty-plus year history of our family ranch. Record rains, snow and freezing weather many times from December through early March. The extremely abnormal weather put a big stress on the pregnant mama cow’s right at the time they were ready to give birth.

We had several cows with newborns that needed a stay at “Hotel Corral” where they had shelter, extra hay and room service (high protein grass pellets) delivered in the morning by yours truly. We had four calves who lost their mothers from complications pre-or-post birth and a young first-calf heifer who we had to help give birth, pulling the calf as she pushed. Its head was too big and both could have died. Thankfully they are doing great now.

I helped bottle feed the calves, massage them, encourage them to walk and love them. Being in close relationship, I began to recognize the unique soul signature of each calf, cow or bull just like I see my dog and humans.

It was emotionally hard to witness them suffer, while doing all we could to help. It brought up a lot of questions for me. I’ve always felt good about the way our family raises cattle organically, the old-fashioned way. Lots of room to roam, graze and in winter hay cut from our own non-chemically treated fields.

Now I was asking myself uncomfortable questions. What is my relationship with eating meat? How did humans become so detached from the source of their food? And what is my soul agreement with each of the calves who I know are being raised to be someone’s dinner in a couple of years?

Hard realities for a cattle rancher’s daughter to look at after being away from it for 25 years. I bonded and had a soulful relationship with each of these calves. My soul agreement was to love them and care for them while learning the signs of health and illness. These vulnerable orphans taught me about bonding, showed me what their souls were interested in experiencing by being born as a cow or bull, and helped me surrender, what is out of my control, a little more.

I used my energy tools to give healing to each of the calves and their mamas. I became particularly attached to a calf I named Teardrop, whose mom died when he was four days old.  On his white face, he had a little black teardrop mark by his right eye (he’s pictured in this post).

It is a rare occurrence to have a bottle-fed-calf at our ranch. We aren’t set-up for it long-term. So Dad ran an ad on craigslist to find someone interested in bottle calves, typically it’s a 4H kid. I prayed that whoever would come for the bottle calves would give them a good home.

The next day a couple came out to take a look at Teardrop and decided to take his buddy too. They have a big cattle ranch in Montana (not a feed lot) with mother cows who had lost calves. They planned to match these calves up with new mamas, using the method my grandpa used long ago to get the mother cows to accept a calf that isn’t their own.

While I know, their ultimate fate hasn’t improved, this is the best possible scenario for the days they get to enjoy being a soul in a calf’s body. As I explore my soul agreements with animals and that responsibility, I am learning from my ranch experiences that even if my encounter is brief, I have an opportunity to honor each unique soul and offer love.

I like to say, the reason it’s important to include, “until death do we part,” in marital vows, is that you want the soul contract of marriage to end at the physical bodies death.  As much as you love each other, you may or may not choose to come back together in another lifetime.

Relationship soul agreements are commitments you make to another person that last beyond your body’s lifespan. Love, romance, sensual steamy desire for another and elation when you are with the beloved is one of the primary drivers in our soul experience.

Connection with the beloved, when at its climax, feels like your soul’s reason for being. We all want to feel in love, to be in love, to feel loved, to feel seen, to be cherished by our beloved, and desired. To feel alive in the presence of the other.

Then why is love so hard? Why do long-term relationships seem to be more about working stuff out, tolerance, and compromise, then being turned on? And why are short-term relationships often so fraught with misunderstanding?

I believe it is because, through the power of love, you are fulfilling your soul agreements.

Beyond the hormones, mental and emotional attraction to partnership, there is this deep river of your soul’s drive to resolve unresolved experiences, or complete incomplete agreements. Unresolved or incomplete experiences are created by both positive, ecstatic love connection, and not so positive, painful interactions.

You come back together in your relationship soul agreements to either recreate an amazing feeling you want to experience again, or to resolve the old karma of a painful or traumatic experience. Maybe both.

For example, you may feel strongly that you are meant to be with someone who doesn’t feel the same for you. You have an unresolved soul agreement with them. One they are choosing not to show up for in this lifetime. Or you may feel compelled to stay in an abusive relationship because of your past life together. Karma that keeps you feeling you have a debt to pay or aren’t free to leave.

Our souls create relationship agreements both consciously and unconsciously. Marriage is a conscious agreement. But what type of soul agreement is created through physical intimacy? While science has some interesting things to say about love, there is little acknowledgment given to the soul’s experience of sexual connection.

Both partners enter with their own beliefs and soul agreements to play out. Is the intimacy a new celebration of what’s possible or is it revisiting an old soul agreement? The impact of merging energy goes beyond the mind, emotions and body.

Seeking consciousness of your relationship soul agreements and directly communicating what they mean to you with your lover is the best way to create positive love connections. It is vulnerable but powerful. It helps you avoid going down a painfully familiar path and unconsciously recreating repeat experiences. Experiences that may create more of the pain they were trying to heal.

You have the power to update, change or end your relationship soul agreements. The more you release of the souls unresolved experiences with your beloved the more joy is possible in the present. You stop working out old karma and start enjoying the moment.

Here’s a free guided meditation I made to help you update your soul agreements: Download

Throughout my life, I have often been a grounding support for those around me. In business, friendships, with lovers and family. While being grounded comes naturally, it has been an ongoing lesson to learn healthy energy exchange when helping someone I love through a rough spot. If you find yourself helping others too, you may relate to how it can throw your energy off balance.

Early in life, I learned through experience, that I had to help others around me be grounded and give them some of my energy so they could be available to care for my needs.

Grounding for someone meant I would give a part of my foundation (root chakra) to help them stabilize. Letting someone tap into my energy (solar plexus chakra) meant I would feel depleted and find myself spending time on things that weren’t important to me but made them feel better.

Later in life I learned that it wasn’t healthy to have others ground through me or tap into my energy. I learned to set my space and psychically show the person a grounding cord near their root chakra that they could have. rather than grounding through me. When aware of a cord into my energy, I would detach the energy cord from my solar plexus chakra and attach it to the Divine (God). These are loving tools.

My work with these tools and beliefs has helped me have better boundaries in helping others. And yet there was an aspect of my belief about helping others that wasn’t working for me anymore. It didn’t acknowledge the healthy way to help others ground and share my energy. And healthy reasons to do so.

My perception of what’s healthy or what works for me is shifting, or perhaps I’m just seeing it with a new level of clarity. With my sense of self-care solid from the healthier energetic boundaries, now I see that I can help others without losing my equilibrium. In fact, I have been and they don’t need to ground through me or take my energy.

I see it like holding a child’s bike seat lightly while they learn to balance. The child is pedaling forward and they are learning. They just need a little help to stabilize their momentum so they can get confident in their ability to ride.

This type of energy sharing support is short-term, like training-wheels, and does not get in the way of self-responsibility. On the other end of the spectrum is co-dependent help. Control that gets something out of being needed and doesn’t want to let go of the bike. A steadying hand does not steer the bike. It is the compassion, strength, stability we all need when the world gets rocky.

Giving of yourself by steadying a loved one’s balance until they can do it for themselves works when the energy exchange is reciprocal over time. In this way, they can remember how it feels and how to access it. This is grace, kindness, healthy help.

Healthy grounding and energy comes from the heart chakra rather than the root chakra or solar plexus. It is more than showing someone a tool. It’s actually assisting them with the experience during a challenging time (loss, trauma, change, life disruption). Allowing them to regain their equilibrium, without being sucked into additional suffering.

There is always a time for healthy help delivered with boundaries, love, kindness and compassion. The difference between grounding FOR someone and SUPPORTING someone so they can re-ground is a massively different energy exchange for both people involved. It holds your loved one lightly so they stay balanced and don’t fall farther out of touch with themselves. You can do this type of giving while staying balanced and empowered.

The Shadow Side of Soul Agreements

Natalie —  December 13, 2016 — 1 Comment

Soul agreements are equally dark and light. The karma created between an abusive person and their victim. Two warriors fighting in a battle. A parent who did not want their child and the unwanted child. Lies, betrayal, control, neglect, inflicting pain on another, these happen every day and create karma in relationships.

Call it karmic debt or unresolved past experiences, the shadow side of soul agreements may have even more impact on your life than the light. Why? Because the wounds, incomplete business and unresolved experiences, leave a signature in your energy field that attract more of that energy until it is resolved or released from your soul records.

The shadow side of a soul agreement can be a simple as someone stealing your wallet. The thief creates an unresolved karmic debt, by taking what isn’t theirs. The injury to your sense of safety or power can mark your energy field in a way that calls-in other similar experiences. Like attracts like. Whether your energy is stolen or an object is stolen.

You may mentally and emotionally process the experience to heal, yet find that the unresolved trauma in your energy field continues to attract thieves or energy vampires. Both the karma with the thief and the soul memory need to be cleared, to reclaim your power.

In the realm of what your soul remembers but your mind does not, you carry layers of unresolved experiences. Here’s example of a shadow soul agreement that shows up as a daily challenge.

You work with a person who pretends to support your success but continuously undermines it behind your back. Through words that plant doubtful seeds with management, they poison your opportunities for advancement while smiling to your face and bringing you a birthday card. They have felt familiar to you from your first meeting and you experience conflicting sensations of love and hate toward them.

It maybe more than insecurity or competition that is at play. You have a soul agreement with this co-worker. What would you have “agreed” to in a prior life together that results in this behavior?

You may have agreed to show up to remind each other to own your power and this person is pushing you to own your power by challenging it. You may have had an unresolved conflict in a past life where you were competing for attention from parents or a lover, and they didn’t get the attention they needed, so they continue to compete with you. You may have undermined their power in a past life, so they are now retaliating to undermine your power.

You’ve participated in creating shadow soul agreements too. Whether intentional, unconscious, or accidental, these unresolved energies between souls outlast lifetimes, repeating the patterns in new experiences. You will recreate an experience in a different form until you learn the lesson it has for you.

Changing your habits, mental and emotional patterns are a big part creating new experiences. But releasing the energetic charge from the soul memory and updating your soul agreements set you free to complete the lesson.

Whether past life or present, shadow soul agreements are an opportunity to heal both the isolated incident and the layers of karma our soul carries with it in the present. You don’t have to keep repeating the lesson when you claim your power to release unresolved soul agreements.

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You Have a Super Power

Natalie —  September 15, 2016 — 2 Comments

You are energy! You get to choose how to direct your energy. The focus of your energy creates and destroys based on your focus, all of the time.

Think of energy in the form of a waterfall. When a river drops over a cliff to lower ground, the water loses contact with earth and gains speed. Most of it stays together in a channel of energy moving in one direction. Some droplets of water separate into misty free-fall, no contact with the mass of the river. Bits of this mist will rejoin the main river. Others drops stay afloat on the wind to become a cloud, or they land on a leaf, rock, or dirt.

When your energy sticks together it gains power. Big shifts in your consciousness move like a waterfall carrying you with the momentum of a new belief. As your beliefs and focus shift, you create new experiences.

Like the mist, some parts of your energy can stay afloat while the majority of energy moves in a focused direction. The energy that lands in a new spot, changes form. It gives life to a plant. It is absorbed deep into the earth to join an underground aquifer, bubbling up to the surface somewhere new. Or may evaporate, to create a cloud that moves with the winds and falls as rain or snow back to the Earth. Far away from where it started. You water and grow new beliefs and experiences with your energy.

Water follows a path of least resistance. It gets to engage with the natural laws of gravity and the elements it encounters. Some surfaces are hard and resistant, while others are absorbent and receptive.

If your focus lands on a hard surface that is not receptive, it may feel like a lot of effort until you allow the response to redirect your energy to the flow. Re-direction is an opportunity to amplify your energy, moving in a direction that is receptive and true for you. Is the focus of your energy responding to the messages from the energy around you?. When your energy is aligned to your highest good, and not attached to changing what is not aligned in its path, it can shift to a new direction, amplify your power and keep you in the flow.

Stagnant water or energy allows dis-ease to grow. When you are stuck you are denying your power to choose. Even the belief that you do not have a choice is a choice. How much of what is possible are you allowing yourself to have?

Through your choices, you focus your energy. Your energy contributes to collective belief systems and creates reality for you and those who share it. Your focused energy is as powerful as a waterfall. Every drop of it is a choice. You create your life experiences with your beliefs and choices. You get to use your energy however you please. Energy is your Super Power!

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What do you think you would feel if you knew your purpose? How would that change the way you engage in your life? Do you believe it would put your mind or heart at ease? Or give you a deep sense of fulfillment? What do you believe it would change in your life?

Many clairvoyant clients want to know, “What is my purpose?”

Imagine the sensation of knowing you are on the right path, of clearly explaining to others your purpose in words that they understand. Imagine getting up every morning knowing your purpose is the foundation of all that you do. This thought feels sooo good.

Your purpose may lead you to make a difference in the world, or achieve measurable success.  The problem with the concept of your life’s purpose is that it comes with expectation. By living your purpose you expect you won’t have struggles, challenges, or times when you have to wait until Spirit speaks.

The thing is your soul has an agenda when you are born. Some call it destiny. The soul’s agenda is focused on what it wants to learn, needs to fulfill from past commitments, or desires to experience in this lifetime. Your soul does not have the concept of finding a purpose.

Knowing your purpose is not the secret that will bring you peace. It is the other way around. Being at peace with your Self and your choices, allows purpose to reveal itself in your life.

Over Memorial Day weekend I spent time in Taos, New Mexico where I visited the Mable Dodge Luhan House and went to an exhibit of her life. She was a muse of such profound magnitude. Her passion for art and connection drew many artists from around the world to the beauty of New Mexico where they were inspired to create at levels they never had before.

When I was visiting her home, inspired by the courageous life she lived, I noticed how in retrospect you can see her life purpose. While she was alive it may have seemed that since she wasn’t a renowned artist herself, her role wasn’t that important. Yet she impacted the world of art and the preservation of Native American culture through creating connections and relationships in ways that changed history.

When I first discovered her house I was at a writing workshop, in the beginning of my spiritual awakening, freshly divorced and deep in the throes of healing my past. My eyes were focused on understanding what got me there and why. I was seeking my purpose. Writing had always been deeply fulfilling to me. I wondered if being a writer was my purpose.

Nearly two decades later I see my life purpose from a very different perspective. I don’t believe purpose is an external experience. I trust that by being at peace with my essence, feeling at peace regardless of the outside circumstances, I can be purposeful in whatever I choose to experience.

After I die people may say, “Natalie’s life purpose was to…” They determined my purpose based on one notable aspect of the impact my life made. The outsider doesn’t know everything my soul was busy learning or the complex purpose of this life for my soul.

At the moment, my soul wants to teach peace. Not at university, not in social uprising, not as a regimen. I want to teach peace as the path to soul freedom. Peace with the Self. Peace with living, aging, grieving, not knowing. Peace with success, fame, and failure, the shadow. Peace with the body, peace of mind, peace in loving, peace in letting go. Peace the soul can take with you when you die.

I’m not sure this can be taught but my prayer for you is to find peace and make from that whatever purpose you desire.